I am so frustrated, husband always takes his 14 d side
Forums:
I am the primary caregiver, my husband always comes to me to deal with his kids. I want him to handle it. I am starting to resent him & her. She is 14 and knows everything, doesn't listen. I am exhausted!! Not only do I take care of her full time I have 4 bio sons ages 25,23,20,17. I wish my husband didn't rely on me to parent her. He second guesses what I say and he take her side all the time. I am exhausted.
Disengage
I see you are a new member, welcome! One big thing on Steptalk is disengagement. In cases where the bioparent is disagreeing with your parenting and taking the child"s side, It means having the bioparent do ALL the parenting. SD asks you if she can do something, your response is, "ask your dad". She leaves a mess on the floor, you say to him, "Honey, there's xyx on the floor". Usually, the bioparent will soon be exasperated and start whining to you. Instead of saying. "I TOLD you so!", you say, "Gee, thats too bad. Want something to eat?" In other words, dont badmouth her, just support him and deflect.
I feel for you, she is in the hellish teenage years. There is a whole section on Steptalk Forums about Disengagement. Read through there some, you will feel solidarity and gain some insight. Good luck!
Well, I hope your older 3
Well, I hope your older 3 sons don't need you much at all and DS17 barely does.
At any rate, time to make your DH take over parenting his daughter, since he won't support you in doing it. It was never your job to do anyway.
I would be insanely annoyed
I would be insanely annoyed too. You're a much more experienced parent than he is yet he's undermining you whenever he gets the chance. This is due to his insecurities as a father because he gets to come in and be the good guy after you've been the hardass actual parent.
The good thing here is that she's 14 not 4, so you being the primary caregiver does not need to be as Hands-On as with a younger kid. Make sure she's fed but whenever she has a behavioral issue or something that she refuses to do rather than nag her jot it down on a list and give it to your husband when he gets home. Simply telling him that these are the things that SD needs to do. Your husband will inevitably have a problem with this and then you should tell him that she doesn't listen to you so it should come from her actual parent.
Sometimes you have to put their issues become self-evident. Don't clean up after them don't correct them when they're wrong, don't nag them to do things just let the chores accumulate. it can drive you crazy so try to limit it to just their space rather than the whole house. It works extra well when all of your kids will abide by the rules and clean up after themselves.
Why stay?
Your DH is an idiot who takes the side of his lying 14yo failed family spawn over his bride.
Not anyone you should give a shit about ... either of them.
Get on with your life.
Why stay?
Your DH is an idiot who takes the side of his lying 14yo failed family spawn over his bride.
Not anyone you should give a shit about ... either of them.
Get on with your life.