I feel like I am doing wrong by my BS5
I have been at war with my SD9 since the very start and I think it is starting to take a toll on my son. She treats my son like shit. She is nasty, bossy, and just plain mean to him almost all the time. I have stepped in and tried to put a stop to it and defend my son but nothing makes it stop. She is also disrespectful and disobedient to me most of the time. This has lead to me becoming increasingly angry as time has passed. I cant stand to be around her anymore and this frustration has lead to me being short tempered with my son also. In addition, my husband has made it clear that he sees nothing wrong with doing for his daughter and not doing the same things for my son. My son has never outright said that he doesn't feel loved by my husband but I can see it. He doesn't so much as acknowledge him when hes around. I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I don't know how much of this I can take. It has gotten to the point that I feel like I am doing wrong by my son by continuing this situation. He deserves to have a stepfather that treats him like his own but I do not feel that he has that right now. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle for my son that I can never get ahead in. My husband refuses to acknowledge that his daughter treats us badly and instead acts as if she is a perfect angel. Any issues that he does acknowledge between her and the rest of us he blames on my parenting. It is always about how if I handled it, it wouldn't happen anymore. He works 7 days a week and I know that he is tired and I am left to take care of things but there is a point that he needs to step up as well.
See I see it
See I see it differently....
You say how sad you are that your DH dosent love your son like his own child, how frustrated you are he does things with his daughter but won't with your son or that your son deserves to have a step father who treats him like his own son....I say your expectations of your DH is too high. I'm a step mother to my SS15 but I'm not his mother and nor do I love him or treat him like my own.... No. It dosent work like that. If on the hand your DH is being abusuve ( emotionally or otherwise) I would grab my kid under my arm running out the door and away from his abusive ways.
And similarly if your SD is also being abusive and your DH isn't stopping the abuse...run!
Yeah but this is a little 5
Yeah but this is a little 5 year old. I wouldn't keep my child in this situation. I think it's important for kids, but especially the little ones, to know that mom has their back. Can't ever get these years back.
I don't expect him to love my
I don't expect him to love my son the same as his daughter but I expect equal privaledges of the kids and that he doesn't move mountains for his daughter while leaving my son in the cold.
The man is your husband, not
The man is your husband, not a daddy for your son. He doesn't have to love or even like him.
Your son is not his kid. He doesn't have to to keep things even between his stepson and daughter.
Where is your son's dad? Is SD's mom in the picture?
I think that's a total BS cop
I think that's a total BS cop out, as a parent, her DH does have an obligation to speak to his daughter about her behavior and teach her about boundaries and respect for other people, especially when it comes to smaller children. This man leaves the OP to look after his daughter and expects her to take on the parental role there and I think it's a double standard to say he doesn't need to like, love or have anything to do with her son. It's HIS household and it's difficult and unfair for a child to feel as though they're unloved and uncared for.
My son's dad lives four hours
My son's dad lives four hours away and has minimal involvement out of choice. My SD mom is states away and has no involvement outside of occasional phone calls that are generally filled with manipulation.
Your H is saying whatever his
Your H is saying whatever his daughter does, you and your son better take it. Sounds like he doesn't have any respect or even basic caring for you or your son.
You need to figure out a way to stop her towards your son, he is young. It is already damaging him and changing who he is. His home is not safe.
How long have you been
How long have you been married and has something changed between your husband and your son, or has their relationship been this way from the start? If your son's BD isn't around and SD's BM isn't around, then realistically, you and your husband are the only parents these two have. Try this; tell your husband that you were talking to a friend and give him an example of something that took place between SD and BS and she wanted advice. Ask him his opinion on the situation and how he thinks it should have been handled. Perhaps when it's not his daughter, he'll give you a real objective answer. I agree with the nanny cam idea, maybe when your husband sees her behavior first had, he'll change his mind.
Also, maybe it would be a good idea to lay down some clear rules regarding what behavior is and isn't acceptable from SD9, as well as some consequences that your husband feels are appropriate. Refusing to acknowledge her actions or denying them is one thing, but if you can get him to agree to the rules and consequences and SHOW him her behavior and how she responds to the punishments, perhaps it will open his eyes a bit.
He has full custody and the
He has full custody and the mother has no rights due to poor choices and drugs. She rarely even contacts SD9. I have taken on the full time mother role to our kids out of necessity. We have a ten month old together and I am working on my degree. It was a decision we made when I was pregnant.
Have the sitter take care of
Have the sitter take care of her while he works like he did before we got together
I have to say that I don't
I have to say that I don't appreciate the derogatory comments that have been made. This website is here for step parents to vent their frustrations and support each other not to bash one another and be ugly. I am an amazing mother who busts her ass to do best by everyone and I just wanted to vent and find support not criticism.
I can take criticism and
I can take criticism and negative feedback because I really do want the outside thoughts...I just think that we all have less than perfect lives or we wouldn't be on here so there's no need to attack each other. I obviously know my situation is screwed up hence my post.
I think there are two
I think there are two reasonable choices here. #1 check that little bitch and shut her down every time and your H can STFU as you are the full time care taker or #2 your H can go on visitation with the baby and be a single parent to his 9 year old using sitters or day care or whatever. He can pay for that and CS to you.