I'm reaching my 2 year anniversary with my partner. We are supposed to sign a new lease, but I am having serious doubts about living together and moving forward with our relationship.

In the beginning, it started out great. She is in her early 30s and her daughter is now 9. She has her daughter most of the week and then she goes to her dad's house on the weekends. I took things slow - I'd spend a few days a week for dinner with them. I babysat from time to time. 

I was excited when we signed a lease together last year, but then we went on our first "family" trip together and I saw the situation for what it was. To preface, I don't have kids of my own, but I like kids, have worked with kids, and have cared for many of my younger relatives. I'm good with kids. Kids like me. 

Okay...I feel really terrible saying this, but I hate her kid. I have great empathy for WHY she's that way, but she is a terror to be around. She is extremely needy. While on our trip, she'd often wedge herself between us, she'd dominate the conversation, she'd interrupt if my partner and I were in conversation, she needed constant attention. She has a lot of anxiety and attention-seeking behavior, so my partner spent SO much time that trip on those tasks, it was very unenjoyable. My partner also had a really difficult time being both a parent and partner (coupled with the fact that the kid took up so much space) that it was a very unenjoyable trip for me. 

I didn't pay attention to the red flags (plus, I couldn't get out of the signed lease), so we moved in together. Oh my god. Living with the kid a nightmare and I see now how unhealthy and codependent they are on each other. She's of the mindset that she's her kid's best friend, but that has equated to poor boundaries. When I'm not home, the kid sleeps in our bed (to which I told my partner, that it isn't a good precedent to set, because it'll make the kid wish I'm not there so she can sleep there). The kid is sometimes polite to me, a lot of times she's pretty dismissive and sometimes she's been rude. She's at that age where she's trying to triangulate the three of us where she'll want to "rat me out" to my partner over small things. My partner also feeds into this pattern with their inside jokes (the daughter made a snarky remark to me the other day and said sarcastically "have a good time working!", which I know comes from my partner complaining to her that I work a lot) and the questions she asks the daughter about my behavior (what time did I leave the house). The daughter also has been caught lying to manipulate the situation and sometimes lying for sympathy (she made up a whole story about being bullied that apparently never happened). 

The kid is 9 years old, but does not seem to shower every day and has issues with basic hygiene. In the first five months of living together, I had to remind her constantly to flush the toilet. She is better about that now, but we still have issues with her leaving her crap all over the place, both in her room and in common areas. I find myself being the one reminding the kid to pick up after herself (like literally will leave food trash on the floor) and I've talked to my partner about it numerous times, and only now does my partner seem to be SLOOOOOWLY trying to be stricter in those areas of hygiene and being considerate. 

At the moment, we have the kid Sun-Thurs. Which means, a few days of "adult time." During the week, my partner barely looks at me. She's fully focused on her daughter.  She won't close our bedroom door at night because she's worried about her daughter waking up (which means, no adult time). 

My partner seems to think my unhappiness in the household is just me. I don't think I am an unreasonable partner. I do work a lot (so there is a lot of room for independence and for her to spend time with her daughter on their own), so I don't think I ask a lot in terms of a time commitment, but I often feel like I'm just waiting for my partner to be a partner. Even after the kid goes to bed, my partner is still in mom-mode and I have to listen to all the stories about the kid from the day with little in return.  

My fear is that this is going to get WORSE as the daughter gets older, especially when she becomes a teenager. I am not someone who wants to throw in the towel prematurely and certainly I want to be accountable for my own difficulties in adjusting to this new parental-adjacent role, but their dynamic feels excessively unhealthy with no real room for a three-dimensional person with their own needs. 

How do you know when to throw in the towel? And how bad is this kid?