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I think I'm losing it VENT

AZmomOF5's picture

Every day it is something new. My DH and I have been married for just over a year. Let me lay it out...

When we started dating over 2 years ago he had EOW visitation. His oldest DS was just turning 12. There was an incident at the SS13's school, long story short the school called CPS on BM.
The CPS report say clearly that tey went because of incident at scool and found that the BM home was in such a state of disrepair and filth that for the safety of the kid they were removing them.
Here is the kick, as soon as CPS said they were taking the kids BM made a horrible and untrue accusation about DH, of course this was found to be untrue... But the damage was done the kids went to foster care. An investigation showed that her accusation was a lie and an attempt tp deflect from her.

Anyhoo once kids are in the system it takes an act of congress to get them out. While in foster the 2 younger step sons did however disclose that oldest ss had been abusing them for years at moms house and that they told her but she dd nothing. We have the transcripts of the interviews and many times asked and answered that it happened at BMs and not at dads and they didnt tell dad because mom wouldn't believe them so why would he.

Fast forward BM was charged and pleaded guilty to neglect 4 counts. DH was charged with not getting SS12 mental help pled no contest as how can he get child help if he dosent know it is needed.
Court sent younger boys back home, saying that the custody put n lace by the divorce court in 2007 was good. So basically sent kids back to live with BM and us getting EOW.

Forward to today. BM is nuts has always been abusive ( the reason DH and her divorced) and is very controlling uses the kids as pawns in a sick game of psychological warfare. Right now the kids are dirty and unkept, they come to us in clothes they have worn all week smelling like death. Add to that that she keeps telling them CPS will come if they fght because she will call them and make CPS take them, she tells them that she hates DH and will have him arrested. She questions them like a deranged lunatic until they make up a story she likes. She called my DH asking him why he allows me to beat him in front of the kids (WTF I have never laid hands on my DH I love him).

I honestly feel as if I am losing my mind. I have 2 DDs and I feel like I am walking a tight rope that can collapse at any second. I am not willing to leave my DH because f his crazy ex, but how on earth am I supposed to deal with it? I finally convinced him to go to court and file for mediation and emergency custody because SS calling him overly upset last night was the last straw.

I really do not like my SS's attitudes and actions but I know that the reasons behind them are nt their faults. And sitting here doing nothing to save kids from psychlogical abuse is something I can no longer stomach. This BM really needs to be taken away.

Her actions and just pure craziness is wearing me down. I do not and have never had drama with my ExH we talk about our DD and nthing else. we basically have no contact. I do not know hw to deal with my DHs ex. I try to be supportive but he has been dealing with her shit for many years and I want him to confrnt it and he is scared of her.

HungryEyes's picture

That sounds like a terrible situation! Why did DH not get custody after the first time when she was charged with 4 counts of neglect? I can't believe the kids went back to her. She sounds horrible. The kids need a lot of counseling and a strong father figure in their lives. Good luck. It sounds like a nightmare honestly. You're braver than I am!

bearcub25's picture

You are living my life 5 years ago.

Read my latest blog and see how that is turning out. I'm sorry the day I ever said that the skids could live in my house when CPS took the kids from BM. Some things love won't just magically fix. Also the skids were 16, 10, 9 when they were taken, you would think the older ones would be happy but by the time they are 9 or 10, their loyalties and personalities are already programmed.

AZmomOF5's picture

I will be seeking counselling because honestly this is making me nuts.
The reason she got custody back we dont understand either. The judge made the decision because CPS recommended that mom was better and that the family needed reunification. IMHO that is bull shit. She is a creaky wheel, she constantly called the CPS woman and bombarded the supervisor with complaints directed at the very capable CPS worker. I think they didn't want to deal with her BS so they just gave her what she wnted.

The oldest child is probably never coming home. She allowed the abuse and for some reason blames everyone but herself. Even going so far as to state the younger boys need to live with him again to face their attacker..... UMM no!

I honestly know that they will always lie for and with their mom because she in ever sense of the word has them programmed. Sadly I know in m heart love won't fix this, I however refuse to leave (even though it gets bad enough that I want to) I refuse because if I do she wins.

Honestly my husband is the kindest most loving man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He choose the wrong woman to marry the first time. She was abusive to him and when he finally walked out I think it pushed her crazy over the edge. She is still years later on the hw dare you walk out on me faze.

I have never in my life dealt with someone like her, and believe me I have dealt with some crazies. She is a special kind of nuts and there are times such as rt now where I actually fear for safety. I am however tired of walking n eggshells to not anger the beast... I am tired of her using those boys as pawns in a sick game f look what I can get away with. I have never used my Bio children against their fathers. I can not even imagine a world where I would deny my oldest the right to see her dad. (my youngest DD has not seen her dad since she was 2 and he went to jail for assault)

I can not imagine life with out the man I am married to now. He truly is my other half, but this witch is driving in a wedge because I do want him to stand up for himself and his sons. And our family as well.

AZmomOF5's picture

SS13 is in residential treatment, SS10, and SS9 live with BM full time we get EOW. When she feels like it and when there is not some imagined slight.

AZmomOF5's picture

dtzyblnd

It was nuts DH came back from court and told me that and I really lost it. I am an emotional person and the thought of those boys with her all the time makes my heart break.

DH just got off phone with SS9 and said he told him " Im not getting to use the computer because I'm talking about you dad and she dosen't like it)