I'd like a POV from someone who has step parents
Forums:
I'm 27 no bio kids. Dh has a son 2.5. I'm looking to hear from people out here with step parents. I'm around SS only when dh is around. Because biomom plays elementary school name calling I'm not comfortable watching SS. She's psychotic. I care for SS, I can't love him like my own because I have none of my own. As of now my goal is not to be his mother nor to replace her but just be like a friend or the cool adult (as I do for my nieces). I do play with SS and stuff. I'm curious to hear a different perspective. I don't want to overstep boundaries but don't want to out in the cold and excluded. I let bio mom and dad deal with SS issues like health ins, doctor visits and what not. Bm and my SO have no custody papers yet. Thanks in advance.
RUN!!! Save yourself a
RUN!!! Save yourself a lifetime of headache, heartache, and endless drama and find someone who, like you, has no baggage that will follow them!
Stepchild here! My parents
Stepchild here! My parents divorced when I was 2... my mother was married 3 times. Mom moved us across the country from biodad at like 7, saw him every summer until I was about 14. Stopped talking to him at 16 by choice. Stepdad is my Dad. I call him Dad, he walked me down the aisle, and I am naming my only biochild (im expecting) after him. He is one of the most important people in my life.
Here is my two cents. This kids mother is very involved, so you are right in that you dont need to be his "mother". But I am a firm believer in teaching kids respect for all adults in their lives. You and your DH are one unit. When SS is with you, you act as a parent- or any other strong adult figure in your own home. Discipline, choices that affect you, should all be ran by you, again you and DH are a team. You are not this child's friend, you are not dads wife, you are an adult that he needs to respect and listen to. That said, you do not have to love this child, but as stepmom you should show him compassion, just like you would a nephew. If you grow to love him- awesome, but only you and SS can define what your relationship will be.
As a stepmom I will say your role in this child's life is up to you. You and your DH need to come to an agreement YOU feel comfortable with in terms of your role. Your role can also change, it is a flexible ever changing dynamic that no one can prepare you for.
Dont let biomom affect your decisions one iota. If you and SS hit it off, then go frolic in a field. If you dont, then dont. The boundaries you are worried about are to be set by you and DH- not her. This is your life and your home. Do what YOU and DH want.
I want to add in agreement
I want to add in agreement with the poster above. He needs to get papers now, better yet- yesterday. Not having papers will be a huge headache for the rest of your lives. Pay the money for an atty, and get it done. Many will do payment plans for you, and if the agreement is already done for visitation, it shouldn't cost much.