if I split with my hubby he's threatening to go for full custody!
I am in a marriage now just for the sake of my 2 year old son. I have 2 ss who are complete nightmares and making my life so bad am seeking counselling and going on antidepresants, amongst other things. There most recent game is 'playing' with knifes! And if I say or do anuthing afainst either of them now am told I'm overreacting and to basically butt out. I lknow hubby blames me for the tension in our house but I've bent over backwards to try and make our blended family work, including family counselling.
The main problem is the eldest ss who is nearly 10 and basically wants to live with his mum (who has stated there's no way in hell she's having him!) So acts up constantly and manipulates people to believe I'm a wicked stepmum! Until now my hubby seemed to be singing off the same page as me, but now he's believing his son and telling me am a drama queen, etc for suffering from depression and to pull myself together! This little brat has all but drained the love me and my hubby had for each other and I don't know what to do.
The problem is, if I leave with the son we have together I know full well hell apply for full custody and use the fact that he 'raised' his other 2 sons himself when their mum walked out on them when they were 3 and 2, also the fact am suffering from depression and am going through bancruptcy (to bail him out!) Against me and probably get full custody! Then the idea of my beautiful boy being stuck with him and a new stepmum, cos he can't possibly exist on his own, kills me and is literally the ONLY thing stopping me from leaving at the moment! Any advice? Anyone think I stand a cats chance in hell of full custody? Advice muchly needed!
I agree with HRNYC, put away
I agree with HRNYC, put away some money and document everything the SS are doing, because you then could prove an unsafe environment for your son. Knives..... Very unsafe... Talk to a lawyer and get some legal advice for what the laws are in your state. Also as far as the depression, lots of times is very situational, I also suffered, and it was all just from the situation I was living in, I now and not suffering from depression or anxiety! Life can be great if you can just take it by the horns and make it yours!!!
Good luck I will pray for you to find peace in this all!!!
It's been my observation that
It's been my observation that unless the mother is UTTERLY unfit (eg., active drug/alcohol abuser, documented physically abusive to children, etc.) mother's get preferential treatment when it comes to custody matters ...
UNLESS (and this is a big one)
The husband has legal connections (is a lawyer, friends with the courts, police, DYS).
If you can document that the SSs present a danger to your child the cause for husband getting even 50% physical custody goes WAAAYYYY down.
I can't see how financial issues should present any problems (especially if you get a good lawyer to make sure the entire situation is laid out for the court). Neither should the depression as long as you're under treatment and everything is under control (especially if your own doctor will either testify or sign and affidavit to this effect, you may need to get an impartial evaluation). The depression, however, would be a major problem if you've ever had a documented suicide attempt.
Get your financial ducks in a row and consult with a good lawyer, seriously.
If you are in the United
If you are in the United States:
1. It's highly doubtful either of you will get full custody of your son with one of two things happening. One of you has to sign over your portion of custody to the other (which seems highly doubtful) or one parent has to be found unfit (which is VERY hard to do).
2. If you want to leave the relationship and have your son with you; file separation/divorce papers that lines out temporary custody. File these papers the same day you plan on leaving the household. This way he can not use the time between you leaving the house and the time you file papers to get the boy and keep him from you.
3. The amount of time it takes to get any kind of final legal decisions will work in your favor. Usually it takes months and even a year or 2 is not unheard of, to get these final decisions made. In that amount of time you will be establishing a status quo of being the "home parent" or primary parent. You have to be sure though not to agree to giving your DH 50/50 time or visitation in temporary papers or this benefit is gone.
4. Many people suffer with depression. That does not mean that you are an unfit mother. Quite honestly, it may only take getting out of that house in order to "cure" you. I have seen people with Bipolar issues keep custody. You just have to be vigilant in making sure everything you do is in the best benefit of the children. You may also be able to have your therapist testify for you that you are a safe and loving mother.
4. As long as you can provide a safe roof over your sons head and healthy food in his tummy bankruptcy will not be an issue either.
5. You may want to get a consultation with a local family law attorney to see what he has to say. They will know what the local judges courts look for in circumstances such as your own.
6. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER take advice from or believe anything your soon-to-be-ex or their attorney has to say about legal issues. They are not looking out for you. Remember you are on the opposite side. They will screw you if they can.
Thank you guys so much. I've
Thank you guys so much. I've never suffered from depression or anything ever before and my doctor knows its literally just because of the situation I am in rather than anything else. The fact that I'm the one who arranged to get help for the family and contacted relate re: ss should show I'm the responsible one and trying to make it work rather than burrying my head in the sand. I will def keep a diary ir events and the fact ss is getting into trouble at school now and sEeing a school nurse because I asked for them to help (not either of his useless parents) then am hoping that will all go in my favour. I've been so down I never thought that it would look bad on him rather than me how his sons turned out, abd I was wondering whether I would be able to highlight that his sons are not happy and are not only causing trouble but playing with knoives (and fire, ss tried to set fire to some grass at the park cos he 'wanted to' and his aunt was there too si can't deny it!)Now I feel that it would work in my favour.
When I return to work part time I'll also be in a better position because I'm an english teacher so will be able to start paying some bancruptcy back and have a good job to show I am able to support my child financially in future.
Thank you so much for all your help. Now I've just got to find the strength to go because staying here only makes me ill and I'm afraid for the safety of my son when ss brings trouble to the house and causes fights he might one day not be able to get out of. Thank you so so much.
Ask your lawyer how your SS's
Ask your lawyer how your SS's behavior can affect your situation. It could be that their behavior may not be brought up. I've seen some judges declare that children are not really part of the equation. Yea, stupid I know, but better off knowing what the judges in your area feel.
Most good lawyers will offer
Most good lawyers will offer a free initial consultation (sometimes over the phone).
Get your ducks in a row and get GONE.