Jealous of a 3 year old
I am wondering if any women out there have/are experiencing the same feelings I am. I am the mother of 4 kids, twice divorced. Believe it or not, I have never dated anyone with kids until recently. I've never wanted to. I've always said the only kids I can love are my own. But now that I'm 42 I figured that maybe I'm wrong. I like kids. Kids like me. I've been parenting since I was 18. I worked with kids in the school system. I know kids. So 7 months I began dating a man with 2 kids.
And it's true, his kids like me. He has a 13 year old son, whom I get along well with and have no issue with. And he has an adorable 3 year old whom I am very jealous of. I think that is a disgusting emotion to have, and yet I have it. I don't want to be around if she's visiting. I don't want to love her. I don't want to cuddle her. I cringe when he hugs and kisses her and says he loves her. Just now I got quickly got off the phone with him when I could hear her in the background ask for water. It's crazy and stupid to be this upset over a 3 year old.
I've tried analyzing my feelings to try to figure them out. I think part of me is jealous because my little girl didn't get a daddy that adored her like that. But I'm also bothered that just 3 short years ago he PURPOSELY had a baby with someone. They planned it. They weren't married, and yet they planned to have a baby in their 40's. I don't understand why they are apart. The situation has gotten ugly and now court is involved and when I think of what's best for this little girl I think the best is that they get back together. I feel like if I weren't in the picture they would be back together (he met me just 3 weeks after he had moved out).
I really need to decided it this is a relationship I still want to pursue. I'm not sure I'm cut out for the step parenting thing.
If you've had these feelings I would love to hear from you. Any tips and advice would be the great.
I have had those feelings
I have had those feelings before. I think my sd was 10 when i first realized i felt that way. It was noy only with my Dh it was also with my MIL. Now I think it was bc I felt like our daughter didnt get as much attention. Then there were times when I felt like he gave SD more attention than me. I was really like that when we were in court all of the time. It wasnt attention directly to sd but it was all caused bc she was there. I have moments on it still I think. I told my husband jst last week to take his pic of sd off his phone screen saver she is 15 and looks like she is going on 21. I know it made him feel strange that I said that and I know he puts that on there bc she always checks to see who is on his phone screensaver but i didnt like it. I dont know why I just didnt. I think I would be the same if it were a ss but I wouldnt lay money on it!
Thanks Patsy. I don't know
Thanks Patsy. I don't know all the abbreviations, but I assume DH is the husband with the kid, right? I don't know who MIL is. I totally know what you mean by the feelings aren't exactly toward the child, but that it's the situation around that child. I know for a fact that if she wasn't my bf's kid, I would adore her and have a lot of fun with her. I also know that if the BM ( I figured that one out) wasn't involved, it would be easy for me to understand my role in this child's life. But the BM is a perfectly capable BM. She loves her little girl. The little girl is not annoying. She's well behaved. She very affectionate towards me. And he's a great dad.
Let me ask you this..did you have these feelings while you were dating? Did you acknowledge them? If so, why did you go ahead and marry him? Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't because of the kid?
Oh my gosh, I know exactly
Oh my gosh, I know exactly how you are feeling! I always try to explain to my fiance that the issue is not with his kid (4 year old girl), but it is with the way he treats me when she is around, etc. He takes everything so personally when it comes to her though. The problem is not with HER, it is with the situation that happens to be created because of HER. It's hard for people who aren't stepparents or in a relationship with someone who has a child to understand why anyone would be jealous of a child, but I totally get it. Does your bf treat you different when she is around? Mine acts like I don't even exist, and we have the kid every other week for the full week so it makes things really difficult.
I get this... my DH is
I get this... my DH is completely different person when SS is around. We always fight when SS is around. He says I do it to ruin his time with his son. That is not the case... I dont really know why it happens that way
He treats me exactly the
He treats me exactly the same, with lots of affection, "i love you's" he's really great. WHen I read a lot of these posts I realize more and more the problem is just me. Why this situation is upsetting to me, I don't really know, it brings up so many feelings I guess. I think maybe I'm just not cut out to be a step parent