Just venting...sorry!
I haven't really been an active participant on this site because I always get consumed with guilt over how harsh my feelings are and I think twice before I lay them wide open...I think I am just afraid of criticism. And lately there have been some daggers lying around on this site and I have been ducking my head in the sand.
Thing is, I am really unwell ( I have IBS & Hiatus Hernia)and have been in bed most of the week (when I can grab a chance in between work in the afternoons and fetching kids from school) and I am not coping with the added pressures of being a BM & SM lately. I find myself saying really nasty things under my breath about SS13 which even shock me. I really don't gel with this kid and even though I understand that he is mentally challenged (ADD) and that some of the time he can't help himself, I still find myself losing it and becoming a real 'dragon-lady & evil stepmom' eventhough I would never hurt him physically, I do tend to lash out verbally. Like when for the 100th time he puts dirty drippy (not even scrapped off)dishes in with the clean dishes in the dishwasher and doesn't look first or ask "are these dishes clean or dirty?" Then I land up washing most of them again! Or I buy him something (like a new juice bottle for school with the freezer section in the middle) and he either leaves it lying in the car or destroys it so that it cannot be used again!
Tomorrow there is a possibility BM may come and collect him for the weekend (we have unofficial primary custody) and I am saying to myself - PLEASE TAKE HIM AWAY AND NEVER BRING HIM BACK!!! I feel so ashamed of myself for feeling this way. I often have to take calming tablets to cope with this situation. Especially when we go out on an occasion with him, like tonight. We promised the kids (BD11 & SS13) that if they did all their chores and earned 25 stars each, we would take them to Supper Theatre (Rockafellas) which is a place where FH entertains and the food is in the form of a buffet (eat as much as you want with free bottomless sodas). SS13 will exhibit such bad manners in the way that he will run around saying (loudly)how bad the food is or ask embarrassing questions about the people at the next table (loudly), or will eat with his hands and generally make it an unpleasant experience. And no matter how we prompt him beforehand that these things are not done and that bhe must behave, he still lands up even embarrassing his own father. Fortunately for FH he will not have to endure this, as he will be entertaining. FH suggests I cancel because I am so unwell, but I feel bad for the kids, especially BD11 as she has really tried hard and even earned extra stars to be able to go tonight.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I just had to get that off my chest.
Thanks Proud_Arrow, now I
Thanks Proud_Arrow, now I don't feel like I am the big bad SM. I think everything can mostly be blamed on bad parenting. I have been in his life now since he was 9 and have at least got him to have some manners at home, like eating with a knife and fork and eating off a plate. This 'caveman - type behaviour' was also a bit noticable in FH when I met him, but he conformed quickly. Must have been their lazy lack of decent life-style. But now when I pick out SS13, FH says that he doesnt know any better because BM and her family are like that and when he goes to visit her 4 time a year, it rubs off on him. Well I have been around long enough to change that by now! He also speaks to adults as it they are kids and I STRONGLY object to that!!! Some people will smile and look at me as if to say 'cool parenting mthods' so I always pull him aside and reprimand him, but he blinks at me as if to say 'f** u, lady!'
The dishwasher & bottle things are usually at the boiling point stage for me, because by then I have kept my mouth shut for quite a while and things errupt (like today).
FH blames EVERYTHING on the ADD. SS13 is not medicated as it causes headaches and he says he feels like a zombie, so FH has not pushed the issue, eventhough we have had resistance from the homeschool teacher. He is disruptive in class and the teacher says he cannot sit down and complete a task. I spoke to him about this and told him that it was up to him to 'pull his socks up' and get this under wraps, as he is not hyper and can concentrate if he puts his miond to it. I told him that FH spends a lot of money on his education and because he is 3 years behind his peers who are in 'normal'schools, he has a lot of catching up to do. I also told him that if he disrupts his fellow students, it will result in their parents also wasting their money to send their kids to that school and he will be blamed! He seemed to see where I was going with this. I reduced his sugar & coffee intake (once again), reduced TV time and threatened to take the cellphone away at bedtime if I thought that he was lying listening to it and not getting enough sleep. I also made bedtime half hour shorter. Unfortunately, I had to have the same rules for BD11 as I try to make things fair in the house and not isolate the kids. I explained to her that this can only benefit her in the long run. She understands. (behind his back I do give her that extra reward for being so understanding (like an extra half spoon sugar or extra biscuit - she's a good student and well mannered child).
I care about this child but jeeeez does he push my buttons and get my PMS going prematurely!
Thanks for the advice! Take care.
My DH also doesn't force
My DH also doesn't force Concerta on his son b.c. son decides if he feels like taking it... when son acts up he says: not my fault, (and laughs) I didn't take my meds so I'm wild.
DH says, its his choice & he's just a boy & you don't understand boys.