Lack of relationship between bf and child
Am I over reacting? My my bf and I have been in a blended family situation for a year now. He has a 3 year old son and I have a 9 year old. Our relationship is fine however he makes little effort to have a relationship with my son. He will not even comment on a photo of him on social media, however he will on other kids. When I asked him about it he got angry and said it's only a comment, however it truly bothers me and it is to the point I am truly considering ending the relationship. My son has and will always be my priority, I have made him aware how I feel about his lack of relationship with my son but it does not change things. This social media thing just put the final nail in things for me, but am I overreacting. Leaving also means I'm leaving his son and I have a strong bond with him.
What do you think your
What do you think your boyfriend's relationship with your son should be like? Has your boyfriend been unkind or abusive? Does he neglect your son's needs? What is the level of involvement of your son's father?
They have very little
They have very little relationship, they speak and that's it. My sons dad is still in the picture so I'm not looking for a father for him, but I do want them to have a relationship. All our arguing typically revolves around the lack of effort and relationship, but nothing changes.
He doesn't have to have a
He doesn't have to have a "relationship" with your son. His relationship is with you.
Does your son's father also
Does your son's father also see any social media posts? Maybe that's why.
You are completely over reacting to a social media post.
You are completely over reacting to a social media post. There are many good reasons why your BF may not have commented on the picture. What is it that you want your BF to do that he is not doing as far as your son is concerned? If your son has an active father in his life, why does he need a close relationship with your BF?
As someone who's heard this before
you need to be more specific on what you mean by relationship. And there's probaby more going on if you're willing to end your relationship over this.
It's really hard to know what
It's really hard to know what's what when people say this. What are you wanting your BF to do? How does your son behave? Does he annoy your BF and he's disengaged because you won't parent? How does your son feel about your BF?
The comment on social media means nothing. I would never have commented on anything about my SS (if DH had social media) for fear of bringing BM's wrath down on my head. I was nice to SS and we talked, watched TV, played games, but that was about it. We didn't and don't have a close relationship, but I was always kind to him.
Can you give more examples?
I agree with prior posters
I agree with prior posters that a social media post is not a good indicator. I am very careful with whether/how I respond to anything on social media relating to my skids because their mother is very much in the picture and I don't want to appear to overstep. While she is rational and we cooperate, she has previously commented about social media to me - I guess she doesn't want anything to interfere with her public "image" regarding her children, and an involved SM might do that.
I suspect that's far from the only issue but a better example would be helpful. If you were both hands off with regard to the other's kids I'd think nothing of this, but if one parent is all in and the other kind of shuns that parent's child, I can see where there would be bad feelings and the child would feel "less than." How much do you do for his child? How do you think he'd react if you didn't? Does he expect that? What are you expecting him to do for your child? If he talks to him, is kind to him, and doesn't exclude him, that might be enough. If he doesn't, that'd be a relationship ender for me. I'm not clear on what you want him to do, though. In any event I would closely examine your child's behavior and your parenting and make sure that's not a factor.
Since your son "will always
Since your son "will always be your priority" you need to stay single until he is 18.
I think when you take on
I think when you take on someone with kids, you do (or at least should) make a commitment to try and have some sort of relationship with them. However, loving or bonding with skids is just not always possible (and no blame should be attached to that). For whatever reason, perhaps your BF just doesn't like your son and struggles to bond with him.
The thing that concerned me the most was your comment about your son being your" first priority and always would be". If my DH had ever said that to me, I would have walked. I see that as horribly disrespectful to your partner. Why should anyone (adults or kids) be made to feel a second priority? In a blended family, it has to be about balance. Sometimes the kids/skids will come first and sometimes the adult's needs will come first.
I think you would both benefit from counselling to try and align your expectations. If you can't align them, then by all means end the relationship.