Losing control over my life!
Oh brother...something just happened yesterday to trigger my anxiety and frustration. I actually had an urge to come and blog right away but I was too upset. It's actually something that might not sound like a big deal but it's diving me crazy! Anyway here it is: So my BF and I have been talking about buying a new house and renting out our home now because we're into property management and real estate that sort of thing. We were looking at a specific area that is about 20 mins from where we live now which is nice but a bit out of the way of everything but will have nice property and a good place to relax and raise a family. We were both on board with this idea. But yesterday I had found a property that I asked him to look at and he says: we can't move there anymore..we need to move closer to BM's house so SS can stay at the same school. Ok, first of all I would be more likely to agree if the kid was older and actually had friends at the school. But he's 5 and in kindergarten and doesn't have friends there! Argh...so then I got to thinking oh gosh is this how its always going to be? We can't move here, we have to move there, can't live in this house it's not suitable for SS, etc. I'm sooo angry about this right now. I feel trapped and not in control of my life and the things that happen to me. I don't like feeling forever stuck to the decisions made for me because of SS. Especially if we do get full custody...I don't understand why we can't take him where we want to be..especially because those are the exact words my BF said to me just last week! It does feel a lot better to write out my feelings because when my BF and I were talking about this last night I automatically shut down right when he said that..he's like "what's wrong honey" but I pretended nothing..even though I was on the verge of tears and had to try desperately to not let them flow out. I'm sorry to burden you with all my problems..but I had to tell someone and my friends don't necessarily understand..all they say is well you can leave the relationship u know..and I do know that obviously but I have no intention to leave him. I love him very much and at the end of the day..without all this drama he and I are perfect for each other. Of course we have our problems..mostly that I don't communicate my feelings enough to him. This is because I don't want to offend him and his parenting. But I do know that my needs are important. I just need to figure out a way to express them and not be afraid of his reaction. Thanks for listening!
You definitely have to learn
You definitely have to learn to communicate better otherwise all of your life decisions will be made for you and you will grow more and more resentful. This will ultimately poison whatever love you have for one another.
Don't stiffle your wants and needs. Discuss it with him and try to come to a compromise.
Don't marry this guy then.
First you're probably right in that kids are very adaptable and a move right now probably won't have any long term effect on the kid. For that matter millions of kids (Army brats for instance) move repeatedly all their lives and although they feel they've missed out on things they're capable adults and often join the Army. (Maybe they miss the moving - there are advantages).
But Dad has made it pretty clear that his kid comes first and I applaud him for putting his kid's need for his mother first and ahead of his career. This one thing tells me he's a good potential father for your children.
But you've first got to resolve this in your mind and understand that you will always be secondary to his children. I say plural because if you have some with him he will still have to take into consideration this one childs needs.
When you marry a guy with children you're wants will never come first. Adjust to that or move on. And I would definitely sit down with him and open up the lines of communication. Don't sit on this stuff. He's your husband - well almost - and open communication is vital to a marriage.
Don't buy anything until you're married and DO NOT have children until you're certain you can stay in this relationship.
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If you decide to this this and since no one else will thank you for what you're considering doing I will do so now. Thank you for being important in this kids life. Fifty years from now its the only thing that will matter about your existance.