Hi all,

So I have a lot going on unsure where to start but im in a long term relationship and adore my partner to no end. I have an SD12 and my own 4 children as well. We arent married so not technically SD. Anyhow she has behavioural issues as well as epilepsy. As a result my partner babies her and waits on her hand and foot. To start with we lived together for a year or so after which he has since moved out as it was too hard for him and he felt bad placing the stress of her on me and my children. I didnt agree nor disagree with him moving out. He said nothing has changed feelings wise and he felt living separate was best to save our relationship. I told him i preferred to work through it together but that did not happen, he left anyway. He said we would still see a lot of each other but we only see each other 2 nights a week sometimes only 1. He is taking his daughter more and more it used to be eowe. This while admirable has made me rather insecure. Before he moved out I brought up issues I was having with blending. Every night he had his daughter he would sleep in her bed with her. He said this was to watch for seizures, however i still felt uneasy about it because there were other issues such as him calling her and I the same pet names including sexy girl, princess, beautiful, babe etc... i told him i found esp the sexy one hugely inappropriate, he said he slipped as he calls me that so much but also that it was just a word and i was overreacting. On top of this he would snuggle on couch with her massage her feet etc. Is this normal as I told him i felt uncomfortable in my own home and he would go silent and i basically didnt exist any time she was here. Now i get she needs extra care and deserves her dads time and affection but at the full expense of myself? I never or rarely got a hug or kiss while she was here any and all affections, conversations were transferred, i felt like the roomate watching a boyfriend and girlfriend at times. He apologised for this and didnt realise i was feeling ignored so definitely made an effort to change this in the final weeks before deciding to move out and stopped with some of the pet names. I said just keep 1 for me SD can have the rest. So in a way i was relieved when he moved out but i feel it coincided with me bringing these issues to the surface and that he has moved out so that he can continue to be this way with her without me questioning him. He now focuses on how we can focus on happy times, holidays, dates and not worry about blending. So i feel like he only wants the good times with me and keep the rest separate. I know i must sound crazy but ive barely touched the surface, he says he loves me, calls everyday, is wonderful when he is with me but I still feel so anxious and strange about the entire thing. We went from living together to 2 nights seeing each other and i almost feel like its my punishment for questioning his wife-like treatment of his 12 year old. She would also interrupt and intercept conversations and tell me off if i was disciplining my own children, saying to me dont tell him what to do, and also parent like behaviours, trying to dress my son or walk in on him whilst he was dressing saying she can help him. Id tell her to go out and she would say no, so my son and i would have to go to another room. I think I am in shock right now as it was just so strange. I now have no desire to see him when he has his daughter as im resentful now, im trying to be understanding but its really hard. Please dont abuse me i already dont feel great about my feelings towards a 12 year old. I love kids, i have 4 of my own. I wanted a relationship with her and to marry my partner someday but now we dont even live together, he says we will when kids are older but his daughter needs care for life due to multiple conditions so am i to wait and see or accept ill never live with him or be a priority. Right now he says any nights his daughter doesnt want to come over to his house he will be here with me but he wants to be a good dad so will have her whenever needed which is great kids arent kids long. Look i dont know if ive given enough detail but i feel like our relationship is controlled by a 12 year old. Im lost please help. Should i have walked away by now? I cant seem to do it. I dont want to lose him. Just quickly when we moved in together his daughter was not having visitation with him so i didnt know the full extent until he got visitation back and we already lived together. 

Thanks for reading

Much appreciated