Don't answer her cell calls! Email email email. Get Google Voice (free) and send all her calls to voicemail. Respond to voicemails in email. Be brief, only respond to things involving Daughter, and with as little info as needed. Yes or No will suffice in many instances.

Handle disputes through the court, and discuss nothing other than Daughter. No meetings, no "I've had a bad day." He's moved on physically, he needs to cut the ties emotionally.

Why does this woman hate me so much?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ummmm…probably because you were the other woman. FYI – your DH may have told you that it was A OK for him to date while living with his EX, but I guarantee what went down is this….

He and his SO were probably having a few marital problems. I assure you that he was cheating from the get go. And then along comes this “early 20’s” young girl and her SO is not man enough to stand by his SO.

Sorry, but the whole OW situation rubs me the wrong way, especially when you ask…why does she hate me.

FYI – this will get worse. If he loves his kid, he will put up with her crazy sh!t for a long time so be prepared.

The ugly truth is that she will never go away. As long as you have a life with a man she has a child with, she will ALWAYS make herself present.

Even though in his mind they were not a couple for 4 years, they were still living together...the 3 of them, in their family home. Perhaps he moved on 4 years previous, but obviously, she had not. He had already dealt with 4 years of closure & she hadn't yet come to grips that they were over.

My guess is that the fact that he started a relationship with you while he was still living with her probably planted a "hate" seed that she will forever hold onto. You can go forever without giving her reason to hate you. She just will. She will always feel that the two of you owe her something.

It is up to your fiance to address this with her & set boundaries with her. Make an agreement for finances & that's what he pays. He doesn't take phone calls to discuss her debts or her needs. When conversation turns away from their daughter, he cuts it off...immediately.

If you have not yet married, think twice before you do. She will likely not change. What you experience with her now will likely be life from now on.

Can I ask...how long have the two of you been together? How is your relationship with his daughter now?

Yes it is a normal BM drama. Here is what I would recommend, look into the common law marriage in your state, if they were never married and your state doesn't recognize the common law marriage then their is no spouse support (i.e. in Oregon it is 7 years living together). Also keep everything, try to insist that she communicate through email due to cell phone plans that way everything is in writing, if that is not possible write down everything date time and conversation. It can only help you. Also for future info don't file joint taxes, she could try to modify support by factoring in your income file for married filing separate. My FDH's BM was talking to her sister on face book how she had it all planed when he and I got married to come after for more spouse support and more child support. Her profile was public and we read it all, she isn't the brightest light bulb.

If you couldn't guess I am going through something similar, I am 22 and future DH is 28. His ex wife is less than thrilled, she liked it better when he was depressed and on his own because she could get anything she wanted from him... Just hang in there and I would recommend that you both set aside time once a week where it is just you two, no talking about the BM or SD. The drama will take a toll on your relationship. And you don't want to start taking it out on each other.

Man if you are not married run! Lots of people on here will tell yo the same thing! You and your fiance will always struggle because of ex and stupid child support/BM play money!

Tell her to go out and get a better job, that pays more! and rae rae good advice but if her fiance is like most SO's he will drag his feet on that even if he does get the voicemail thing, some stupid emergency will come up and she will eventually get new phone number for your MIL or some other family member from his side

I know your feelings are all involved, and you see wedding bells, but think of that Child support and manatory health insurance coming out of his paycheck leaving you all with "love" to live off of!

How old is the daughter?

So, did she flip out before or after the two of you (you & her) were introduced? It seems she took the introduction okay, but not the news of the relationship.

I advise you to get out of this relationship as it will always be like that..sad but i'm afraid..True

It comes down to this. Unless your man is going to control the BM and set FIRM boundaries with her (not just SAY he will to please you for the moment and then DO the opposite) then the relationship is DOOMED!

If he has said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it might affect my daughter" then HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!

Sounds to me like he is trying to "please two women" which is quite a common phenomenon when it comes to men with previously enjoyed families. He's trying to make "everybody happy" and that will NEVER EVER work.

He may TELL you that he is going to make boundaries for the BM but then when the pressure is on, do the exact opposite.

You are a young woman and don't need all this horrendous drama. You've been with this man almost three years and nothing really has changed has it? He's still allowing the BM to pull the strings "for the sake of his daughter" (TM)

RUN! and find a nice young CHILDLESS man to start your life with.

Hell she better run! BM and step kid drama has destroyed the most loving couples! some people just cant deal with all of that..and its stressful..all joking aside...and the financial stuff is reason alone to go seperate ways ...By the sounds of it his credit is not that great to start with thats why they had the living thing going on and to be with the daughter..

he could have moved out on his own and still took care of what he needed to (if the relationship was over)but those two stated reasons just dont sound right to me to still stay in the same house...

So you future husband has: Semi-bad credit/bankruptcy
A baby momma causing drama
and child support and a BM threating to take more money!

yep sounds like this marraige is going to have a great start.

I am not putting you down, Im just trying to help you open your eyes for what is to come. Please think long and hard

Oh and yeah if he had to stay there to provide for daughter, does that mean he will not be able to since he is now living with you? See what I mean questions... questions... You are 20 years old just getting started, and what about when you want to have kids... and why in the heck would he choose to pay 900 over 400?? Thats taking money to pay for "Thier bills" away from you/your new houshold ..... have him to pay 850 thats half of the debt thing and the 400 child support 50 may not sound like a lot, but it sure can put food on the table or pay an energy or water bill or put gas in the car.....she is making him "pay" for leaving her.

Im telling you this is just the beginning

I would have all her calls go to voice mail and return only the calls that have to do with his daughter. Email is even better. If she starts talking about herself to BF on the phone then he needs to quickly end the conversation.

He could completely stop answering the cell so she has to call the home number.

Unfortunately this is typical behavior for BM's who are trying to control BF and anyone in his life. My husband got it together when I told him that it didn't matter who was in his life, she was going destroy his relationships.

The phone calls have quieted down, but she is always up to something....Hang in there!

Oh please. Fact is that even if he had moved out 4 years before, she would still hate you for being younger. Period. End of story. If he's an idiot that thinks that his kid should dictate his life, then he'll continue to kiss her behind. Guess what? My kid does NOT control my life. He does NOT decide when my DH and I have alone time or not. Wether he likes it or not. Period. But some think that kids of divorce have a right to control their parents. I have to say, that even my sister got divorced and I applaud that she has moved on and not allowed her kids to dictate her life. Her kids may be angry, but really, that's on them. Sorry, divorce is difficult for all involved, but that does not mean that kids get to decide what their parents do. If you as a parent wanted to allow them to decide your life, you should've done that BEFORE you divorced. But as always, the BMs view mostly is "kids decide what daddy gets once we divorce", but the kid "does NOT decide wether I divorce the AHOLE or not..." go figure...

I say stay as far away from her as possible. Enjoy your life. Keep your money separate.

Men are just dumb clueless. If you're going to date,move out. Why give BM false hope that things may work out? Of course she's going to hate/place blame on the other woman. SM in turn blames BM. The one who created the issue gets off scott free

He was too ncie to her. She saw them still living together as them being, most likely, about to work things out. You were not supposed to break up their potential reunion/silly living arrangement. In her mind you were and ARE the other woman.

This may not be true from any objective viewpoint; to her, it is the reality.

(I should add that I have rarely, in my nearly forty years, ever met a man who lived with an ex who was not still having sex with her at least occasionally, and either by ommission or by commission leading or allowing her to believe they were still in some way a "couple".)

She hates you because to her you are the other woman and no amount of his reasons why you are and were not will change her mind.

~I don't think YOU have done anything unethical at all. I can't speak for him and she's obviously a nutbag, so there you have it.~

I'm curious why you moved so far away from his daughter? How often does he see her? If you choose to stay in the relationship, you have to develop very thick skin. It's very difficult dealing with a crazy BM, and in my case, she's ok with me but hates my DH. She refuses to talk to him and rarely emails or texts, but she still makes us miserable because she communicates through the skids (which she has been told repeatedly not to do by therapists). It is very invasive in your home no matter how they do it. Make sure you're ready for many years of that.

First, sure, BM sounds crazy, but she may have been mislead.
I don't understand how the guy who continues to live in the same house with the ex " so they could provide for his daughter" is ok with moving 3,000 km away from her. That is quite a change. It seems that it was a financial decision, more than getting away from BM. How is that for the girl, to have dad so far away?

I don't find this to be normal BM/ex relationship stuff. I have to deal with the same types of issues even though my fiancee and his ex were not together for at least two years before we got together. My solution (which took a while for my fiancee to get on board with) was to change his cell number. Now, she can only contact him through our home phone, which she won't seem to do, or through his mother who is the drop off/pick up go between now. Funny how we get no 3am calls, texts or picmails anymore or any "your son wants to talk to you" calls now that she has no cell to go through. Honestly, it did take a long time to get him to do this, and I could never understand that when he knew it was so bad for me. I finally threatened to leave if he didn't take control and set boundaries and he actually did. Maybe this could help a little in your situation.