Need Advice from those with Experience!
Okay, here's the situation. Up until now, BM has stayed pretty much out of my way. Nothing above or beyond common pleasantries at skid events. Last visit, she felt it was appropriate to send oven mitts with younger skid (12yo) to "keep skid from getting any more burns from cooking." Now, skid and dad have been having a great time bonding over him teaching younger skid how to cook. Yes, younger skid did get one small burn on hand when a baking sheet slipped (nothing horrid, not even a blister, just a common burn we treated with cold water, and ice pack, and then neosporin/bandaid).
I won't lie; I am pissed that she felt she could make this backhanded insult (you clearly can't take proper care of skid, so I'll do it for you), and I am PISSED that she was able to cross the threshold into my house. My question is; is this a crime of opportunity (she saw a chance to make a little dig and took it), or is this the beginning of a more extensive attempt to infiltrate my home? It makes a difference in how I deal with it. If it's just a little dig because she saw an opening, then I'll just ignore it. But if this is the beginning of a more extensive campaign, then action should be taken (tho I'm not sure what) to make sure she knows it won't be easy (and hopefully decide it won't be worth it).
Based on your experiences, what do you all think I'm looking at here? And if you think it's the start of something bigger, what kind of action would be appropriate?
I dont think you can know
I dont think you can know until more time passes. Frankly, if I were you though I would take the oven mitts and put them up until Christmas time, then get a gift bag, and have your ss present them to her as a christmas present.
The thank you note is what I
The thank you note is what I would do. Just pretend she was being nice, and not a b***h. "Thank you so much - it was so thoughtful of you to give SS/DS the oven mitts - it made him so happy and he felt like such a grown-up!"
thanks for the input! I
thanks for the input! I suppose you're right, and engaging isn't a good answer either way. I just don't know how well I'll cope if she starts doing this kind of thing on a regular basis. As it is, on this small issue, I'm struggling to not resent the skids for giving her a pathway into my home. If this is hard for me, how will I be able to cope if I have to take the kind of crap I read about on here from some truly psycho BMs? I cried for Asher, and cringe at the thought of many of the other BMs. I thought I was doing okay with the whole step thing, but this could potentially blow me completely out of the water...and then, she wins. Sometimes people just suck.
I LOVED the suggestion that
I LOVED the suggestion that leahmcc311 made!! A little passive aggressive but the initial shot across the bow was too! If this is the biggest issue you have right now...God Bless YOU!! Sounds like you are doing a great job and handling things really well...(better than I would). I totally understand how you are struggling with no letting this get underneath your skin but don't let it. That is EXACTLY what she wants. If you go down to her level it will will just escalate things. I would venture to guess that if she got a lovely thank you note in the mail instead of silence or a snide thank you she would be going nuts. She may try this tactic again but sounds like you and yours is making a nice life with your skid and that is really all that matters. (Im trying to take my own advice)
Good luck.
I would ignore it. You don't
I would ignore it. You don't know what was told to her. It could have gone down like this:
BM: oh my, how did you get that burn
SK: we were cooking
BM: why didn't you use oven mitts
SK: they didn't have any for me.
So instead of BM pulling a typical email how dare you, you careless, thoughtless ja.
She bought oven mitts for you to continue cooking.
Sit back and laugh about it.
My sd used to go home and tell bm things like:
SD: 12yrs ODD got new riding boots (they show horses)
BM: did you get some to
SD: No, I didn't get any, but I need some too.
BM: WEll it is totally wrong of them to buy for one and not the other
THe real story:
SD's boots still fit and were $130.00 boots..
ODD's boots were outgrown, she paid half for AND were $40.00 boots.
another one:
SD: ODD got a whole new contesting getup for the horse it's not fai
BM: What do you mean
SD: I have to use last years stuff and she gets all new stuff all the tim
BM: It is totally wrong of them, they shouldn't treat you that way. etc,
The real story: ODD asked for all her horse equipment for her birthday and Christmas, not from just me, but her dad and all her family.
so I askd years later
SM: SD did you actually tell your mom that ODD got all this new stuff?
SD: Yes, I did
SM: But SD, we didn't buy it all for her and you nothing, why would you tell your BM that we did for her and not you
SD: I was jealous and mad
SM: And did you ever go back to your BM and tell her that ODD got all that for Christmas and Birthday and you had the same opportunity to ask for things and chose not to.
SD: Of course not.
You just never know what is being said. How it's being said, or how they perceived something. SD got over being mad, but BM wouldn't. I wouldn't either.
infiltrate your home?
infiltrate your home? seriously? i think you're over reacting here. the woman by your own account stays out of your things. She probalby has moved on happily with her life. She's just making sure her child is cooking in safe conditions. she could have been really nasty about it, and claimed negligence, but she didn't. I wish everyone of us had such a thoughtful and together biomom like you have.
I have to agree that it could
I have to agree that it could be an over-reaction - I have reacted a couple of times like that to XH's actions when they haven't really warranted it. It's just a stressful thing to have another parent out there who may or may not have an impact on your life at any time and it can make it hard to have perspective.