New here and going nuts!
Ugh! As I read through a lot of these posts, I sigh and shake my head because I know these feelings all to well. I've only been a Stepmom since last May, but even before then, the BM was causing problems. Long story short, she's a manipulative, bitter woman. She makes a lot of money, spoils the daughters, and is up my DH's butt. She also puts things in the girls' heads to make us look bad, acts like she's the bigger person in front of my DH, but then goes out of her way to make me uncomfortable every chance she gets. I've tried the whole ignoring it thing, but that's a load of crap in real life. To top it all off, she is ruining the girls. They can be so rude and ungrateful, and they are no older than 6! My DH is the classic hide under a rock when there is conflict type of guy, so he isn't always reliable when it comes to sticking up for me. When we've discussed my role in the girls' lives, he says I can discipline and do what comes naturally (I have been a preschool teacher, child advocate, and am now a child therapist), but will then undermine me in front of them sometimes. That's new. I'm so fed up! I love kids and these two are no different. But I don't know if I can tolerate their negative behaviors in OUR home when I am not respected as a parent figure. This sucks because I'm starting to resent the kids for their bad behavior and my DH for his horrible ex. Bleh...
---My DH is the classic hide
---My DH is the classic hide under a rock when there is conflict type of guy---
Sounds like my DH too! I know how you feel. I too resent my SD for not only her behavior but her BM and my DH's as well. Even though they all play their own part in the problem, in the end it all becomes one big mess and I have come to associate my SD with the problems that I have with my DH and his ex too. It doesn't help that my SD is manipulative and my DH is such a fool when it comes to seeing through her crap. My DH actually admitted once that he'd rather make me angry than his ex. He said it was just easier on him to deal with me being angry than having to listen to her! Ummm...DH you have to live with me not her. He constantly gives into his ex and let's her have her way knowing that it will cause a conflict between him and I just so that he doesn't upset the ex. This behavior would make some sense to me if she had custody and he was just afraid that she would take away visitation but we have custody and BM has limited visitation...limited! He has the "power" as far as courts and lawyers are concerned..so why does he act like this? I may never figure that one out.
I truly love my SD with all my heart but I have to be honest and say that I too feel resentment and it is not easy to deal with. I wish you all the luck. I hope that knowing someone else out there knows how you feel helps a little. It's a tough road but we'll make it.