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OH can't tell step kids 'no' for anything.

Dichotomy's picture

My OH can't enforce a rule. SKids (12, 14, 16):
- do nothing around the house (they can't clean their room, empty the dishwasher or put clothes in the washing )
- get their own meals made for them (they won't eat what we eat- they all have different dietary preferences so they tell OH exactly what they want and he makes it even if it means making 3 different meals for 3 different kids, plus our own meal (which I make)).
- get bought everything they ask for.

OH is wonderful- does everything. Cleans, cooks is continually organising. And still helps out with our bio kid (who is 3).

I'm a big believer that kids should pitch in, help around the house and most importantly EAT what we put on the table. I'm getting fed up with it honestly. OVer the years it's kind of annoying me more and more. I thought they would get better but no change. But worse than this, my completely non fussy and already polite helpful bio son (who is expected to eat what we eat of course as I think making different meals for bratty teens is insane) is continually having to watch his older Step brothers and sisters carry on like pork chops on all their requirements of what they will eat, and throw their clothes on the floor when he's expected to tidy up all his toys.

How do I enforce rules for our son when bio kids don't help at all? I disengaged years ago by the way- didn't realise there was a 'word' for it but I always considered "his kids, his responsibility". Skids are with us full time.

Rags's picture

Dupe

Rags's picture

And.. what you do is when the Skids don't eat what is prepared... they starve. Any of their crap on the floor or not cleaned and put away gets all bagged together and dumped in their rooms. Lather, rinse, repeat.

When you get to the end of your rope with that rather than bagging it in their room you dump it in the garbage bin unbagged and if they want it they can go fish it out from the food waste, cat litter, etc.....

THey will learn or they will not eat or have any personal belongings in YOUR home. Meanwhile your son will continue to perform to the standards you set.

Dichotomy's picture

Oh dear! Willing servant is not too far from the truth.

To be fair I know these are small things. The kids do well at school and they are extremely polite to me. It's just the expectation they have of their father. They don't expect it of me as I push back- when the middle one asked me to cut him up a apple the other day I looked at him and handed him a knife.

I take the point that my son is 3 and I am stating what I will and won't allow when he's 13 but seriously he already eats with us. Curry with rice last night and tofu stir fry tonight. If he doesn't eat it, I don't pander to him and give him chicken nuggets.... He eats healthy and with us.

I would happily let the kids eat what we do or starve but I won't get any support from my other half on that. He just forever caters to them. That's one of the qualities I love about him I guess- his generosity- but it's also to the detriment of good parenting at times.

twoviewpoints's picture

Oh come on...Tommar and you are being dramatic. Chicken or beef curry with rice doesn't sound any worse to some people than Alfredo with kale linguine sounds to other people. I'm not huge on tofu but the second evening being chicken or shrimp stirfry would work for me *shrugs*

I tolerate tofu in hot and sour soup just fine.

notasm3's picture

Even if I personally would not eat some things (tofu hot dogs for example) I would NOT be an obnoxious ahole if someone served them to me. I'd find a way to politely decline. BTDT.

Disneyfan's picture

Growing up my mom cooked plenty of southern meals that she and my dad but my sister I would not touch. On those nights we ate part of the meal, a bowl of cereal or had a sandwich.

Disneyfan's picture

Curry what~chicken, shrimp, goat????

Clearly your husband doesn't mind doing the things he's doing for his kids. No one is demanding you follow his lead, the kids are well behaved and respectful. You have hit the steptalk jack pot

twoviewpoints's picture

My father enjoyed hunting. His mother would cook rabbit and pheasant which was actually good... as long as no one told me as a child what it was. I always got 'give it a bite and see what you think'.

The one thing I remember not willing to sample was frog legs.

twoviewpoints's picture

Liver and onions aren't so bad if prepared decently. Shoe leather style, well, I'll give you that one.

Disneyfan's picture

I love liver and onions with rice. Even as kids it was a meal my sister and I would wolf down.

Disneyfan's picture

That's how my dad got me to eat deer meat. I thought it was roast beef.LOL

He didn't tell me what it was until I had cleaned my second plate. :jawdrop:

notasm3's picture

I LOVE liver. My mother fixed it all the time when I was a child. When she was older (and dying of breast cancer) I was cooking for her and offered to make it since she'd always made it when I was growing up. She told me that she HATED liver but made it (1950s) because she thought she was supposed to make it.

We had frog legs once when visiting in the south (lived in Detroit then) and my brother tried to order it in Michigan (very expensive). I'm still not a fan although I have some in my freezer right now.

I think much of what we will eat is based on what we were exposed to as a child. I don't really want to eat rabbit, frog legs or squirrel. They might all be great - but it's just a mental image of what I don't want to eat for me.

notasm3's picture

Liver isn't bambi.

I don't want to eat Bambi. I've tried - but venison just isn't palatable to me.