Hi everyone. I'm very, very new here but I came here because I need some good advice from those of you who have been in a similar situation.

I am a biological mom to two children, my daughter who is 11 and my son who is 5. I am a step mom to an 8, almost 9 year old boy. I am not married to my boyfriend but we have been together for four years. I don't even know where to start, there are so many issues with my step son. When my boyfriend and I met, he was a chubby 5 year old boy who was a pretty picky eater. At 5, I wasn't super worried about his eating habits as I figured he would grow out of them. He has not. If anything they have only gotten worse. The only things he will eat are processed foods (it has to come out of a box, the freezer and into a microwave, or be fast food). I pride myself on being a good cook. I don't necessarily stress making healthy things but I make a large variety of meals and try to keep them relatively balanced. Over the last four years I have had moderate success in getting my step son to try new foods. My rule has been that he has to try a few bites of something and if he doesn't like it, fine, he doesn't have to finish it. But it has to be tasted. And the next time I make something he has to try it again until he has tasted something three separate times. Apparently when he goes home to his mother though, he complains that I am forcing him to eat food he doesn't like even though he doesn't display much defiance towards eating it in our home. At home, his mother feeds him nothing but junk food: chicken nuggets, pancakes (for dinner), cereal with Equal in it (LOL), corn dogs, and "square eggs" with cheese (eggs she makes in the microwave in a square container). Now because he has been telling her that I am forcing him to eat "horrible food", she has told my boyfriend that either we feed him the crap she does or she won't let him come for visitation anymore. Her and my boyfriend have a court order dictating visitation but he is so afraid that she will withhold his son from him (which she has done in the past) that he does whatever the hell she wants him to. His son is morbidly obese at this point (8 years old, 4'8", 120 lbs, wearing the largest child size I can find, usually an XXL but those are getting really snug). On top of the eating issues, he does absolutely nothing that requires movement. If we play a sport outside, it's less than five minutes before he quits. I have also almost never seen him without a video game in his hand (including his own communion party). My boyfriend constantly tells me we are on the "same team" and that he agrees with what I am trying to do but will not back me up on helping his son grow up to be a happy and healthy man for fear of retaliation from his ex. There are several more issues with this poor boy: he cries probably around 10-12 times a day over literally nothing and then will not tell anyone why he is crying, up until 6 months ago his mother still had him sleeping in pull ups because she was too lazy to take him to a doctor or try to make changes so he wouldn't wet the bed at night, he is still unable to tie his shoes and either wears velcro or has an adult tie them or when in school has one of the other children tie them, up until about a year and a half ago he was still sleeping in his mother's room with her (on the floor no less) and will still not sleep "alone" (someone has to be in the room with him), he only learned how to read about two years ago, he is getting made fun of in school for his weight and his lack of necessary skills, and his mother constantly grills him about what is going on in our home so she can call my boyfriend and complain about it. I have never come across a human being who is so angry, argumentative, and controlling (especially when the way she is raising him is nothing short of horrific and lazy).

I am so fed up with all of it but am not sure if I want to leave because then I feel my step son is left with no one who will pay even a little bit of attention to him and try to help him get through life in a remotely happy and healthy way. I also don't want to stay though because I feel helpless to change the situation and staying would only force me to stay and watch him degenerate into a sad, helpless, and obese man. I know I don't know any of you out there but I am just so desperate for help. Is there any way I can change this situation for the better or is this just the way this poor boy is destined to be raised? Thank you for any advice you might offer me.