problems with step daughter
Im in need of some advice...My 9 year old step daughters behaviour towards me and my own
daughter is worse everytime she visits. When she doesnt get what she wants she has major tantrums where she yells and screams excessively. I caught her snatching toys out of my 3 year olds and 9 month old babys hands and I explained to her that that was not a nice thing to do and that we need to play nice, no more than 5 minutes later she did the same thing but this time snatched the toy so hard that my 3 year old fell over. I asked her to go to her room and Id be in to speak with her about her unacceptable behaviour I went in she started throwing things at me swearing at me for about 20 mins I got her to sit in the living room in do a time out but she just got worse and worse. She finally calmed down after 45 minutes. I have never even seen a small child act out even close to this let alone a 9 yr old.!!! I help my husband since he works so much by watching her for him along with my own daughter who is almost 3. My step daughter constantly teases my daughter and has began stealing her toys and clothing and taking it back to her mothers house also she has started breaking my daughters toys I caught her doing it while I went into her room to check on her when she was confronted and I asked her why she was doing it and she saw me with her own eyes see her do it she lied to me and said she didnt do anything and then told her dad she didnt do anything and that I dont like her. Ive been her step mom for about 2 years now I have always spent time with her and given her a lot of my attention and love I have taken her out shopping with me having sleep overs in the living room making cookies with her and everything I can to try to improve our relationship but it seems like I cant do anything to help this relationship...Its been like this with her since I came into my husbands life but it's just getting worse and worse.Does anyone have any advice for me please? I'm afraid that my own daughter is going to learn this bad behaviour. Thanks
I have to wonder what is
I have to wonder what is going on at BMs house. Your dh should get his daughter professional help.
It seems as though my step
It seems as though my step daughter acts poorly at her mothers home also...I try to talk with my husband about it but he always says that she isnt at our home enough for us to be able to correct her bad behaviour ( she is with us every second weekend starting fridays and 1 week day) Im so tired of having to listen to the tantrums and have her insult me and act out and tease my daughter. I wish I knew what to do to fix this...its really stresing me out! I dont feel like her parents are trying to put a stop to her bad behaviour...The things she has taken from my daughter have still not been replaced I dont think that is fair. Or am I expeting to much?
Like you said " I dont feel
Like you said " I dont feel like her parents are trying to put a stop to her bad behaviour...", that is a huge problem right there.
Might be in your children's best interest as well as in your best interest to disengage from your SD. DH is going to have to figure another way of taking care of his daughter and not be leaving it up to you. This is your time to raise your kids and enjoy the precious time with your young children. If your DH feels guilty to discipline his daughter, then he needs to find a way to be home more perhaps.
It sounds like she is having
It sounds like she is having adjustment issues. How long has it been since her parents split? Is bm remarried or in a relationship? She's only 9, and has possibly (you don't say, but it's important...) has experienced the loss of a parent in the home through divorce, has gained a stepsister that gets her dad full time, a half sister who also gets her dad full time...this is a lot to deal with. This is cheaper than therapy, if someone wants to put in the work...http://sfhelp.org
You are doing a lot w/ and for your sd, but where is her dad? What does he do with her?
They have been divorced for 5
They have been divorced for 5 years. Things keep getting worse with her behaviour evey time she is here. She is also trying to cause problems between me and her father, she has recently started telling me many lies to me about him...Im getting very tired of her acting bad everytime she is here it puts her father in a bad mood and its almost like she wants to wreck everyones day. I dont know what else to do then just pull away from her and to stop trying to input any of my opinions of how we can help her or fix this whole situation. Is that wrong? I want to just be out and not have to be around the bad behaviour and drama... I find the days she here visiting very stressful on me. Do you have any suggestions for me?
About 6 months ago I distanced myself by going out of he house with my daughter and doing errands and stuff so that I didnt have to be around her behaviour and my husband wasnt happy about that and somehow got offended. What do I do?? I feel like I cant win!
The gap in the children's
The gap in the children's ages makes it very difficult for you to manage an unruly 9 year old. For that reason alone, I would stop being her babysitter. You deserve the same respect that she would show to a teacher or other adult in charge of her. If you don't get that, she should be out.
It is extremely difficult.
It is extremely difficult. Since Iam a stay at home mom with my 2 children the days that we have her and he works Im kinda stuck looking after her also ya know...It makes my day 10x's harder!
well, it does not surprise
well, it does not surprise me. My SD behaves similar to yours. She has temper tamtrums, cries with no reason at all, she does not answer to me or her dad, does not make eye contact, etc.
Our vacations were a hell, with this 8 year old girl, crying all day for nothin (because the weather was rainy, because she did not like her sandwich or the cookies, anything was a reason for her to cry)
We talked to her, explained how unpleasant her behaviour was, that we needed to spend our holidays enjoying our time together. It took us a talk about 2 hours to explain why her behaviour was not accepted. Then her dad took her to the mountain and talk again to her. We also set up a prize system: if her behaviour was good all they she will get a prize.
This really worked.
Now vacactions are gone, I had the worst time of my life there, but she is now almost ok.
Hope this helps you, also Ï have to mention she in under psychological treatment.
all the best
On the weekend we have her
On the weekend we have her here my husband sometimes has to go to work or he always has to go and do errands and because Im already at the house she gets left with me even though she doesnt listen to me and back talks me. He just says before he leaves please listen and be good ok. She never does this has been happening for almost 2 years now.This is the visitaion between him and his ex so the dates cant be changed if he gets called into work. Her tantrums happen all the time there has not been one time she comes over that she doesnt have a major tantrum. Its very tiring and stressful for me. I dont want to have the responsibility of watching her because she doesnt listen at all to anything I say and If she cant listen to me then I dont think it's fair for me to have to watch her. Especially when she has super bad tantrums and yells at me and says really mean things. I dont know what to do...Ive been nothing but nice to her I continue to help her get ready for school, take her out one on one with me, make cookies and rent movies to watch with her that she likes and do crafts and tell her how much I love her all the time, but I cant win she isnt nice to me or my daughter and she keeps getting more mean. Any suggestions?