SD and BM issues...need advice
My SO and I have been together for a little more than 3 years. I have one BS (4) and SD (11), SS (14). Everyone lives in my home. We have week on week on with SK.
In the beginning my SO and SK BM did not get along all that great. They argued, cussed, so and so forth presence of children or not. I however do not behave in this way regarding my BS. My ex and I are very effective with co-parenting. I have since worked with SO and SK BM and they had gotten much better.
Of recent SD has begun to have several issues. School is the last thing she intends to do, she has horrible grades. We have tried to punish in various forms. NOTHING gets her attention. She is the only thing my SO and I argue over. He protects her, her BM protects her and I cant figure out to what they are protecting her from...life? Nothing anyone does and/or says is right when it comes to her. Myself, my BS and SS all walk on eggshells for the princess.
The teachers recommended a more set schedule as she is ADD and said to try one home or the other for a three week period. They allowed her to choose to which home that would be. She opted for her BM's home and has been for 2 weeks. In that 2 weeks my house has been pleasent and enjoyable, normal funstioning family time.
SK BM has become crazy again. This past week my SO and I had to leave a baseball game for my SS for 20 minutes to meet a realtor for a pre scheduled appointment. She lost her mind on my SO and they had a big war. She said he needed to get SD for the weekend. We arranged to pick her up, her BM allowed her to stay at Uncles and SD said we can pick her up on Saturday as we were headed out for family fun activities. My SO was so upset. I said to him if she missed you/us she would come no matter the activity. She is jumping from house to house for the next fun thing to occur. SD BM called him a piece of crap father for that. She went blasting him and me on social media and to my SO family. She has created a WAR amongst all of us. All the while SD never showed, my SS knew where we were going when we left the game. We are good now. HELP!
Maybe dealing with a kid with
Maybe dealing with a kid with issues full time now is driving her bonkers. Will you be keeping her for 3 weeks next?
She is looking to be
She is looking to be entertained all the time...Sounds familiar. Unfortunately, we tried to tell BM that and she said she was just hard to parent. We no longer have any role in her life, because we tried to parent. You will battle this for years and ultimately as we have seen again and again, your SD will choose the path of least resistance....
All you can do is stay away from BM and expect DH to communicate with her. Defriend her and anyone she knows. Not worth that battle, you have bigger ones coming with your SD. Ours turned on us at 14 and the last 5 years were hell. Now with her out of our lives, things are great and my SS is thriving. Long story, but my advice is you can only do so much if BM fights you like this and ultimately you may need to make a choice to sacrifice one for the other. We did and we waffled on that decision for years, ultimately my SD made it easier on all of us and decided that she didn't want a dad that made her accountable for things like grades and behavior.
We typically have a week on
We typically have a week on week off schedule. We will resume that presuming no changes of better are seen in her grades. The BM took off when SK were 3 and 6 and showed back up about 4 years ago. My SS has his trust issues with her and keeps his distance. My SD doesnt remember anything so she and her BM picked right up where they left off. I can disengage from BM however she will not attempt to run my house and rules without a fight. My SD creates chaos in our schedule functioning home. My BC and SS both play sports and in order to maintain a "home" we thrive on schedules and knowing weekly expectations. When she enters the threshold everyone including me runs for their life! I understand the concept of "not my kid not my problem" however thats my home and the home of my son and SS. It is my responsibility to provide them with the atmosphere in which they thrive. How can I talk to DH without seeming redundant or ugly toward his BD. I do not hate her, don mind having her around, I just want her to be apart of us not be the thing that tears us all apart.