She told her dad she wishes I had never adopted her
So last weekend she lied to me and her dad so her dad spanked her. Of course, I am somehow the bad guy. She told him that she wishes I had never adopted her. She didn't want a new mom. Her real mom signed over her rights in 2007. We waited 6 months to go through with the adoption. She said it was what she wanted and immediatly started calling me mom. I thought we were ready, but we both resent the hell out of each other and are miserable. Her dad and I explained to her that no matter what we did that her real mom didn't want to be in her life anymore. I guess she wonders if I pushed her real mom out of the way when I got with her dad. That is not what happened. It was so much better when I shared the role of mom. I wanted to be a stepmom to her. That's it. I think she just doesn't want to believe that she would just let her go so she is going to find someone else to blame. Me. She doesn't say these things, but her lying, disrespect and bad attitude towards me says it all. I am going to a certified pro counselor tomorrow. Hopefully she can help. I plan to set up an appt for my AD soon, too. She has been to 2 but didn't want to continue. I don't know if it is a good idea to go to the same lady or not??? I am sooooooooo miserable. I wish she would just go away. I feel horrible. She is never going to go away. She is mine now. I signed up for this and now I am freaking out and very unhappy. I am failing miserably at being the supermom and hero that she needs. Any advice??? PLEASE!!!!!
Kids say things they don’t
Kids say things they don’t mean, or even understand. They just know they want a reaction, and will manipulate adults to try and get what they want. She may be saying these things because of something that is deeply disturbing her, or she may just be saying it for attention and sympathy, maybe even a new toy from her dad. It is sad that her mom has rejected her, but it seems like you done every thing you could, even stepping outside of your comfort zone and adopting her when you didn’t feel comfortable to try and make her happy. Her real mother has abandoned her and this is going to make her angry. Until she’s older and can fully understand what has happened, and what you did for her it seems convenient for her to direct this anger towards you. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Now I have up such a wall.
Now I have up such a wall. I feel like it is impossible to go from what I feel now to loving her like a mom should love her child. We got along great for the 1st couple years. Then in 2007 her mom signed over her rights and never called again. We were shocked and angry. This was so hard on all of us not just AD. We already had custody of her but I looked forward to my weekends alone with my H. I was not ready for the resposibility of being her only mom. The other thing that happened that summer was I had my 1st child. I feel like everyone just wants to blame it on that and compare my relationship with her to my relationship with him. I hate it. She is 11 (next week). He is 25 months. Girl. Boy. And I raised him from birth and I became her mom when she was 7. Major differences. We had a counselor tell us last year "we are not going to make it." That freaked me out. It has only gotten worse.