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Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Lustrelux's picture

Submitted by Lustrelux on Sun, 10/27/2024 - 2:43pm

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

 

(RANT)

 

SM here, I have a bio child 4 and a SD 14. My partner is constantly agreeing to SD. What I mean exactly is he agrees to whatever she wants (store run, having company, hanging out with friends, money) says yes then tells me. I'm sick of it. I've communicated so many times I want to be included in decisions that involve the house mainly company coming over or if they will be late home. Another issue is Bio Mom hasn't been in SD life for several months. She comes when she wants and then claims she can't handle her daughter due to the disconnect. That makes my partner think he has to do every single thing alone (picking and dropping to and from school, telling her yes to everything, being very lenient). I try my hardest to connect with SD but she rather be on her phone or not open up. So at this point I just let it be. But this time I'm sick of this. I feel like a stranger or roommate in my own home. When I communicate these issues with my partner he claims that they aren't as serious and I'm being dramatic. Ugh...!

(Rant over)

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 10/27/2024 - 7:14pm

Get a copy of your SO's CO, read it, learn it, live it, love it.  Roll it up and smack SO with it when he fails to comply and enforce the terms of the CO.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Though as I have been repeatedly told by the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession morons that tend to sit on the family law bench, SParents are not a party to the case of CO, the CO is our best tool for managing the shit show that tends to be what we have to deal with as SParents.

The CO applies to our SOs as much as it does the toxic X in the opposition.  

It is insane how many BioParens who are subject to a Custody/Visitation/Support court order appear to have never read their own CO.  Obviously even fewer SPs have read their SO's CO.

My DW and I as equity life partners together became experts at her Custody/VIsitation/Support CO and as we addressed the toxicity and manipulation by the blended family opposition we also discovered and learned the County/Jurisdictional supplemental rules and the associated State regulations.  Knowledge is power.    We both had electronic copies of the CO, Rules, and Regs on our work hard drives. If a call with our lawyer or from the blended family opposition occurred she would conference me in to the call, we both would open the CO, etc... and have it on our large office screens and would use it to disect the oppositions toxic crap.  Oddly, there was never any indication that they or their bargain basement lawyer of the moment had ever even read to the CO.

People far too often try to wing these things through fee fees, naive focus on what the kid wants, not pissing off the X, etc...  Kids are kids and adults made decisions for minor children.  The CO defines CP/NCP status, and is the "law" regarding the NCP/CP and Kids. So, use it.  If the opposition is particularly manipulative add a rolled up copy of the Supplemental rules and State regs and beat them as necessary.

If they are reasonable, work with them reasonably.

KISS.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 10/30/2024 - 9:51am

Doing nothing. Your letting DH control the story.  Put your foot down .  Remind DH he has one failure in marrage. He coming close to a  second fail marrage..  BM has to be put in her place,  she gets CS and no more .  DH must spend time and care of his bio 4 yo. Not all his time running after SD.  You have the say on who is in your home in the company of your 4 yo.

your DH needs mental help. He needs to take with someone to end this crazyness with DD.