Good grief, you need to tell DH exactly how you feel and why. You have along way to go until she's of age and it's only going to get worse if you don't address and he makes a commitment to change.

I can relate. After I married DH a few years ago, I could not accept that fact that SD lived with us. If we'd pull up in the drive-way, and saw her car, my stomach would drop. If she and DH talked when I wasn't in the room, I was repulsed by the sound of her voice. I wanted her out . . plain and simple.

At this point, things are better because I've disengaged and she'll be geting married next year. She still lives with us and is gone more often . finally living her own life. I'm jealous of those whose steps have already moved out . . by the time she moves out next year, she'll be almost 29 . . that's right 29.

I also told DH that I felt his allegiance was more toward SD than to me and if he didn't make changes, I was moving out. He has since improved and is on his best behavior . . but tonight he had a set back. As we pulled into the drive-way, he said "oh SD's not home from work yet." Instead of him being happy that we'd have the house to ourselves, he's wondering where his adult daughter is. Even when they're adults, DH's still have a hard time letting them go.

Good luck.

I also am a nurse and feel horrible about the way I feel! I have only been married for 4 months and am contemplating divorce bc of my sd10. At first things were great and I was excited to be a stepmother. I don't have children of my own and am 38. However, her birthday was in December and I went all out. Same goes for christmas. SD10 went to her moms for 2 weeks and when she came back things were different. I don't know what the bitch told her but it was different. She also wrote a letter for school about her vacation and on christmas day she wrote all about waking up here with her Dad and then going to her mom's but I was no where in it! I was really hurt! Especially since I paid for every penny of it! Since that day I have been building up so much resentment towards her and my husband! I can't stand to look at her or talk to her! She really is a sweet kid but makes me sick!! I work nights and just woke up about 2 hours ago. I text my husband and asked what they were doing (I wasn't in the mood to tt her) and he said watching a movie. Well you would think that he would have come in here. But NOOOOOOO he stayed in there with the brat!! I let him know I was annoyed by this and finally after almost 20 mins he did come in. He told me that I didn't have to act this way and that why didn't I come in there! Well, hmmmmm lets see,,,,,probably bc the little brat was laid all over you like your girlfriend! It just makes me sick!!! I do realize that she is his child but just want to vomit when I see this! She is an only child and gets treated like an adult. I also have resentment over the fact that I have to watch the brat while my husband is at work. BM is a recovering (so she says) drug addict/mental pt so my husband has full custody. Since I came into the picture however, she has been going to her mom's at least half of the time. I understand that I married him knowing he has a child but never expected to feel this way! I truly want to have a good relationship with her but for the past 3 months have been struggling!!! I just don't know what to do!!

I just don't understand that! He had better get control of those feelings!! When I was leaving for work yesterday he rubbed her head! Completely innocent--she was standing in front of him and he brushed her hair back from her face....Made me want to vomit!!
AND, I had woken up and talked myself into being in a more positive light in reference to her....Well, needless to say I called him up when I left and told him how sick it made me and he said that he understood and he wouldn't do it again in front of me. Maybe he is trying to get it! I actually told him about this site and advised him to read some of the blogs so he can see that I am not the only woman in the world that feels this way, and it is completely normal. Since then, he seems to want to try and get it. Maybe something like letting your husband know you are not out of the norm, and the feelings you have are normal, and he needs to try and understand. MAYBE this would help???? Every man is different but I am truly hoping this will help my husband.

Hi Evileststepmom from 2nd evileststepmom! I was so pleased to read the title of your post, as the sight of my SD makes me sick also. She is 14, and only comes to our house for the weekend every 2 weeks, but only has to walk in the door and I want to puke on my shoes. I have trouble reconciling my very strong negative feelings with the fact that I like to think of myself as a good person who was a relationship counsellor for 8 years.
I am in my 2nd marriage - it is very happy - like you we only ever argue about my SDs or the vile, vile BM. So basically we have about one argument every 2 weeks.

One thing you can try that I would never have advocated to anyone when I was a counsellor, but I think the situation calls for desperate measures. Just be totally horrible to your DH for a while until he sees sense. Don't just be sweetly reasonable and conciliatory. Show him your teeth! Grrrrr! Good luck. Kes x

Yep-arguments every 2 wks-aroudn the time shes' about to come around or is here-typical. YEP, I cringe when I see her now also.

My arguments are every week!! Yep, be thankful you only have to look at her face every other weekend! We have my SD10 every other week! She is here now but going back to the crack head BM Weds!! I can't wait!! My DH and I will not argue until probably on Monday which is when I start dreading her coming back!!

What a relief! My BF's 6 year old daughter drives me insane too. I feel EXACTLY the same way all of you do and almost every thing each of you said is like a page out of the book of our lives with his "princess".

The whole, what I call, LOVE FEST, really creeps me out, makes me want to puke and gag...you know when she looks at him as if he's her boyfriend and hangs all over him like a love sick puppy and he returns that affection...

Or when he treats her like she's 2 when she's 6 and carries her around for hours like a baby and she calls him Dada....

Or when our boys ALWAYS get the blame for everything while she stands there hands on hips behind "Dada" (puke) and says, "Yeah" real snotty.

Oh and the tension? Don't even get me started! My BF and I too are more than fine, have a wonderful relationship when this girl isn't around but as soon as she gets here it's like my BF flips a light switch and I don't exist anymore.

Just last night my BF says he wants to start making the kids pick up after themselves more (right now none of them do & my house is destroyed every time they are here). I can almost guarantee you what's going to happen. BF will be on the boys to clean up constantly and princess won't have to lift a finger. She'll literally bat her eyelashes and look at him and he'll do it for her! Yuck. I will lose it if that happens!

Get this one: Just the other day this girl comes out whining and tattling saying my son blamed her for FARTING and she didn't. Are you kidding me? She was literally crying over it. It's not like the girl is squeamish about this either - she farts alot and laughs about it and rarely excuses herself - even does it at the dinner table! She expected me to go to my son and tell him to stop accusing her of farting! I refused to do it and told her to talk in a normal voice and find something else to do. Just then DADA (puke again) walked in and she went hysterical over it to him. Of course he picked her up and held her like a baby and then rushed her out of the room to coddle her, but stopped by to tell the boys to stop teasing her. Really?

WEll, enough said...I get it and I'm really relieved that I'm not an evil cow and the only one that feels this way. Don't get me wrong, I really do like this girl most of the time and I think if the adults in her life didn't coddle, favor and baby her she'd be a good kid so I don't blame her as much but it's hard!!!

I'm thinking we need to start an EVIL COW GROUP!! lol I'm pretty sure we would have the best bitchy club around! LOL
I have to keep the little brat this afternoon and it's all that I can do as I am sitting here in bed not to tell my husband that I am NOT going to keep her this afternoon and that he is going to have to find someone that will. She is going to her crack whore mama's house tomorrow and I can't wait!!!!!

LOL - bitchy cow step mom support group - LMAO! I know that feeling...you know you have to watch the evil step monsters and you are dreading it and looking for a way out of it...can't tell you how many times we are all here at the house and I make up an excuse to just go somewhere, anywhere and get away from them. I call it my bitchy cow adult time out. At least my BF does the same and takes a 'time out' sometimes and he agrees that his kids are very demanding and require alot of work time and attention. He doesn't seem to see it as a problem though.

Oh Yes, Indeed!
I would be definitely joining the evil cow group proposed by can'tseemtogetit. I also identified with the comment from lucybee about getting out and going places. In advance of the weekends we get "THE GIRLS" I cast around for activities that will take me out of the house. I have arranged to be out all day the next Saturday they are here.
When I first moved in with DH, we used to go on "family" (huh) outings - the four of us, but SD14 would sabotage them every time. Eventually after a year or so of this, I gradually withdrew from all such outings and very rarely go anywhere with DH and SDs now. Frankly I would rather pull my toenails out with pliers.
The last time I went out for lunch with DH and SD14 (who was 12 going on 13 then) she spent the time telling us about how BM was spending £500 on her birthday present and that one of her friends was giving her a pregnancy test as a gift. DH and I totally ignored this ploy for attention - but I have no doubt the girl is sexually active and will probably be pregnant at some point in her teens.
I can now hardly bear to sit at the dinner table with her - I often end up not eating en famille under some pretext or other. I cannot bear the way she shows off at the table and generally behaves badly. I tend to withdraw further and further into my shell and speak virtually never. My DH hates me saying that I would not have allowed my own BDs (now in their 20's) to behave like that - for I brought mine up relatively strictly and my ex too - one thing he did do right. Hey ho. Funny to think that before I moved in with DH I thought it was all going to be a cakewalk as I had already successfully brought up 2 girls. How wrong can you be?

Hi there,
Don't feel guilty because jeleousy is such a normal feeling, and in your case it is even worse because of your boys being treated this way. I feel really sorry for them as they didn't do anything wrong, and deserve the best treatment. I think you should tell your OH how you feel and if he doesn't change then consider even the most drastic moves. It is not worth for you and your little boys to suffer because of this relationship, but of course give him a chance. Boys need a father figure and it is a shame he ignores them like this. Hope they will be fine. Give them a big hug from me

I'm not alone!!! Oh my ...I feel soo much better after reading this strand of posts!! I too have a similar problem with my SD8 and SS9. I have 2 BD's (9 and 3) but when SKIDS are over, I just want to run and hide!! the SD8 hangs all over her dad, much like others have mentioned here, I don't understand it, and I find it incredibly unappropriate. Even my SS9 does it!! That is even worse!! My DH is a little more aware of it, because of the faces I make when he does it, and he pushes him off or whatever, but he needs to sit down and talk to him about what is right and wrong! It is embarassing behavior, and makes me sick!! God forbid we try to watch a movie as a family (I have given up on this) because they would each insist on sitting by him (him in the middle) and I would end up on the loveseat by myself!! Um, no!! And the way he coddles these children is ridiculous. The SD8 doesn't do anything for herself, and lies about everything!! When I bring it up to him that she is misbehaving or whatever, he laughs and says "but she is my babydoll". He laughs it off, which of course only pisses me off more!! WHat is with that? Why do they think their children are perfect and put them on a pedestal? I love my BD's with all my heart, but I recognize they are not perfect! I think i am going to follow advice given here, and start disengaging as much as possible with SKIDS are there (hard some times though, because i have full custody of my BD's, and obviously can't ignore them just becuase SKIDS are there). But when my kids aren't there, I am going to let them do what they want with their dad, and find my own stuff to do. Ironically, just like with everyone else, my DH and I have an amazing relationship, except when I snap and call him out on his behavior with the kids, then he gets defensive and mad. UGH!! can't win!

I know how you feel.
I have 3 kids and he has 2 and not to that extream but its close.
they lie so they cant get into trouble and blame on mine.
which when they arnt there he does homework with mine, boyscouts, sports, guns.
but when they come it changes. THey never clean they're room like i expect it to look. hide clothes omg.

Its really hard being a step parent i couldnt imagine having a kid together with already what we have