So sad and mad and everything I need so good advise
So here's my problem any feedback would be nice!! So I have 1 child from a previous marriage my husband has 3 and together we have 2. My child from previous marriage comes home today and shows his stepdad his report card which he is failing 3 classes. We have Ben on him these past 6 weeks cuz this had been a problem! Well tomorrow we have a planned outing to a big water park. I told husband My youngestwhichi is 2 and I wasn't gonna go because I'm staying with him at home. He blew up and got mad, he doesn't understand why I should pay for his bad grades. But I don't see it ok to go and leave him behind :/ he says if I want to leave him I should but only him. I still haven't gotten a response from his bio-dad as to what he wants to do in this situation :/ I just feel horrible since I'm suppose to be on his little butt everyday helping him pass! And here he is not passing 
So should I go and leave him ebbing or should I stay behind.
Orrrr should I just allow him
Orrrr should I just allow him to go with us this time.
Cat, "he says if I want to
Cat,
"he says if I want to leave him I should but only him." I don't think that StepDad/SO is pushing the punishment.
It's a family activity,
It's a family activity, family time together. I would take him even if he has bad grades, take away electronics, don't let him go to a movie with friends, make him clean the toilets ect.
But if it was me, i wouldn't take away family time...
Good luck!
As for bios vs steps and feeling like your parenting alone, been there. But my ex shocked me! When DS was having issues I would put him in the car and Bluetooth my ex, so it was on speaker and ExH could hear him too, till one day ex said.
"You and DH need to figure his punishment out, your DH is the Dad when he is with you! So figure our a punishment and let me know, I'll do the same here"
I was shocked but we ran it that way and it works great for us.
I would take him for the
I would take him for the family time, too. Why was the report card a surprise to you? I would tell him your freedom has just been lost and you're on intensive supervision now. You're on my chain-gang, kid. Supervise his homework and check his grades on the portal every day and for sure contact the 3 teachers and learn what their input is.
Then get him on an intensive system of chores and homework vs any free time. He has to earn the good stuff by doing the homework. He loses more free time with each missed assignment/poor grade. The good part of this for you is that you now get all the extra vacuuming you ever wanted done cuz Little Mr. Slackoff is gonna have to be kept busy until he proves he can be trusted to handle his own time.
That's why you talk to the
That's why you talk to the teachers. Get the scoop on behavior in class. Get their professional opinion on whether we should be looking at assessments.
She doesn't say how old she is, does she? I thought it was 12 but then couldn't find it again. If it's 12, I doubt there's a real disability if this is the first time he's had grades like this.
How old is the kid? If he is
How old is the kid? If he is 12+ he can sit his ass at home while you and the rest of the family go and enjoy the water park. Writing a few thousand sentences associated with doing his school work and turning it in on time or some other appropriate message associated with his school performance while the rest of the family is at the waterpark having fun.
I agree with your DH ... if the kid is old enough to be left home alone leave him home alone. If the kid isn't old enough to be left home alone ... dump him with the X or with some grand parents or better yet, bring him and he can sit the whole time watching the seats, bags, and towels writing a few thousand sentenses while everyone else has fun.
It is pretty clear that your DH is not driving the punishment "he says if I want to leave him I should but only him." and I can completely understand how your DH would want his wife and the kids on this fun event.
One of the challenges of disciplining kids is that often the consequence for the kid's behavior turns out to punish the parent(s) and other family members just as much. It took us some time but eventually we arrived at the point where we did not allow punishment of the kid to impact us or any other extended family members more than necessary. Until he was old enough to be home alone the kid came with us and then spent his time writing sentences where and when appropriate while we enjoyed whatever activity was going on. If it was not appropriate for the kid to be writing sentences he participated and went immediately to writing sentences when we got home. When he was old enough to be home alone (12ish+) he stayed home and wrote sentences while we went and had fun.
I am a firm believer in application of consequences and avoiding rewarding a kid for failure to deliver on expected behavior and performance levels. But, I am also not one to punish anyone else for the kid's actions. So, take the kid to the water park, slather him in sun screen, leave him with the lounge chairs, bags, and towels, and have him write a couple of thousand sentences while the rest of the family has fun. This is a great teaching moment that if he is going to play when he is supposed to be working then he can work when he is supposed to be playing.
All assuming that there is not some developmental issue driving the poor school performance of course.
The reason I said take him is
The reason I said take him is that it sounded like the kid was not really getting clear guidance and messages to begin with and because him staying home seemed to involve (step)Dad being stuck with handling all the kiddies at the park and losing out on a fun day with his wife and his baby.