So before hand I truly apologize for the length and all over placeness. Thank you ahead of time I'm so happy I found this and other parents having issues as all of our friends are mutual friends so it's hard to vent and get advice from them. So here goes I'm kind of at a loss. I am with a great man for 2 years and we plan on getting married. I have 3 kids daughter is 20 son 17 and son 14. Up until last month we only had his 13 daughter and my 17 yr old son at home. Well my Finace and son would get into fights causing us to get into arguments because he would say my son was lazy, always took food to his room which I wouldn't allow, never did his part of the chores (untrue) and so forth. Finally my 17 year old had enough went to his gfs and refuses to come home. It's been a month. So fast forward now with him gone his 13 year old does allllll the things that my fiancé got mad at my son for. Disrespects my rules. Lazyyyyyyyy is actually too kind. Doesn't take garbage out of room hardly leaves her room. Won't put her dishes in the dishwasher. Will leave 2 squares of toilet paper so she doesn't have to replace it, a drop of milk in the container so she doesn't have to replace it. You get the point it goes on on and on. Well the 2 kids had chores and I mean they were minor. Each did half the dishwasher and one did garbage one did recycling. Keep in mind my fiancé and I both work full time as well. Well now that my son is gone I asked my fiancé to tell his daughter that she can now do the full dishwasher. And he lost it. Why does she have to do so much so on and so on. I was in shock. She's 13 and can't unload a full dishwasher and deal with recycling but had the nerve to ask you for dirt bikes  

so now it has gotten to the point where I won't even deal with her. To be honest I haven't even talked to her in a week because she watched the issues that happened with my son and my devestation and heartbreak and what it did to all of us, yet now she's doing it and getting away with it because all my fiancé  does is "talk to her". There's no consequences for the laziness, there's no backing me up. I myself pay half the mortgage, internet and cable bill, all the groceries and my car. Plusss I make dinner every night, I vacuum, mop, load the dishwasher and any other household chores and take care of our family dog walk feed take out. Everything And I work full time! He does nothing around the house unless it's outside in the garage or yard. Pays half the mortgage and his car he does own his own business and works a lot but he also makes a lot more than I do and don't know how to bring this up because I know he has some legal costs from his ex. 

so I don't think asking for some help is a bad thing yet I look like the bad person when I tell her to do something. I am accused to having an issue with her now that my son is gone and she just sits back in her room glued to video games. Honestly I don't know that I'm doing the right thing. I don't know if at this moment I even like my step child which is such a horrible thing to say but I just don't know what to do anymore. Her dad clearly thinks she's an angel and does nothing wrong and I'm the bad person for sounding like an evil step mom but if I just leave recycling or her room it drives me insane because I can't stand a messy home. 

I also don't feel like I can live this way but truly he is an amazing man to me personally just when it comes to our kids mine or his that's where our issues come from. He treats my 20 year old daughter who's in university like gold  she does no wrong and the same with my 14 year old son  just seems to be an issue with my 17 year old and his 13 year old is perfect  

Any advice I would be grateful for!!!