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Step children and corona virus

R0ckstar003's picture

I have three step daughters (8, 10 and 14). They stay with us every other weekend. I have a son who turned one last weekend.

with corona virus putting us all on lockdown, it has added extra pressure to our blended family.

I chose to self isolate a few weeks before the UK government advised us too. I was due to start agency work again after maternity leave but I cancelled it as I’m a key worker and there isn’t adequate PPE. I felt it would put myself at risk and I’d have to isolate away from my one year old which I didn’t want.

my step children are not fully isolating. They came to us two weeks ago and the ex wife informed my boyfriend they had been isolating. He trusted that and we all spent the weekend together (my son and I had isolated for two weeks already). Over the course of the weekend the step children said they had been going out daily to exercise but had encountered situations where they couldn’t safely distance. The teenager had even been going to the supermarket with her mum, which to me was completely unnecessary.

my boyfriend spoke to his ex wife and said I had concerns because of our one year old and I wanted him isolated, so he asked if they could exercise at home and use the garden instead of going out as it increased risk of them possibly getting the infection. She refused.

the ex wife is also a teacher and has been working a few days last week, looking after key workers children. My colleagues in healthcare are isolating from their children whilst working on the front line, so I suggested we have the girls from the last weekend they was here two weeks ago but the ex wife refused this as she did not want to be alone at home. She also reiterated this to the girls so they felt uncomfortable staying with us.

We’re now in a situation where my boyfriend has the children this weekend and he is staying in our outbuilding with them. He will now need to isolate away from us until we know he isn’t displaying symptoms.

Am I being over cautious not integrating the girls with me and my son?

I think safety and minimising risk should come before anything in the current situation.

Any advice or feedback would be great, as I feel like this is just destroying our family as my boyfriend initially agreed with me but since separating he has said he would rather risk it and we all be together. Help? 

Stay safe all of you x

3Cyclone3's picture

I really feel for you. What a difficult situation. I'm in Australia and although pretty tough measures we've not had to experience the level you guys have.

i used to be a moderator on a similar type forum here that unfortunately shut down. Back then I had all the answers. Now nothing! I think you just have to go with your gut which is in protection mode, and DP will have to find a way around that for both of his "worlds".

thinking of you xx

Swim_Mom's picture

Sorry you are going through this and others are not taking this as seriously as you are. I hate people who are nonchalantly arrogant and dismissive of rules that impact other people. 

I think it is best for you and your child they not come over at all until this is over. If your boyfriend is around them and then back with you, it is all the same thing. Too bad the BM is such a C***.

Harry's picture

For 14 days the SK will be back again.  He's never coming out of the other building.  He made his choice, it was the SK not you and your family.  You know where you stand from now on 

R0ckstar003's picture

The agreement was the stepkids would come again in three weeks. He would need to isolate for two. So he will see us for a few days then they come back again.

I do kind of agree with you but I feel it must be tough as he wants to see his girls too. How can he please us all? 

Rags's picture

The stipulated isolation implemented for the greater good of everyone needs to be complied with.   Shuttling kids back and forth for visitation is not compliance.

While I do think that high risk people should isolate a herd immunity model might be a better way to deal with this than the unnessesary isolation of those who are not in a high risk category.

IMHO visitation should shift to a long distance model during the Corona virus with the CP caring for the Skids during while isolations orders are in place.

You are probably being over cautious.  Just as I would be if I had a 1yo at home and a couple of Skidrona virus incubators set to invade my isolation compliant home every few weeks.

I just watched a video on this that made a lot of sense.  Dr. Bob Rakowski has a video blog that I find to be very informative during the Covid-19 crisis.  

Skidrona virus spreading during visitation transfers that violate the isolation stipulations is a risk I would not take. Though in the interest of full disclosure, I tick 3 boxes for high risk.