it's a loooooong story... background would be... girls are the same age and same school and (obviously) same grade. We live in pretty small town. I began SD's dad summer before girls started 7th grade. Dad had primary custody of his three kids from previous marriage. Mom was only allowed supervised visits. Mom fled the state when he filed for divorce when children were very young but sent them back one by one... because she 'couldn't handle them'

As kids got older (SD is the youngest her brothers are now 17 and 19... she's 15) the younger two kids wanted relationship with mother. Court papers said supervised visits only, but they worked out an agreement of two younger kids would go stay with her 1st and 3rd weekend of the month and a month in the summer. Alternating holidays. The kids began to enjoy that... why? Mom let them do ANYTHING they wanted. ANYTHING.

By the time I showed up the daughter was sexually active and into drugs... yep... she was 12. Good stuff. Dad had nary a clue as he thought she was super innocent girl. My daughter warned me about some of the girl's friends and I did some mom poking around. (Took all of 5 mins) and let dad know things were waaaaaaaaaaay bad. That's always fun... start dating a guy and break the news his daughter is an effing mess. ANYWAY... as you can imagine, his daughter wasn't so keen on the fact that I shined a light on her sex, drugs and everything else. At all. She tried to suck up to me. But quickly realized I wouldn't fall for a single trick. She didn't get by with a thing with me and it made her mad. My daughter knows full and well I have a random nanny cam type thing on my computer. I told her. This was back when she started on Facebook etc. The agreement was that if she allowed me to see what was going on via spot checks etc then I would have no reason NOT to trust her. And probably wouldn't keep spot checking. Worked FINE with my kid.

Well, the then-to-be-step-daughter was CLUELESS and would sneak off to use my computer when visiting. And I'd show dad her chat comments about what an effing b--ch I was. And how she couldn't wait to score. And how she needed someone to please pick her up she was getting beat by her father. (She did that one when we had a house full of 20 kids for a party... imagine our surprise when a cop shows up. She was asleep on the floor by then with a bunch of other kids... 20 eyewitnesses said... no, no beating going on here. GOOD STUFF.) ANYWAY...

SD hates my daughter. Hates me. And truthfully after all the cr@p she's pulled the feeling is mutual. She cuts herself, screams and cries, does drugs, was EXPELLED for selling drugs in 8th grade, sexually active -- turning trick at the house at one pt, has filed false reports of abuse (DHR has cleared dad each time)... she bullied my daughter in 7th grade trying to egg her into hitting her. My daughter bawled but held her ground, and didn't hit her. She was whisked off by friends to the office where the incident of verbal bullying was reported. School tried to play it off as family drama. Now, I did not move in with my husband until we got married this past Fall. We got engaged only after some pretty intense PRE marriage counseling. We tried to mesh the kids together at first...

But then we backed off. His kids are simply too big of a mess. They wanted to move in with their mother that willingly abandoned them. Their mother that never paid child support. That never paid insurance. That doesn't have a CLUE how to parent.

They wanted to move over there so they could do whatever they wanted. She got so out of control that when she was expelled dad had no choice. He let her go live with mom, along with her brother... older brother was gone with military by then. Mom had moved to our town by then as well. (Unluckily)

When we got married we tried to have the weekends together with all 5 kids. (I have 3 kids 15, 12 and 9) It was tense. But I was trying to do it for my husband. My daughter was no longer allowed to have friends over when SD was over. All her friends parents point blank told me... we really like your husband, he's awesome... but his daughter? No. We cannot allow our kids around her.

Yeh. She's THAT bad.

So my daughter was not a happy girl. But she's a good kid and put on a smiley face for us. But she also started trying to avoid spending our weekends with us. I don't blame her, truthfully.

Last month SD declared, 3rd or 4th time now?, that she was gay and her mom wouldn't allow sleepovers anymore. Okay, you want the truth? I have gay friends. Quite a few. And I don't really give a DAMN about anyone's sexual orientation. I don't. You want to get off that way, go for it. Quit trying to shock me with the news. For the love of God my very best friend is gay. Get over yourself. But THIS girl is sooooo busy sleeping around with GUYS that I'm having a problem believing the "I'm gay" bit. Add in her brother has now decided he's transgender. He's gets off on Furry Porn (Dear God, don't Google if you don't know it... your retinas will BURN) and watching My Little Pony. He's a junior in High School. The SD actually YELLED at her dad once when he walked over to the TV and turned off My Little Pony. "You don't like him because he's GAY!" Actually, we don't like him because he's CREEPY but that's besides the fact.

So, last month SD declares she's studying witchcraft and is interested in being a Satanist (or whatever the right word is...) And then says she wants a dagger.

Something in me just SNAPPED. I told her she was never brining up Satanism (whatever) CR@P in my house again. EVER. I'm sick and tired of her drama. Why the heck does the girl that cuts herself (and was recently in a lock down psych ward for a week) need with a dagger. I literally couldn't sleep that night for fear she was going to hurt my younger kids. Literally.

I told husband next day no more combined weekend visits. Period. I was done with her psycho actions. He agreed 100%. Very supportive. We are wary of him being alone with her since she has filed false reports of abuse in past, so we decided she could only visit the both of us. We see the counselor that sees the girl. And she agreed with us as well. Said it was probably better.

Well, SD often decides at the last second she isn't going to visit on her appointed weekends. We made sure she understood new schedule. She did. Mom did as well. She decided not to visit last weekend. Her weekend. Okay, fine.

Mom sends my husband a text that we will be having SD and SS this coming weekend. We explained that we were always happy to work with her schedule, but this was too short of a notice and we were not able to change our plans. Mom responded that she didn't care what we thought we WOULD have kids. Period.

So husband very calmly set her straight. No. It's not their weekend. Period. We have plans. And the new custody papers only say he has visitation right every other weekend. She didn't visit last weekend and that was HER choice. So, sorry.

See, the thing is... we are getting our very first family puppy this weekend. And we wanted a nice calm start to our weekend. No drama. No screaming. And frankly I don't EVER want those psycho kids around my kids EVER again if possible.

So, the bullying part... SD sought out my daughter at school. She demanded to know what our plans were and why she couldn't be included. God bless my innocent trusting child... she told her: "I have a long church retreat, but we are going to get the puppy on Friday and visit with my grandparents." SD began cussing and screaming at my daughter about what an effing b--ch I was, how I ruined her life, how her daddy didn't love her, how I sucked, how she was effing coming over to her own effing house (remember she voluntarily moved in with mom and we spent a long time explaining this through therapy...she was giving up her room etc... she could VISIT but there was no way each kid got their own room and I wasn't forcing my daughter to share a room with emo suicide demon druggie girl) And blah blah blah. One of my daughter's friends turned around and calmly told SD to shut the hell up and maybe grow up some as well... and took my then sobbing daughter away.

Dad called SD and confronted her about episode. She acted like it was nothing. A sane discussion with her 'sister' in the hallway. He told her no way... which of course went to: you believe HER over your own daughter?!!! We let her know we'd be contacting the school. And she literally shocked into silence. She eventually asked: You'd do that to family?

Oh HELL no. If this was any other kid I would have already been AT the school.

This child NEVER sees consequences for behavior. Run away from home? We spent hours looking for her... made it clear on Facebook that whoever was hiding her would face the police. We got a phone call shortly after that. She demanded mommy come get her... and she did. And that was that. Nothing ever mentioned again. Expelled from school for drugs? Wait, it wasn't technically being expelled. See... we alerted school when we found messages on Facebook that led us to believe she was dealing. Dad turned out bags and begged her not to be stupid. She cried and screamed he always believed the worst about her when she was a good girl... she was met at the school by police and principal. Her locker was clean... why? She had moved into another locker with an underclassman.... dog hit on in right away. Poor pathetic boy WAS expelled. SD? Mom immediately withdrew her from school so she couldn't be expelled. No consequences for her actions. Nice, right?

So I called school about this bully incident. I explained VERY clearly that this was technically a family problem but that we had little to no contact with SD these days and that I wasn't going to tolerate my daughter being bullied like this. They agreed. They pulled my daughter for a statement. Then pulled the slutty SD for a statement. Let her know that family things should be resolved between family. If she had ANY further incidents with my daughter as school they would look at suspension or expulsion. No questions asked. They would not tolerate it.

The VP called me and told me SD was shaking bad when he called her in. And she knew exactly what it was about. Hey, improvement. Cops told us when she was busted for drugs last Feb she just shrugged her shoulders and said: So?

This kid has been in counseling for aged. Dad has tried so VERY hard. I'm done with her. I'd rather not see her. I really would prefer she get out of our life. BUT I know he loves her. And wants her to have a better life.

He DID tell her that until she saw fit to offer me a sincere apology that she was no longer welcome over to our home for visits.

I know eventually how this will go. By early April she'll call and ask what they are doing for the weekend. Acting like NOTHING happened. And he's a big softie... he'll be so stunned and happy she called he'll just make plans.

No. No. and NO.

I have asked/demanded they do some group counseling withOUT mother around. Just dad, SD and counselor. He agreed that they needed it. I want each month's schedule given to them in writing... emailed and printed. If they choose to not visit, they forfiet that visit unless they arrange differently. I will not allow her around my kids. Period. Not for the forseeable future.

Husband is fully supportive of this. Has stood by me. Protects me from her. (I truly fear she'll claim I abused her next and refuse to have her in the house without him to protect myself.) I was surprised to have my daughter inform me the VP told my daughter to always have a buddy with her on campus. He didn't want her alone at any point with SD. I gave him a BRIEF overview of SD. Very brief. He told my daughter he was slightly concerned SD may physically harm her.

I am so upset. I really am. I've tried to be calm about this. But I want to just smack that loser kid around. She has is so good. A dad that loves her and has stood by her through all the hell she's put him through. A dad that supported her all these years when mother did NOTHING and now she just says 'eff you!' and walks away?

Oh mom tried for child support. And SD came to dad saying: it's a fair offer you need to take it.

:jawdrop:

First, why is a 15 year old being consulted about child support amounts and secondly... oh HELL NO.

Mom owed over $80k in back child support and insurance that dad paid all those years. So dad lawyered up and the courts let her know she was nuts. She could get credit for each month she had kids but that was it. She'll never see a dime of support from him. Of course he takes them shopping and buys them gifts etc... but groceries and all that? Mom's gig now.

I really dislike these kids SOOOOO much. I wish it was just me, hubby and my kids. We do so well. Have fun etc. His kids just exhaust us. I used to have guilt I felt that way... I'm over it. They choose to act this way. I wish there were GONE.