This is my first post. I am here just to vent and express myself to someone other than myself. My blended family is a multi-tiered hodgepodge conglomerate of people, feelings, and emotions. Together, my wife and I have four kids. She has 10 and 15 year old boys, I have a 10-year-old son, and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. We, as well as every other blended family, have gone through our growing pains and kinks regarding acceptable behaviors, punishment, consequences, and rewards.

SS10 and SS15 year old hate each other. They constantly pick fights, insult, and try to get each other in trouble. My biological 10-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter are mostly left out of their sibling quarrels. When I see her kids being wicked to each other, it makes me angry and I often step in to parent them. SO thinks I am too harsh on her children and I over parent the SS15 in a mean manner.

SO extremely favors her 15-year-old son. She will take ‘his side’ most of the time on every issue, regardless of who is involved. It is most obvious when she is faced with the parenting the issues that arise between SS10 and SS15. Last night her sons were having an argument about SS15 eating SS10’s candy, which the SS10 bought with his own money, without first asking. SO stepped in to tell SS10 he was wrong and then she and SS15 began to mock SS10 about the situation through the night.

SS15 had an accident in his underwear and requested SS10 to get him underwear. SS10 started throwing pairs of clean underwear at SS15. This upset SS15 so he decided to put his poopy underwear in SS10’s bed. SS10 came down stairs in tears. SO told SS10 that it did not happen and to go to bed. It took SS10 throwing a tantrum to get her to deal with the situation. When SS15 came down stairs my wife started in with a soft tone “Now, would you like it if someone….” I lost my cool and blew up on SS15, which caused her to blow up on me and then storm off.  I viewed this issue, and other issues, as needing more direct consequences and parental oversite then she does.

My interactions with SS15 is causing stress on our marriage. She has become distant and unloving. I go out of my way to tell her when I do something favorable with her children to help lessen the tension. I do not think she realizes how hard it is to be a SD to HER children and takes me for granted. I feel like I am in a constant state of restraint and I just have to sit back and watch her kids be rude and disrespectful to each other and her. SO does not stand up to them for their behaviors but she will stand up to me.

There are two sides to every story and some truth laden in each side. SO’s story would represent me being a harsh overbearing tyrant to SS15. I feel like I am constantly apologizing when I upset her or SS15. She is currently considering if our home is the best environment for her children. I am beginning to consider if our home is the best environment for my children and me.