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stepson disregards my wishes

frustrated454's picture

I am new here and really just needed to vent and hopefully get some feedback. My stepson is 16 and i have a bio son who is 11.
since day one my stepson has been not the best at respecting
what the rules of our home where when he was here. there never seemed to be any punishment if he did anything wrong either.
over time we have though become very close and he often comes to me with problems first.
a few years ago he told me he was transgender (wants to become a woman) as his brain says that he is a woman in a mans body.
i was very supportive and loving and so is his father and his mother. he is getting therapy etc. we are all behind whatever makes him happy. i had asked or told him on several occassions not to tell my 11 year old son about any of this. i felt he was to young and at a tough age to understand. i wanted to wait until he was older and my stepson isnot going to transistion to woman for about two years. long story short i explained why and asked him please not to say anything. his father also expressed this to him.
during vacation (i came a day later) during the time i wasnot there my stepson took it upon himself to tell my son not only that he was transgender but that he is taking hormones to grow boobs and he is having surgery to get rid of his penis. i am sooooooo angry that i was not the one to tell my son when i felt he was ready. i am so pissed i can't even be around my ss. this is a secret from his grandparents and he had no problem respecting his mom and dads decision not to tell them yet, but he had to tell my child. i don't know how to stop hating him or being pissed.

frustrated454's picture

thank you for your response. you were very helpful. i know my ss is in alot of pain
i just feel we have all gone out of our way to let him know we want him to be happy.
i found the center for transgendered people that he goes to, and
have been there for him whenever he needed to talk
i understand he wants everyone to know. i did explain to him i am not ashamed of him or who he is, but i was just concerned for my bio son because of his age, and he has enough problems with his relationship with my ex. i thought i really tried to let him know it was not to disprespect him, but i have to do what i feel is best for my own child. i guess i feel very betrayed. he has done
things like this in the past (not involving being trans) but just in general has always kind of disregared my wishes.
i know i have to get over this i just don't know how to stop being
so angry at him right now. also i forgot my whole family knows and in fact my sister was a big help to him also.

frustrated454's picture

you are absolutely right. he has always been one with no boundries also. when i first got married i had to seperate my bio son from him as he was teaching him things that were not appropriate and also taking his anger out on my son. my husb did nothing about it so i made sure they were not together and if they were i watched them like a hawk. i guess i thought we were over that but you are right i have to step up and make sure he is in no position to do that again. thank you so much for all your help!!!