Three skids growing up - need advice
SO has 3 kids, SS14, OSD13, YSD10. All three are relatively well behaved. We have been getting accustomed to a new summer schedule that SO got in the midst of a custody modification that allows him summer MWF 3-8pm that started end of July, along with 2nd, 4th, and 5th weekends he normally has throughout the rest of the year.
We are already aware that we are the weekend parents, but it's been difficult trying to find things for them to do. They have a few chores when they are here, but it's not much and we don't want to just put them to work while they are here. They don't bring homework or anything to work on during the regular schedule and we couldn't even put them in camp this summer. I feel like if they were to stay for a few days at a time, there wouldn't be as much pressure to have activities planned. But since it's just 5 hours at a time right now, they just sit around and rot on their screens, especially SS. So far, he's given up screen time to run around at a playground with his cousin and at the pool.
We can't expect all three to want to do the same things, but we've tried movies, board games, video games, going to the park, visiting grandma/cousins... even divide and conquer where I take two while he does one on one with the third. I'm wondering if this is just kids becoming older/teenagers, or a consequence of being the NCP. We don't have the routine of them going to school and just coming home, so I think we feel pressure of making sure they aren't bored when they're here so they won't lose interest in us.
School starts in a few days and our schedule will go back to 2nd, 4th and 5th weekends with Wednesday evenings. The skids might have a few school events for parents to attend throughout the year, but with BM and her hostile demeanor, we probably won't have much interaction with the kids if we do attend. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? We don't want to be Disneyland parents, but we want to stay connected with the skids. Any examples of a balanced relationship with the skids?
You have an odd schedule
I can see how this timing would throw everyone off. How about pets? Our 5 kids had, over time, dogs, cats, pigeons, turtles, snakes, lizards, mice, ducks, horse - I cant remember it all. Anyway, the pigeons led to DH building a pigeon coop and the boys catching and releasing them. Later this morphed into trading them and going to pigeon shows (who knew). The cats led to the girls and I going to cat shows plus grooming a Persian, a time-consuming activity. The horse led to boarding it and trips there. You get the picture.
Actually, OSD just got a dog
Actually, OSD just got a dog with permission from both BM and SO because BM wanted to make sure OSD could bring the dog here, but the dog will go wherever OSD goes. YSD also helps with the new dog but don't want any true responsibility so she'll never get in trouble ("it's not my dog"). We live a more suburban life so any other animals besides standard pets probably wouldn't work. As for the lizards and turtles, they aren't interested and I'm not confident they would even remember to care for them. The girls do love giving treats to the neighbors cats, but SS and SO are allergic.
We may consider offering them a chance at having a pet if they are interested, now that SO has a little more time with them. Thanks for the suggestion!
IMO kids have lost the art of
IMO kids have lost the art of entertaining themselves. Buy them a ball/bike and call it a day.
I wish it were that easy. We
I wish it were that easy. We have basketballs, footballs, bikes, scooters, tennis racquets, and so on. They would keep the kids entertained for a weekend or two, but they always end up back on the screens. We even offer to have them to invite a friend over or take them to a friends house, but BM has isolated them from their friends by not allowing them to go to summer camp, or meet up with friends.. so much so that their friends have stopped inviting them out. YSD still gets a few birthday invites, so SO tries to take her if it's on our weekends.
We're pretty sure BM has them brainwashed to believe that they are not allowed to be anywhere but with SO or I on our weekends. She has their phone tracked so she gives them an earful when they go back to her if she sees that they're doing separate things. We let OSD, 12 at the time, go watch a movie and hang out at the mall with friends on a Saturday night, with another mom chaperone. She was dropped back off around 11 and she was so happy. A few weeks later, it came up somehow and BM had told her it was irresponsible for her to be out so late because BM gave her a curfew. BM uses their social lives as a bargaining tool which keeps SS in line. OSD is pretty much not allowed out because she is a girl and BM assumes she's going to slut it up. YSD is 10 but is too afraid to do anything that she even thinks would get BM upset, so she won't even try anymore.
This is all going to come
This is all going to come back on BM sooner or later The day they finally grasp their freedom, they'll never look back.
Not much you can do between the 3 and 8 pm
You can start some type of project ? DH can but an old car, Jeep.. and fix it up. You have Four years Something for DH can do with the kids. The kids can do research during the week to figure out how to do things. You have buying of tools, finding parts. Actually doing something that will result in someone having a car in the end
Unfortunately, SO knows zilch
Unfortunately, SO knows zilch about cars. But a project would be great! OSD has mentioned a tree house of some sort. We will try and think of some ideas. I'm just worried they would lose interest only being here some weekends. Wednesday nights are usually just enough time for dinner. Thank you for the suggestion!
I think you guys are trying
I think you guys are trying too hard to keep them all entertained at all times. One planned activity per weekend day plus meals together on the weekdays is enough. You can take them with you while you do your normal things, too. Like grocery shopping amd other errands. It will give their dad a chance to make sure they know how to act in public. Let them help with the shopping and such.
I do feel that I am catering
I do feel that I am catering to them a bit too much. I find myself attempting to get ahead of the BM problem and hoping the skids want to keep visiting. I think I just needed some reassurance that it's ok to not have every hour of the weekend filled with activities. Thanks!
At a certain point, we have
At a certain point, we have to accept that kids these days won't have the growing up experience we had necessarily.. a LOT of time may and will be spent on screens...
Having a tradition of something like a walk or bike ride after dinner.. is great.. the other things you are trying are good too. It also might be good for the kids to go over Homework with you all.. so you can help and give advice there.. and know what they are learning?
Yeah, we started out wanting
Yeah, we started out wanting them to just be kids and give them a little freedom because BM pretty much just parked them in front of a TV. This weekend we tried walking at the beach on Saturday and heading to the pool after. They weren't big on walking around but found a little playground at the beach that SS14, YSD10, and their cousin 10 ran around at. OSD13 was having some attitude because she needed to watch her new dog. I offered to watch her, but OSD just sat around and said she didn't want to run in the playground. Can't please them all I guess.
With regards to homework... this is another battleground with BM. She scoured the CO for reasons to keep the kids from SO, and there is wording that says the CP is responsible for helping the children with their homework. BM used this as a reason that SO needed to pick them up later AND that since it is HER job to help them, SO is not to ask them about anything homework related. This was most likely drilled into the kids' heads, so they dont mention it unless they have a project or assignment to do on our weekend. OSD had some missing assignments she needed to complete once, shes a B- student, and I helped her with that one time... But it's just another thing BM has tainted for us. I would LOVE to help the kids with homework, but I don't force it.