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Too much damage- and its only year #1??????????

DealinWithTheDevil's picture

Submitted by DealinWithTheDevil on Wed, 09/17/2008 - 1:19pm

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Blended Family Issues

Gals...I've moved out, and moved in with a girlfriend/co-worker for 3wks now.........

I dont think that i can do this anymore, too many issues:

*i went from single mom of 1 for 17yrs to married w/ 4step kids and his exwife from hell

*Community property still not settled 2 1/2 yrs since their divorce.

*The fact that he wants me to be super step mom, at every event, every moment, and doesnt understand that it is exhausting for me and i dont feel that i have to be at each and every event, i work fulltime and started my own co. at the beginning of the yr..................and all 4 SK are in sports yr round.

*My DH and my only son do not get along and therefore it is effecting my relationship with my son that i've raised alone for 17 yrs.

When talking / fighting with my husband he tells me that it is ME , that I am the only step mom that has issues with any of the above.......

HELP- I'm at the pt where, he is begging for me to come home, and says he will do whatever it takes.........but i am reluctant and dont think that we can make it,I dont think that I will make it..... ...there is too much damage and its only year 1.

bellacita's picture

Submitted by bellacita on Wed, 09/17/2008 - 3:14pm

i think youve answered this before but maybe if u go it will help him see that he is putting unfair and unrealistic expectations on u.

OR maybe it will help u see that married life and helping to raise someone else's kids is not for u.

either way, if hes willing to do whatever it takes, u have to decide if its worth it.

big hugs! hang in there...youll figure it out

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

doglover1's picture

Submitted by doglover1 on Wed, 09/17/2008 - 3:56pm

Counseling might help out. And if he is willing to do whatever then you can give it a try.Good luck and hugs!!

Tara12's picture

Submitted by Tara12 on Wed, 09/17/2008 - 9:19pm

I agree completely with bella's post. i'm sure this man loves you but is he feeling the crunch of you not being there - is this an eye opener for him about how much you do for the skids? I'm sure in your mind this is not what you signed up for. I was a single mom for a long time and blending families are hard. I once went out with a guy that had 4 kids and we moved in together for a few months and I almost lost my god damn mind so I broke up with him - I swear I was ready to go on drugs then I thought why the hell should I put myself through this what am I getting out of it? I was fine before the circus came. After it just being myself and my son for so long and dating guys that were either single or had 1 kid I could not put up with the traveling circus and my instant role of supposed super mom. If I wanted 5 kids I would have popped em out myself. Ask yourself though if YOU really want to go to counseling. What is so great about the relationship that would make you go back. Are the problems that your son is having with your FH only or with the skids as well? I would stay where you are at for now and don't throw yourself back in to that mess until you really know what you want to do. Take care of yourself and YOUR son (unless he is being an absolute brat - and I can say that because I thought my son was an angel for a long time and when he turned 17 boy did I get my eyes opened) And of course let me add my steptalk disclaimer "Of course this is only my opinion and only my opinion and not the opinion of steptalk - LOL" Smile Big cyber hugs to you g/f. You sound like you have accomplished so much for yourself don't throw that away on people that don't appreciate you.

semi's picture

Submitted by semi on Wed, 09/17/2008 - 11:26pm

I think when we take the time to do that we usually make the right decision. I pulled the plug with my ex after just 7 months... he realized his easy ride was riding off and he had the same "I'll do whatever it takes" story. If the fundementals of the relationship make you happy then counseling together might help, but if they don't there's probably not much point. It's hard to do with such a short term marriage - you wonder what people will think, you judge yourself and wonder if you tried hard enough. None of those issues matter - yes, you did try hard enough and the people who really care about you (who are the only ones whose opinions should really matter in the long run) just want you to be happy. I was so afraid to tell my friends I was getting divorced but once I did every single one of them was nothing but relieved and happy for me.

Good luck.