Trying hard
I have been with my sweetheart for 8 months and with his kids and mine we are one terrific family and will be combining our lives in two months. We have everything worked out and it all works great. we have hit bumps in the road and worked through them. But as you all have guessed by now the nasty evil ex has is rearing her nasty evil head. My guy called last night and said his ex came over (they have been divorced for 3 years) to pick up two of their kids and she was wearing skimpy shorts and "decided" with him on the porch watching the kids play that she should play with the kids too. She spent just about 45 minutes to an hour "playing" with the kids. he despises her and I know she still holds a flame for him. I asked him why he allowed her to stay and he said he has told her over and over to not even do things like this and she ignores it and he didnt want to cause a scene in front of the kids. He does everything possible to protect them from their battles. This really set me off and made the comment "I guess I didnt pee enough around the yard to where she would know the yard was not her territory any more" that wasnt a good thing to say. I was mad, I was jealous and the red flag shot up like the checkered flag at a nascar race. I told him that if my ex had ever talked about my guy the way she has talked about me and trashed me not only to him but to my stepbabies as well I would not even allow him on the property. He got real short, very distant and made comments like "so now this is all my fault?" "i should never have told you she did what she did"
This woman has done nothing but hurt him and the kids and I am just lost. He said she wont do this once I am moved in as she is just trying to push his buttons and possibly try to win him back which he said would never even be a remote possibility.
She is trying to make me jealous and because I am a good mom she is struggling to look like one too. Okay my vent is out. I am frusterated because I want to confront her but its his job not mine. I know he has to keep some sort of peace for the children. It is never fair to involve kids in fights between parents such as these. Is it up to me to set a boundry for her? Can it be? advice please.
Yeah, tell him to go inside.
Can't perform an act without an audience to watch it.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
I agree...
Sounds to me like she did what she could to manipulate the situation enough to intentionally make it uncomfortable for him to pull the plug on the DaisyDukes rolling in the yard.
For him to have said something to her at that point, definately WOULD have made him look like the “Bad Guy” to the kids, especially if they were laughing and playing and having fun, which of course, was her plan.
You and your boyfriend need to have a “escape” plan of your own.
Here’s a thought: He doesn’t want to look like the party pooper in front of the kids - (and really shouldn’t) but needs a quick, yet tactful, polite way out. Although others would call this somewhat “chicken shit” – it works. Have your hubby wear his cell phone on his hip with the sound OFF. Then, if he needs a quick escape, he could suddenly grab the cell phone off his hip, and answer, “Yes sir, this is John…”
Saying this WITHIN EARSHOT of DaisyDukes would accomplish several things:
1. She would know that he wasn’t watching her.
2. She would know that the caller wasn’t his wife.
3. She would know that it was “somewhat” important, for him to have used the word, “Sir.”
4. She would know that her “charade” is coming to an end.
Next, he could say politely to her, “Sorry, I’ve been waiting on this call, and I have to take it – I’ll see y’all next week…” Then turn around and walk back in the house and shut the door.
At that point, her demonstration is over and SHE is put in the uncomfortable rejected position of leaving with a final curtain call. And, if she has been rolling around in the yard wearing DaisyDukes, she’s probably got chigger bites on her koochie!
It'll all work out. Stay strong & good luck!
Tootsie
"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"
Thanks!
I thank you so much for the help. He does everything possible to keep the kids out of all conflict with his ex. He would never hurt them but we have to protect our home and what it means to all of us. He is finally understanding how this woman and her antics has an effect on us all, especially as a family unit. She will try it again but we are ready.
I loved the chiggar slam....way too funny. I am sure the chiggars had a lot of company if you get my drift.
I had to
Set boundries with the BM. I made it clear that she could come pick the kids up but that she would be there just long enough to get them in car. In my case, however, she refuses to step foot on our property because she threatned many times to 'kick my ass' and I informed her that she was fre to try and if she stepped on my property, I would be more than glad to give her the oppurnity. We usually met to exchange the SS's in a public place and she would be nasty there also but I would actually laugh at her and tell her it must be hard being so miserable and desperate. Inside I was seething but she has never to what extint she pisses me off. That would give her power and she cannot have any over me and mine.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.
I love Tootsie's response
Smart, non-confrontational, brief, plus she would never know how much it got under the skin - only that it didn't work!
Why can't I ever think of things like that when an infuriating situation is in front of me?
It's all about playing the game and it takes me the full 2 minutes to move a chess piece and by then, I's so angry, I'm shaking.