We have a stage 5 clinger people!!
I am brand new here and this will be my first post. From several I've read already it sounds as though I am not alone. I've been married to my husband coming up on 4 years in April. He had 3 kids from a previous marriage; 2 of whom now live with us primarily and see their mother every other weekend and holidays. Early on in our marriage my husband definitely parented out of guilt. It was very difficult to date him and after we were married it did not get any easier. In fact, in the first year I contemplated having our marriage annulled. It really was that bad. From his ex stopping by our home in the middle of the night to her telling the kids not to eat anything I cooked, not to speak with me and to stay in their rooms until their Father came home from work. I mean.. it really was just about the worst thing I had experienced to that point in my life. And I was 40 when we married with a military career in my past. I've seen a lot over the years and thought foolishly that I could handle anything. Which leads me to todays issues. His youngest is now 10 and will be 11 in just about 3 months. The one thing that has not changed since we first met is her clinginess toward her Dad. And for me, it seems to be getting worse. As an example, and like so many others, my step daughter insists on being the center of attention at all times. She has even taken to shaking her hips when she walks, shimmying her newly developed chest and dancing about to get attention. All of which feels somewhat normal until you add in that once her Dad comes home she comes out of her room and attaches herself to his hip. She is constantly hanging on him, kissing him after I kiss him. Holding his free hand if I'm holding the other. When we sit on the couch to watch movies as a family she sits on the other side of him and tries to climb on his lap if he is showing me any type of attention. Case in point, I asked my husband to play with my hair.. I hadn't seen him all day and when he came home he promptly went on a walk with his Daughter. When they got back dinner was ready and we ate. Then we sat down to watch a movie and I asked him to caress my hair. The next thing I know I feel a head next to mind and she has laid down and told her Dad to touch her hair too. But when I got to to get water she scooted herself all the way across his lap so there was no more room for me and wrapped her arms around his leg and kept kissing him on his arm or leg. I was so annoyed that I left the room. Sometimes, like tonight, I wish we didnt have the kids. I miss our life before we had them. The recent custody change has been so hard and my husband is not supportive when I try to talk to him about his daughter. She also bosses him around and tells him to get her things when she is perfectly capable. I really am sorry for the long post but honestly I just don't know where else to turn. I'm so grateful in a sad way to know I am not alone. And yes I am in counseling. Sometimes I feel more like roommates with my husband than a married couple. He becomes so defensive if I bring anything up or say I am uncomfortable. I tried to talk to him about putting the kids to bed at 15 and 10 years old and he acted like I was a monster for suggesting he stop doing it. Sigh...
My SD is the same age and
My SD is the same age and exactly like that too. I temporarily left cause I'm pregnant and went To go sort out my own things at home. I told my partner straight up that when I come back, she must not be acting out for attention, no co sleeping, no disrespecting our privacy and she must stop acting like a baby. I told him that I'd no longer tolerate any of that behavior anymore
Well, no surprise his poor
Well, no surprise his poor parenting got harder to take now that they are there full-time. If he has no interest in how it affects you and making changes to protect his marriage, then you have a tough choice to make. Personally, I would have no interest in touching him or being touched by him. Nor would I hang around while he behaves that way with his daughter.
I deal with the same thing
I deal with the same thing and it's only gotten worse as SD got older....now 12. She has doubled her clinginess over the last 6 months.........it literally makes me feel ill to witness. I thank my lucky stars every single day that BM (for the last 2 years) has convinced this SD to NEVER spend the night at our house and she has not.......in 2 years. I hope and pray that this continues b/c at least I know that come 8 or 9 PM at night that brat is leaving my house and won't return until the next afternoon and then she will go "home to bm" again later that night. If I had to deal with this 24/7, I think I'd move out tomorrow.
If he wants SD as his wife,
If he wants SD as his wife, let them have each other. He can sit and cuddle with her. That also means he loses all those perks from you. No more sex.
Take Pictures of this
behavour and post it on Facebook. Especially the ones where a 10 year old is hugging his thighs. He'll probably be investigated for child abuse and that ought to end this sick, sick behavour.
Nope. ..no ..hell no!!!
You should have to complete with a child with your husband.. I know it. Would drive me crazy... Not sure what to tell you to do just know you are not wrong for feeling this way... I would just disappear when she is over the house.. So he can have the time with his precious little angel (gag). I woul not want to see her and him together so i would absolutely find things to do when she comes over. Take long baths when a movie is about to be played. Pre plan your disappeances so it dosent look like as soon as she comes you dissappear.... Good luck girl..
Your SD is clearly jealous of
Your SD is clearly jealous of you and your DH is playing right into it. Time for a heart to heart with the DH...and then the SD. You should come first in his life (God's design)...so when he comes home from work, he should greet/kiss you, catch up and then spend a few moments doing the same with the kids. And you also need to work on bonding with the SD. Take her shopping, to get her nails done, etc...and let her know you're not there to take her dad from her, but you are his wife.
As for the ex-wife, I had the same issue. She talked crap about my DW (soon to be ex) and it drove a wedge we could never overcome. Not much you can do. She's going to deny talking crap and wants to see your marriage fail.
Why continue to sacrifice
Why continue to sacrifice your life and happiness on the alter of Sparental martyrdom to a toxic pelvic projectile and a failed man and father?
You should have pursued the anulment. But, it is not too late to salvage your life and happiness by putting this shallow and polluted incestuous gene pool behind you.
Good luck.