Wedding from HELL................
SO……..I am in a nightmare of a predicament where I have to test my trust, love, patience, sanity and commitment...
AH. So I got with my DH about 4 years ago, everything was fine then. His sister and I became close as BM was not around….but again, everything was good. BM was married and had 2 other children with her husband at the time (now divorced) but the boundaries were set and everyone was FINE… Her family was her family, my DH’s family was his, kids were great, and I was comfortable.. .
Now about 2 years ago, when BM got divorced with her 2nd husband, she befriended my mans sister, and because of that, manipulated her and got her to hate my guts. Next thing you know, DH’s sister was tearing up my bio daughters pictures, saying that her and I will never be a part of their family, that I would never be “BM” and that I won’t last longer than 5 years. IT WAS A FREAKING MESS. The sister got the parent in-laws involved, and it was a huge war. Arguments out of my control were in front of the kids – kids crying, ETC ETC ETC….. I finally just moved out. I still stayed with my DH, but he was unable to control the situation either. We moved back in together since his sister ended up hating him for not staying with BM. They do not talk anymore.
At that time, My DH’s sister was a lesbian. NOW, RANDOMLY, she is straight and she is getting married to a man very soon, within the next few months. We have never got over our drama, because I feel she crossed the line with me, and vice versa, she is still BFF’s with BM… AND this is the worst part….
In her wedding, she has BM and my DH partnered together, I nor my BIO daughter are not invited, and when I expressed my concern to my mother in-law, she said – “TOO BAD………..” (in-laws are very nonchalant….”
Though my DH refuses to play a part and not even go to the wedding, out of respect to me for all the disrespect that his sister gave me, I am STILLLLLLLLLL so upset about the BM still playing a huge roll in what is now “MY FAMILY”. It’s like she has no boundaries, and no respect for me or my DH’s life together, and his sister and BM are really doing everything they can to torture me for being DH’s girl.
WTF DO I DO???? I just want to leave the whole crazy family at this point…………..
delete "God is great, beer
delete
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
They all sound like whack
They all sound like whack jobs!! I am VERY proud of your DH for not falling into lockstep with this RIDICULOUS crap.
Yes, stay far away from all of them until they respect you - which will take twice as long as it does for them to SAY they respect you! Trust us, we know.
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"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers
You're not alone, thasawrap.
You're not alone, thasawrap. I have 3 SILS from hell who decided to turn against DH and I after we got married. All led by the oldest, who is jealous of us (thought she owned DH). She buddied right up to the woman she told DH to divorce. She sucked everyone into the game and made DH's life miserable (and mine too of course). And then when I stood up for us, she blasted me, similar to what yours did to you. Whoa, what a mouth on that one after a couple bottles of wine. It could blister paint.
Anyway, long story short, that resulted in DH cutting them all off. Now they're crawling back--even sent me birthday cards. I want nothing to do with them. They are pathetic and pitiful unhappy people. We moved far away and they're all still a miserable little clan. Good for them.
Good for your DH for not going to the wedding. The only thing I can advise is to let out your emotions--anger, tears, etc. and you will get over it. You have to disengage, get to the point where they don't mean anything and you don't care anymore. It's hard, because I thought I was getting 3 sisters. Instead "I got married and all I got were 3 witches" Be prepared that once in a while something will come up--I had a relapse when DH went to see his kids (16 and 20) and they were all there at SGrand's b-day while I stayed home (they manipulated him into going by getting his kids to ask and saying they would pay. We couldn't afford to send me--and no one offered to pay).
Hang in there and feel free to vent to us--we understand!!
You all are soooo great!
You all are soooo great! Thanks for the insite - I thought I was the crazy one. UGH. Thats how they make me feel. saying, "your the only one with the problem......you just can't get over her.." RIGHT.... right...They are just out of line with absolutely noooo respect for me or DH. ugh. this "step" life is going to be a tough road. I feel like giving up half the time but I will be damned if I let people who have no respect for me choose my fate!
Thanks for the kind words!
i have been going VERY crazy
i have been going VERY crazy of these same kind of issues!!! when i didnt let mil run the show she became best buds with bm, and now because we cant trust any one we are distanced from the whole family.
I have been so mad a felt that dh does not go out of his way to make the family see that mil is really satan.....she helped bm try and get full custody, with a stipulation that i could NEVER watch ss un supervised (for no reason at all besides, "im not the real parent")
anyways, i expected dh to defend us to the whole family, and make them see what a nasty bitch mil and bm are...but he just said fuck them all, if they dont care enough to call and get our side then we dont need them in our life anyways!!
ive been so mad and angry...but what ive realized is that i can vent on here and vent to girlfriends and my mother, but the bottom line is that dh has chosen me, as it sounds yous has chosen you, and if i keep pressing the issue and getting mad at what shitty psycho people his family are, i become a nagging crazy bitch just like them
easier said than done, I know trust me, but if dh is choosing you over them, just be thankful that you dont have to deal with them
In response to SA, my DH
In response to SA, my DH definitely did not stick up for himself enough in the past. His dad died when he was in his mid-20s and he took over that role, helping his mother and then his sisters. He is good at everything so ended up helping them with house, car, life problems. His nature is giving and accommodating. His ex literally did nothing so he raised the kids and took care of the house and yard, etc.
We are so much alike, codependent in some ways you could say. But we both (separately) hit the wall in our lives and realized what we were doing. We were both exhausted by the demands of others (spouses). So we divorced those infant adults.
I think part of the problem they all had with me (except MIL) is that my arrival in his life coincided with him not being their go-to, handyman, little everything anymore. He was almost dead from it all. We took off on our own path and they were full of warnings, put-downs, etc. One SIL said when I quit my job to work for myself, "I am so worried about you." So insulting. She's now unemployed, her company folded. Through my work, I am involved with a nonprofit program that is getting national attention.
Anyway, DH get a pair and they didn't like it. But he tells me again and again, YOU are my family, not them. Love it.
When you realize that these
When you realize that these people have no say in your self-esteem you'll go about putting together a life that simply does not include them.
You'll be able to let your husband and his bio-children interact with the childrens family while not concerning yourself with the relationship your husband and his children have with these people.
They are not your family and probably never will be.
When he visits with his parents you visit with yours. Or go to a movie. Simply leave them out of your life. All it takes is a 180 degree turn in your attitude. Once they no longer matter to you....well they no longer matter do they?
Let go of them.