Hi, I'am new to this site and don't know how to use it yet! Lol
I am having serious parenting and marriage problems. We have a blended family here, and many problems that have build up over the years. Started with 7 kids. 5 of mine and 2 of his. Many kids to deal with, ages from 3 to 18. My two oldest boys, did not live with us very long, because as soon as problems started, they were booted out of the house by my loving husband, not willing to help me parent them. I was allowed to help them out from a distance. Which at the time I thought that was ok, they were teenages causing marriage problems as teenagers do. one of my daughters was not as bad but as she was getting older pressure was on for her to leave. She moved to grandma's house post high school, took a hairdressing school and never came back, we helped her financially some. So we ended up with 4 kids at home 2 his, and 2 mine. All came to be teenages at the same time. Before I go any further, his kids grew up with us half time with us,and the other half with their mother. Which made it very hard, since his kids had both parent's spoiling them and competting against each other. I was the only parent for my kids, no support from their dad( impossible to deal with) and if I asked my present husband for anything beyond nessesity, I was asked where is there father. So I just learned not to ask. So we developed double standards in our home. My kids and your kids ect. His kids joined sports, hockey, volleyball, horse back riding lessons ect. I had mine in some community activities, which did not require much expense. My kids jelous of the things the other kids had and how easy things came to them. They would argue and became resentful to the other siblings but that just made them "shit disturbers". according to my husband. His kids came with problems too, but no way I was allowed to point out their flaws, they were put on pedestal by their dad, and praised whether praise needed or not. They were told that my kids are jeoulus of them because they smarter and do good. (of course they were jelous!) They saw what went on! I stayed nutural, bit my tongue many times, my husband would get offended if had anything to say to him or his spoiled kids. I cooked meals, cleaned up after them, treated them no different then my own kids, but did refuse to give them more from me. So, teenages now, their mother don't want anything to do with them, she can't handle them. They came to live with us. Well I can't handle this eighter, no responsibilities put on them, no chores, no rules no help. They were always guests here. They want more then we can give, and dad continues giving. One of mine moved out so i have only one. But now everytime he gives his kids I fight for same for mine, not that I agree with his decisions. We became bitter toward each other, he pretends there is no problem here. He bought 3 cars already for his son. Last one was a loan, that he doesn't even think about collecting money for. When I asked for payment, my step son said to me; you're not my mother, nor friend you're just my roomate! I had few good fights with his daughter and she moved out for the summer, but back home now. I am hoping that with better attitude! They think their dad provides with no ending, but really we have common account and I also make good money! Dad controls! Help don't know what to do? Something needs to give, but what, marriage? He holds on to his kids, trying to get them through post secondary education. He don't want them to move. I am ready for a huge change!