What do I do?
I'm writing this because I don't know where else to turn. My SS (age 9) is an absolute brat and a perpetual liar. It's frustrating because I love my husband...but he has textbook "guilty father syndrome". My husband doesn't realize he's creating a monster when he whips out his credit card for anything/everything SS demands. Between the whining, screaming, talking back and crap thrown everywhere I dread every moment SS comes to stay with us. My family can't stand SS behavior either. Anyways I'm not sure what to do because everytime I mention something abt SS to my husband he instantly gets defensive and angry at me. It seems easier to avoid SS altogether and completely ignore the issues. That said, I'm nervous about the future and I don't know how to communicate this to my husband in a way he will hear me.
If you are new here.....
If you are new here, you might not be familiar with the term, "Disney dad", but thats what you have. It means a father who is afraid to properly parent lest he lose time, love or respect from the child. It does the child no good but the guilt these dads feel about the divorce is what causes this. These dads are notoriously difficult to get thru to. Read around on this site and search that term and you will find hundreds of people in your situation and their successes and failures.
Another term to search is "disengagement" which is what is often recommended for the step mom when they can't get thru to dad. Good luck.
Welcome to the site!
Maybe try and talk quietly to him about the "creating a monster" aspect of his behaviour with his son. The boy will end up friendless, with no social skills, unable to co-operate, unable to form relationships with either sex, low achieving, and later, unemployable.
The way I got through to my
The way I got through to my husband was when all SD wanted was for him to take her to the movies and out to eat I told him "you know, starting at a screen for an hour and a half and not even talking might not be the best use of your time. Maybe you should try some activities where you can talk more and bond?" With this he knew my intention was to make him a better father not just about money or SDs entitled behavior (though bat the root it was).
You might also try suggesting that maybe SS is old enough to earn an allowancence so you can teach him about money.
Or you could say "why dont we go do something enriching or make a nice memory rather than just spend money?"
You can even mention your friends with kids when you give him these suggestions, or buy him some parenting books.
See if your husband is willing to hear "parenting ideas" rather than criticism.
Do you have joint finances?
Do you have joint finances? Maybe you can make this a financial talk instead of parenting to start.
Things Like:
Then go into how much he is spending on "entertainment" or "extras" and come up with a budget that is more reasonable. Maybe once you have that part under control you can break it down more with activities that are more cost friendly and more enriching experiences.
When the kid gets mad about the $$$ aspect of it, it will be easier for your husband to see what an entitled brat he has vs. you having to do anything. He will HOPEFULLY see that SS should be happy having a day going on a bike ride or ____ instead of spending $200 on nothing.