I am very new to this site & very glad I found it. I'm at my wits end. It's been a lot of mental manipulation.
I am TIRED of being the BAD GUY! My bf has 4 kids. I only knew about 2 (around my kids age)at first, found out about the other 2 ( 3 & 4th graders) 5 yrs later. To keep the oldest out of trouble he came to live with us. Treated him like my own & he was really starting to act like it. All was great. Then one school break he went to bm only to come back brainwashed. I tried telling the d that something changed, he was different, but I was told I'm crazy. This went on for quite some time. Then he started getting into trouble. Drugs & guns. Was very unhappy, didn't want to go straight home after work. Would wander around the mall for hours before going home. He went back to live with bm. When he wanted to come back, I paid for his ticket to return. This kid thinks I hate him ( which ends up being the case with all of them). I expressed to him that I didn't hate him & that I saw him change after the break. Bf admitted to the change years later.
Fast forward a few years. One of the younger kids came to live with us. He was a little weird in a querky kind of way, but we got along fine. Home was beautiful. Then the shoe fell off. The other kid came. I sensed in my gut there were going to be problems and boy was I right! The whole entire household flipped upside down. I stayed home for 6 mos to try to ease the transition. Which allowed him to work extra hours. What I find interesting is he never had a worry, had to call, had to rush home because he knew they were well taken care of. I would be alone with the kids for days at a time. Yes he would call but never to ask did they eat? Are they ok? Only how's the day going, what are they doing, stuff like that. I disciplined them according to what was done. Separate them, sit in the corner ( timeout), or tell everybody we are having book time. We all got a book and read for an hour. That began to become part of our week. We would go to B&N to buy a book for the week all getting the next book we wanted to read. Bf said I made reading a punishment. Yet when we went to Walmart I would always go to the book section and they'd be right there looking at books too. Go figure. Though I do not reward bad behavior, I don't condone it either. Yes I would yell, but I also kissed, hugged, congratulated, celebrated, assisted, talked to, supported, all the things mothers do. Then all of a sudden if I scolded them I was wrong. It became an issue. So I would tell him of the infraction and let him handle it. But what happens to behavior that is never addressed? It gets worse. And it did. And as he grew into the super hero, letting them do what they want when they want ( eat a whole entire family size bag of chips not together, but one kid did this ) I became the villan, make them clean their room (far worse than Katrina)( why are clean clothes all over the floor mixed with dirty clothes yet the drawers are empty and hangers bare?), and bm telling the kids I'm the devil ( no, he did nothing about it) yes I grew frustrated. We would get up Sat morning, I'd blast music & we would dance, sing & clean the house. Then spent the rest of the day chilling or doing what ever. My rule is " Do what you have to do, then you have more time to do what you want to do"
Any situation I bought to him addressing the kids behavior broke out into WWII between us. If the kids came and asked him for a snack, I'm looking at the time, he says yes but in 10 min we are eating dinner & guess who's not hungry? But the few occasions where I said no, dinner is in 10 min, back to WWII. Everything I told them they could and couldn't do became " Daddy says" . As his cape grew long my patience grew shorter. He was able to be and express frustration, but HOW DARE I, oh I don't have the right. Needless to say I got tired of the fighting ect and totally withdrew from the whole house. I would stay in my room, cook and I even stopped doing that ( they eat snack all day dinner would always go untouched so why bother) I wouldn't clean the house( and that ate me up because I love a clean house), I would do laundry. Our fights grew into something downright illegal at times. I must add infidelity was another problem on his part. Even where he stayed away for 5 days, no call no nothing, and yes I had the kids. So I moved out. Get this, HE BLAMES ME!
We recently had been discussing reconciliation but he says the kids don't feel comfortable with me. Hmm, if I was spewing venom in there ears all the time they wouldn't like him either.
I want to work the situation out, but a lot has to change and it all ain't just me!
Can someone please tell me THAT IM NOT ONE FOOT AWAY FROM THE NUT HOUSE?