I feel for you. Step-parenting is a thankless job and takes a very giving soul to do it.

Kudos to you for raising such a wonderful young lady. You should pat yourself on the back even if noone else will do it.

I think most of us has been in this position, myself included. My SS's dead beat douche only sees them once or twice a year during holidays, but parades them around like trophies (my SS19's words) and posts pictures on facebook and is told what a wonderful mom she is. :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

It hurts but try to remember you are above it and just smile for SD. She knows who was there and who wasn't

Every SP, no matter how much work they have done, no matter how much they have given up for their SKs, no matter how much they have been the better "parent," no matter what age the SKs are. . . they are all just one step away from becoming Evil SM. This is why SMs who come here and brag how they stuck it out for a year or two, and now, another couple years down the road they are "finally" reaping the benefits, can be rather unnerving and frustrating sometimes to us old timers. In reality, you are always walking on a narrow tightrope when you are a SP. I didn't fully fall into the Evil SM bucket for 14 years, although I realize now it probably happened a lot earlier than I thought. I just didn't realize it.

I'm not going to say too much more than that, other than there must be a special place in purgatory for moms or dads who skip out on their children, no questions asked, and then come back years later and want to suddenly be mom and dad again. The kids are almost fully raised and grown and have become well-rounded adults (due to zero contribution from absentee mom and dad), and the absentee parent wants to step-in and displace the other parents and wreck havoc once again on their children's hearts. And, everyone, the media, neighbors, relatives, ministers, counselors will be jumping all other themselves to parade around and congratulate the absentee parent on what could really be labeled little more than self-centered histrionics. They may share DNA, but that's pretty much it. After yeah many years, BM and her children are strangers. So, why is BM coming out of the woodwork now?

Best of luck to you! I don't have any further advice to give because I have not been in the situation, but have heard plenty about the challenges of such on this website. Of course everyone knows that BM and bio-dad and child have a right to know each other, but if it isn't done correctly, and I don't think most do, unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of chaos for multiple family members. Try to get your SKs to go slow!, and pray they have good heads on their shoulders, and like classNJ says, hopefully she'll come to know who was there and who wasn't, because they have to see it for themselves to get it.