" That im childish because i stand up for her son and inform her on things that she needs to do per therapists orders."

If she had direct communication with the therapist and any 'orders' given it would remove you from being the person informing her. Rotten BM or not, no mother is going to take 'orders' from another woman very well. Even though you are doing the huge majority of hands on care taking (even more so than Dad), he needs to be the one doing the necessary parental communicating with BM. Communication should be preferably by email. Why does he sit on a phone listening to BM whine and b*tch?

You're doing just fine and should be granted the status of sainthood for all YOU'RE doing for this child. You do almost all of the care, get little thanks and have to deal with BM's crap. I'm sorry to say but your fiance was very immature and irresponsible. He slept with a promiscuous drug user, did not use protection, made a child and pawned it off on you to take care of. Then you did make the CHOICE to marry him.

It's going to be a long haul taking care of a child who has been physically/mentally damaged by drugs and neglect. It's going to be a b*tch intensively dealing with BM for the next 15+ years. You've got your work cut out for you and honestly no one would blame you for getting out now.

I feel for you, SD6 is coming back today from a week at BM's and the structure here differs from BM's in the sense that there is no structure. SD6 is in therapy, which I had to set up because DH works long hours and BM took her to two therapy appointments last year before blowing it off, likely when she realized she wasn't going to get any Adderall out of it. Tomorrow will be her third session and not only has BM avoided coming with, she threatened to cancel all of SD's appointments and change her insurance because CPS was investigating her, which of course she blamed on us. The main thing the therapist has stressed was that SD6 needs to get sufficient sleep. Instead of doing this, BM just lies about doing it and changes her story on a weekly basis. SD comes over sleep deprived, overly cranky, defiant and usually ends up getting sent to her room where she inevitably naps for 2-3 hours, all of which has gotten worse since BM signed her up for evening martial arts classes which keep her from falling asleep at night.

I just changed my phone number to avoid dealing with BM. When she went back to BM's last week, I put together a bag of kid's multivitamins, vitamin C and some holistic cough medicine that seems to be working well so SD would have those things while she was there. BM was nasty to SD12 (who isn't hers) said she already had those things at her house, but she took the bag and had the nerve to text me with "Don't ever try to send anything home with SD6 again." If I have to deal with her on anything I do it via email and occasionally will do so from DH's email-with his knowledge and permission of course. I encourage him not to engage with her because it's counterproductive and never goes anywhere and we're just waiting for our court date. Stepping in and being a stepmom to DH's older two was easy, their BM left when they were small and has no contact, they call me Mom and it's like having three instead of just BS14 but it's so much harder when you have a difficult person that constantly feels the need to bag on you, complain and interfere, not to mention the I know more than the therapist mentality.

I came to the realization that BM is never going to change and you can't change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions. I just try to avoid dealing with her as much as possible and keep it to email, when absolutely necessary.

I never talk to my DH ex. She can be very unreasonable at times. If we want to pick up the kids an hour early to go to a movie sometimes she'll say no for no reason. Now the kids are old enough to understand that she didn't have a good reason to say no. I feel bad for them. I don't know their step dad but the kids say all he does is play video games. He is a stay at home dad. My S-kids have 2 younger sibling their mom had with their stepdad. They complain that the youngest, the only girl, is a brat and he father acts as if she can do no wrong. You do deserve a reward. You are being a responsible adult and might be the kids only hope to learn how a parent child relationship should be. I'm no expert by any means but I would try to minimize my interactions with the bio mom. If your husband is going to listen to her complain then I would just leave the room. Although he doesn't need to take on the stress of all her problems. Doesn't she have family or friends she can talk to ?

My SS BM is pretending I don't exist currently. (it is awesome I love it when she does it) However I was the parent at home with my SS for 2 years and it is tough. You are the parent and have to make decision but are told you aren't a parent. It is a tough place to be in. I would suggest communicating only through texts or email. It has helped a ton because everything is documented. As well as you can decided what to respond to and what you do not want to respond to.

I believe and suggest just follow your heart , May be the other woman has not found a companion yet and she is still busy thinking how to disturb her earlier husband . Ignore do good and you will be served good.