Is the Ex really trying to Co-parent?
I am far from being a jealous, over-rating person but I find myself questioning the ex's attentions?! Having a blended family is very challenging especially when it changes to a 50/50 co-parenting situation. When I first got with my finance, I heard very little of the mother of his girls, creating drama or even contacting him as much as now. Seemed as soon as she was aware of me is when I noticed he was getting more and more text from her and more and more drama came with that. Years have past, and I notice now it has become a daily thing for them to text. 9/10 times it's usually something that of course causes drama. I have question why she feels the need to text daily? His answer and I've seen, "it's concerning the kids!" But, 3-4 times a day, at different times, and usually during his work hours.... I feel is not normal. Am I not seeing this correctly? Add the factor that not only as she caused drama but she's also previously tried telling him that I am no good for the children and picked out several negative things about me. Don't quite get that, because she is remarried and never has my finance degrades him not caused the friction in their relationship. I honestly try brushing it all under the carpet because I know the person I am. But the contacting thing has me a little skeptical? How should I try to end this or is it another thing I'm expected to just overlook?
This sounds familiar also....
This sounds familiar also.... The children more a less "victimize" themselves as mom never doing anything for them or with them! Therefor, dad is manipulated and feels he has to! Little does he realize, as much as they tell us of their mother and situations, the same is being done to us to manipulate the mother! He hasn't caught on, it's rather frustrating! And the mom now all of a sudden wants to co-parent and contact him constant! Funny, how I'm reminded she is their mother, but yet it's me taking care of them on visits! Unfortunately, if I say anything it results us fighting exactly the attentions. Before we moved closer things were much easier. If he'd wake up and be more wise it wouldn't be as rough, sitting and watching him act obilivant to what's going on is the hardest struggle!
My running theory for
My running theory for ex-wives is that upon divorce, no matter who caused or instigated it, ex-wives seem to think that the guy should spend the rest of their life pining for the lost love or at least the marriage. When the guy moves on, as evidenced by the taking of a girl friend or (God forbid) a wife, that fantasy is shattered and suddenly he becomes more valuable to them. They want their cake and eat it too. So they try and pull him back into their sphere of influence.
I assume that the children worrying that since he left once may pull further away and also try to hang on. After awhile everyone adjusts to the new arrangement and things go back to normal. Unfortunately for the ex that has nothing else going for her this can take years or even decades.
I noticed this when SO and I
I noticed this when SO and I first got together. All I had to do was make a comment along the lines of "you two are awfully chatty...I wouldn't want that much contact with my ex. How do you deal with that?" I watched as he sent more text and that was that. Now if she badgers him with texts, he'll just call her and ask WTF...stop.
I think OCC is right. It's a form of control by ex's that can't let go. Even though BM has a boyfriend that she says she is supposedly going to marry(she's had 7 men in her life in the time SO and I have been together and has said this about every one of them lol), she still seems to have boundary issues. I'm grateful that SO shuts her down immediately and tells her she's being inappropriate. I've even witnessed him talk to her about these things in front of her BF. The BF looked confused so I don't what he thinks. It would be interesting to know.
Thanks for all your
Thanks for all your inputs!
You are right Cat, why do I do it? Week visits and his schedule, I'm the savor! But again to BM I am interference! I've even attempted peace with this woman and there is nothing that makes her happy! Upon a sit down talk to get on the same page, it ended her telling my fiancé that she doesn't think I'm right for the kids! Of course to my face all smiles and giggles! With that said maybe I do need to show I'm just not good for your children when you two need me to be!
I haven't mentioned the dilemma of the texts constant in much more words then, "wow she texts you a lot!" But ego could be something I missed and showing no cares will probably help! I was married 7 years, had a child, divorced and no attachments passed a child! Did I contact him, very rarely! Did I bother him and his new girlfriend, never! But makes total sense that she's hanging on. Truthfully, she talks to him like he is controlled by her because they've had kids!
How to handle it with out causing conflict in our relationship though is the trick!? I don't show mind to it now and it continues.....