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Hi Everyone,

So I am uber thrilled to find a venting site.... maybe sharing with people that understand might keep me sane.

So Long Story short.

Met my hubby when Biological Mom was 2 months pregnant. They were friends with benefits that didnt quite turn out as it was supposed to... anyways so I have had these girls since birth - Twinnies

They only used to come on weekends but since the 10th Jan they have moved in permanently with us.
I am thrilled. I know it is easy for me to be judgemental but BM was neglecting them. They were always dirty and smelled and permanently sick and in tattered clothes.

We paid substantial maintenance but it was not used for the kids.
She stopped working, met a man, got married had another child, her eldest son also returned to live with her at the age of 12 about 2 years ago.

Subsequently she stopped working and kept at us for more money. We kept it within the legal requirement and increased by inflation each year... this does not include all the extras as in clothes, medical etc. She eventually got another job.

Anyways so her hubby tragically passed away in November 2012 in a car accident. She spiralled (which is normal for anyone in her shoes) but she never really got over it. Got fired from her job for stealing stock and reselling it.

She lived off his policy money and re-started abusing substances and blew 600k in 8 months.

She didnt look for a job just continued partying. During this time we tried to support and help her out. At a certain point I offered to take the kids in the week as everytime I went there the house was a mess and I mean a mess.... no thoroughfare through crap just lying on the floor. She would be either crying, screaming at kids or drinking... so i offered to house the kids and she gets them on weekends. She threatened to kill me then.

Anyways Jan 3rd I get a call saying she cant do it anymore and cannot provide for them. Please note this is 3 days after we have paid maintenance and she had not a cent to her name.

So we arranged for the kids to live with us and we have full responsibility and financial expense of kids.

So its been pretty rough however it's necessary but I am just fed up at the moment... When she decides to take them there are always issues, and asking for things, she will drop them off and walk out with wine, nail varnish remover and cash as if we dont give it to her she would have to sleep over as she has no fuel....

Stuff like that all the time, when we go fetch them same thing, can we bring this and that and do this and that. That is apart from the girls beeing full of iggles when they come back. Dont want to eat what I make,m cheeky and stuff.

Now she has moved into a Church housing centre for women, and I felt that it was inappropriate to let the kids sleep there - visit sure but sleep... I offered to drop them off, she will have none of it.

She keeps saying to me remember I am their mother - Really???? Then why the hell am I raising them while you party your life away.

Dont get me wrong I love those girls... And I will do everything I can to protect them but I feel like I am punching a brick wall.

I have seen my lawyer and seeing an advocate next week however I cant do anything until it hits the court roll.

I am frustrated! At this stage... my hubby has just been promoted and working long hours so he is always home late and I am drowning!!!

Help!

Always deliver and pick up

Always deliver and pick up the kids so she can't beg stuff off of you two. I don't see a problem with kids sleeping with their mother as long as the mother is in a safe location which I would think a Church housing center would be.

Ideal? Of course not but children are sleeping with parents under much worse conditions even as I write this and turning out just fine. You are raising them because you care more about them. She's embroiled in substance abuse which has control of her life. Ignore what she says - even if she's in a controlled environment and not taking drugs today the effects of past use will alter her perceptions and may, in fact likely, have caused permanent brain damage. She will literally perceive herself as a fine mother - after all her children have a place to sleep don't they? Give her the hallucinations she's having and ignore her prattle.

If the kids ask what is going on tell them the truth in age appropriate language. Children are not stupid and know that something is wrong and if you try to cover their mothers mistakes they'll root it out in time and then they won't trust you either.

If your husband isn't going to be around to help then tell him you must hire outside help such as a cleaning person who can clean the house, do laundry, etc. Not a live-in maid but someone who can do the heavy weekly stuff maybe one day a week.

Thanks so much I also

Thanks so much I also thought the church housing centre would be good, but I am afraid of the people there, they look rough which is normal because I mean they there to be rehabilitated but I wonder if its a good environment for the girls? Is it?

So guess what... we went to drop the kids off on Friday and she was all giddy and told us she had a few whiskeys and she thinks that it went to her head because of shock so I asked what shock and she said the second policy of her late husband paid out 400k ZAR

So I congratulated her as she really needs the break and then said that she will continue to stay at the shelter as she can rent a room for cheap but we need to discuss as she wants the girls back. We said we would talk on sunday as we were not going to do that in front of the girls.

Sundays comes she is supposed to drop them at four, she makes it six as she wants them to eat first, at six thirty I call to find out where she is oh no now I must fetch them as she is running late.

We fetch them, they run to us all ecstatic to see us. When we get into the car, the one starts tearing up, I ask what is wrong and she says she didnt have a good weekend, so we comfort her.

Get home they ask me for food, I dish up for them and they polish two plates down of chicken, potatoes and veg... they NEVER do that.... and they had supposedly just eaten???? I know them they never ever eat like that.... I think they didnt eat and she told them to lie to us

Then the one starts crying the one that says she had a bad weekend, saying she doesnt want to live with us anymore and that she misses and wants her mom.... WTF????

Complete 180 turn in two days....

This morning she remains teary and no matter what I say or how many kisses or hugs she is the same..... I dont know how to handle this now.

We seeing family advocate on wednesday.... wish it was sooner