Schedule - Conflict
So last year we started taking stepkids extra outside of what the parental agreement stated. Back in March of this year biomom told us we couldn't have the kids anymore on school nights. On paper we are a EOWE parent. It wasn't anything we did but kids would fight with mother about going to our home so she wanted it to end. So we decided we would just stick to the parental agreement from now on as there was too much conflict. Mother's day weekend came and the parental agreement stated that the kids go back home to moms on Saturday at 4pm instead of Sunday at 6pm to celebrate mother's day. Biomom messaged dad stating "you only get the kids every second weekend and are already trying to get rid of them, poor excuse for a father." Dad did not reply back to her and took the kids home for the 4pm time as agreed upon on the parental agreement. Kids ended up going to grandparents house and friends houses instead of being home anyways. Then lastnight child calls at like 4:30pm saying mom's says we can go to your house tonight (which is a school night). Now she is saying we can take them on school nights. We don't want to get back into this as there was so much conflict if there was a time we couldn't take the kids due to being down to one car. (His personal car broke down and needed major repairs)I have to work at 4am in the morning and dad only has a work vehicle that sits 3 people but it needs to be a 4 seater for him to drive them to school which is 30 minutes away. We tried explaining that it is harder for us as we don't have a bus that comes to our house like mom's house. Also the children would always call last minute about coming for the night. Now the kid saying that dad doesn't even care about them and that he doesn't want them, that he never wants to see them. Is it wrong of us to just follow the parental agreement until we can figure out a way to change it?
If your DH wants to change
If your DH wants to change the visitation schedule, he needs to go back to court. That way, BM can't play this game.
Expensive
At the moment we can't afford a lawyer. Partner has a physical disability that prevents him from working full-time hours. Kids are losing in this one.
I don't really see that you
I don't really see that you have an issue here - you are saying that "on paper you are EOWE. You say you don't want to get back into having them on school nights - it appears this isn't in the agreement anyhow, it is just BM jerking your partner's chain. It appears he's handling this pretty well ie ignoring her insults and sticking to the written agreement. So can't you just carry on like that? The SKID saying that their Dad doesn't care about them is BM imposing PAS (parental alienation) on them. I would ignore it. Here is an article on PAS : https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/child-or-weapon-psychological-dynamics-...
All you have to do if follow the CO
You have a life, you make plans. You expect the kids EOWE. You are ready to take them EOWE. If you don't you are letting BM control your life and home. You can't do this. To volunteer change the CO should not be a big problem. You most likely don't need a lawer for this.
'Big number two. This is DH'S problem, this is the woman he married. It's up to him to work out all the details. Just make it's know to him. What ever is decided, it's doesn't change. And jts Jo to him to figure out cars, car repairs ect.
Follow the CO to the letter.
Follow the CO to the letter. Tell the kids that this is not your choice , it was decided by a judge. Show the CO if necessary. Depending on the age of the kids, ask them what BM has planned if she wants them to go to your place ...
I went thru this in the
I went thru this in the beginning, DH was in an accident and off recovering. Bm thought since he wasn't doing anything the skids could be over all the time. I was wise to her game though and stopped it. You need to show the fact to the skids. Blame the schedule on the judge and point out that BM SIGNED it, thereby agreeing to it. Then have DH tell BM that since she is having trouble keeping the skids as agreed , he'd be happy to revisit the schedule AND child support so he can have them more.
Once you bring up losing money they usually shape up. All HCBM play this game. DH is the only who can point it out to her and call her bluff. It comes down to money.
The skids need facts too. Age appropriate. I loved sending SD back with questions for BM.
The question is, do you really want to change it?
As for addressing the PASd toxic parent minions who are sniffing toxic mommy's ass, give them the facts. A CO is the law. Kids need to know that. DH needs to sit them down, give them each a copy of the CO with highlighted sections, sentences, etc... that address the situation at hand and explain that everyone has to follow the CO since it is the law and .... their mother is violating the law when she breaks the CO.
We did this with SS. He would occassionally come home from SpermLand visitation upset regarding SpermGrandHag lies and manipulations about how we took him from them and won't let him stay with them.
SS: ~Mom and Dad, why do you try to steal me from (other) family and not let them have me longer.
Us: ~Son, remember when we talked about the CO and how it is the law. Well, here is a copy of the CO and the highlighted part is why your (SpermGrandHag) trying to break the CO can get her in trouble. Take a look and read it outloud so we can talk about it if you have any questions. See how it said from the very beginning that your mom is your custodial parent with full physical and legal custody and how (Daddy Firstname) has visitation. That is what the CO has always said. Your (SpermGrandHag) has always known this since she got the first revision of this document before you turned a year old. She is wrong. Your mom never took you, and your mom and I do not keep you from spending time with them. We follow the law set in the CO. Your (SpermClan) should follow the law of the CO too.
SS: ~ I forgot that part. I get it. I don't want anyone to get into trouble.
His detail knowledge of the CO, supplemental county (jurisdictional) rules regarding custody/visitation/support, and State regulations as well as knowledge about the court reporter transcripts, PI investigation reports, Spermidiot arrest records, divorce records regarding the divorce he claimed never happened because he was never married (he married a 16yo to avoid statutory rape charges when he was 24), etc, increased in an age appropriate manner as he progressed towards aging out from under the CO.
IMHO, evey kid should be folded into the facts and truth in an age appropriate manner when they are cursed with a manipulative shallow and polluted end of their gene pool.
Keep following the CO. Make
Keep following the CO. Make sure SKs don't have a key to the house so they can't just be dropped off. Keep repeating "we will be following the CO" until she stops. Explain to the SKs the bus cannot come to your house. Be done with anything outside the CO unless BM wants to take you back to court.
Just BM TRYING to control your home
BM life must be a mess. She is trying to mess up your life because of that. She going on a date, send the kids to BF, Friends invite her out for the night. Kids to BF. Nothing going on. Kids stay with her. Just stay with EOWE and the CO. Bthen you can make plans, plan dinners, events ect.