Tired of being accused and belittled-just a mindless rant
I don't even know how to start this, I just spent two hours listening to BM belittle DH and I and tell us how to be better parents when she is literally the dumbest woman I know. Now I know I just sound bitter, but really truly she is not smart. I have tried to give her allowances and be understanding of her but I truly think a rock could be a better parent. Since we moved here in April she has taken this child to the emergency room 5 times, once because he had diarrhea and couldn't tell if he was dehydrated....like seriously....you have two kids and don't know how to tell if you son is dehydrated?!
So let me explain my situation a little bit. DH found out form the courts last summer that he had a beautiful baby boy and was expected to pay child support. He had tried earlier to be in his child's life but had been escorted by the police off of BMs property and told that SS was not his child and basically to f-off. After being informed by the state that SS was indeed his he began paying child support and trying to have contact. This March he got to meet his boy for the first time at our wedding, which was a crazy way to make introductions, but it happened and worked out. Since then we have picked up our life and moved to MT to be close to SS and establish a parenting plan for the future as we are not interested in being just a monthly check. Things started off pretty good, we watched SS a few hours here and there to acclimated and then moved to having him every weekend. Now DH and I have both been offered really good jobs in WA, about a 3-4 hr drive from here. So we set up arrangements to have shared custody of a month on and off until old enough to go to school. We really thought things were all settled, and then today happened.
We met to finalize decisions and get switch dates in writing so everyone knew exactly what was expected. She then spent two hours telling us how she wants us to parent him at our home. From when he goes to bed, what he sleeps in, what to feed him, when to feed him, how to put him to bed, what we need to look for in a pediatrician, who can watch him...I mean the list goes on. And during the two hours I saw my SS turn into a child I had never met. Throwing tantrums every five minutes, pushing and shoving others, hitting. That was not my sweet SS, I have no idea who that was. And then his sister who has a behavioral disability went into full meltdown mode (hitting herself, yelling, cursing, punching her mom) and I watched BM scream back at her and curse at her calling her daughter an a**....and this is the woman raising my child.
Then she had the nerve to tell us he wasn't sleeping in his own bed at night and that it was our fault. Which is hilarious considering that he sleeps just fine in his bed here...maybe tries to get up once after being put down but goes right back to bed when told. And then told us that she has started locking him in his room at night! I personally find that really neglectful. I don't feel like parenting and teaching, so I'll just lock him up...awesome.
The icing on the cake was when SS wanted a drink I took him to get some water after BM repeatedly told him to stop bothering her (excuse me it's a 90 degree day and he has been playing at the park working up a sweat...he can have a friggin drink of water) and when we came back he said thank you mama and ran off. She flipped her lid. We explained that he was told I was Courtney, but after some time started calling me mom. I am not going to tell a two year old they can't call me mom. Maybe I'm wrong, but I am a lifelong member of his family unit, and I act as the mother figure in our home, he connected the dots on his own. Now I am no longer allowed at parenting meetings....well according to her...DH explained that to her that I would be since I am part of this co-parenting arrangement and a part of SS's life.
Have I mentioned she is Bi-Polar....well she is. Anyways, these are my very unorganized thoughts on life today.
Yeah, the only stupidity I
Yeah, the only stupidity I see (besides BM of course) was putting yourselves in the position of having to stick around for 2 hours listening to a crazy person ranting.
Encourage your DH to get a water-tight CO on the child and limit interactions with BM to IN WRITING ONLY. Better to have documentation for court. Then make sure that YOU have absolutely NO interactions with her.
A happy wife is a happy life and a woman who is forced to listen to a crazy baby mama isn't going to be happy.
Also, it isn't fair that a child you love has to be raised by a crazy person but that is the breaks some kids get. Your DH didn't protect himself from having this happen so he must have thought that she was fine to be a baby mama.
Once Daddy has done what
Once Daddy has done what 'MarieJeanne' suggests above then stick to the terms of that court order to the minute. Lacking a bonafied (Emergency Room) emergency Daddy should not allow her any deviation from the order and ask for none. It's the only way to minimize interaction between him and her which is so much better than haggling over a day here or a day there. Also people with mental problems do better in a controlled environment and the BM will come to understand that there is no point in going maniac over the scheduling and if she does Daddy can just ignore the ranting's as it's all by email or text.