Oh, hell no. That's not your responsibility, he's not your child.  Your wife will likely undermine you, and your SS will get resentful of you being the bad guy.

Don't agree to that. That psychiatrist is an idiot.

That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard a Psychiatrist recommend. Go with your instincts and do not engage this chaos. He's not listening to his own parents and perhaps doesnt care much about you so why would he change if you implement consequences? He needs a new therapist.

Nope. Don't do it. You'll get sucked down their rabbit hole and blamed for everything.

At most, agree to transport the monster they've created to military school. It just might turn that boy around.

Whhaaaat? Look I'm the last one to argue for disengagement, but this sounds like a real s&&t show. Has the psychiatrist actually spoken to you about this? 

I don't think this is a winning situation for you. You say no to save your own sanity. Your wife is sure not going to like that. I wouldn't (even though it's what's best for you). She's in desperate mode. You say yes and it's hell on earth for a couple of years. Maybe you get through to the kid. You may or may not get thanks for that. Or more likely even if you do the best job you possibly can - you fail at turning this kid around. It may well be an impossible task. And you probably get blame for not trying hard enough when the psych pinned his last best hopes on you.

In my opinion this is medical malpractice if the psych didn't speak to you first and get your agreement before suggesting this. WTAF? 

Tell the psychologist that you've got a better idea. SS can live with him. He can set the rules and enforce them. 

Of course, he'll say that that won't work. After all he has no legal authority for school, for doctor, for dentist, etc. He has no legal authority to require SS to do anything. Oh, wait a minute. Neither do you. 

Let me guess... this psychologist has no experience with step situations. 

Don't say No. Say HELL NO!!!

I read parts of your other posts and there is no way you should be in charge of SS. I can't understand why his parents won't step up if that's what best for him. I would think there would be consequences from the military school if he tried to run away right? I'd say let them handle it.

Do NOT do it! I fell for this when my SD was 14. All hell broke lose! Say NO. Stay away from this if you want your marriage to survive.

to a stepparent. This is the bio parents responsibility solely. If they actually effectively parented and disciplined this child/son of theirs, outside help wouldn’t be needed.

Often at times there is no medical issue with the child, they’ve simply never been taught the concept of consequences and repercussions for your actions and parents don’t want to parent and so they take them to a psychiatrist when in reality this ss has no respect for authority and boundaries

the running away is a manipulation tactic. A few months back i watched a dr phil episode and a teen girl was screaming abd physically punching/kicking her parents because she never got herway and smashed holes in doors. 

Dr phil recommended she be put in one of those schools where she is stripped of privileges and parents don’t see her for a month. She thought she could get her way out. About 4am security staff entered their home and dragged her arse out... 

the running away should further encourage the parents that their son needs professional help but the professional help means bugger all if they won’t parent their son together but instead palm it off to others

my husband has told me if there are issues with ss20 dumping crap around the house and making a mess then i can tell him off etc. I refuse to and message or tell hubby what said issues are and he must address them.

for several year it was pathetic excuse after pathetic excuse. So i told hubby what said issues are and he needs to rectify it immediately and no bullshit excuses or answering back. He says what needs to be done and if not done there are repercussions. If hubby allows ss to treat me and our kids like shit and hubby justifies it with the same pathetic excuses and ss imaginary stress syndrome, i am out the door with our toddlers because hubby is incapable of change and is enabling and encouraging this cycle of abuse to continue and telling his wife to sucker up that shitty treatment...

HELL NO!! Its so liberating to say these things and stand up for yourself. At times i have to be so sarcastic because thats the only way hubby understands

Where did ss15 run away to?  Personally I would give ss a few options of schools that I would approve of, either military or some other type of all boy boarding school.  He gets to make the final decision but has to make a choice or the parents get to choose.  This would create a win-win for all and you wouldn't be on the hook for enforcing boundaries with ss.  That is unreal, can't believe a mental health professional would think having you enforce boundaries rather than bio parents is a good idea.  Of course psychiatryis a completely different type of therapy than counseling or family therapy so his suggestions may not be appropriate to the situation.  

Quick google search for boys schools in the US.  Hmm...maybe send him overseas >:-)

https://www.boardingschoolreview.com/all-boys-boarding-schools

Close your door to this toxic crotch nugget and send his ass to Military School.  He may try his usual crap but those young Cadet leaders will chew his ass up and spit him out a lean, mean, well behaved performance machine.

Military schools have been doing what they do for far more than a century and make short work of PITA kids like your Skid.

My father, my younger brother and I all attended Military school.  The structure we learned to thrive within helped all three of us to thrive and prosper in our lives and careers.  Sadly our school closed in 2002 after 158 years.  It was the oldest Military School west of the Mississippy river.  But enough about that.

When it was my SS's turn we selected a school that closely mirrored the traditions, standard of honor and history of our school.  We dropped SS off a fluffy, sullen, PITA though over all not a bad kid by any means.  When we visited the school for family weekend about 6 weeks later he was 40Lbs leaner, making straight As and doing great.  He was 16 when he started at Military school.

While we did have some continuing struggles with the SpermIdiot's influence on SS, it did provide him with great success on a personal level and set him up for viable and successful adulthood.   Next month he will have his 8th anniversay in the USAF.  His mom and I are very proud of the man he is.

So, put him into the garbage disposal of Military School and watch the magic that they will perform on this kid after they chew him up and spit him out.

Good luck.

I was a pretty snotty young teenager. When I threatened to run away my mom said she’d help me pack. Then she doubled down on discipline and limits. 

Tossing the problem to a step parent is stupid and a recipe for disaster for all of you. 

Please take measures to protect your child and yourself. I agree that you should take your child out of the home for the time being. Your wife needs to open her eyes to this situation, it is not likely to change without professional intervention and I feel that she needs to begin making the other children and members in the household a priority. Your stepson is essentially holding the household hostage to his behaviors. He changed the playing feild by threatening to have you all killed. If he wants to make threats of this nature, he needs to suffer the consequences of this behavior. And frankly you don’t know what he may be capable of. If your wife wants to allow him to be home running the show and making threats, that’s fine, let her handle it then until she finds what she sees as an appropriate solution. You can most certainly support her by tending to the safety of your child and keeping that child away from the influence of your disturbed step son.