5 Judges later and she's still a nightmare
Hi there,
I'm a new user to this forum and in need of some support. My DH and I have been together for about a decade and he has 3 kids from a previous marriage. The kids are 17, 16, and 14. Kids and I are very close and have been for many years.
BM is a nut-case. A millionaire trust funder with severe emotional problems, a pathological liar at best. BM stole over $10k worth of my DH and my possessions from our home- not to mention any possesions of the kids' she could get her hands on. Then proceeded to drag us through a court process that cost us $60k.
DH was given full legal and physical custody after crazy BM had a breakdown in 2020 where she broke into my backyard and banged on the door demanding and screaming that the kids were her property. We fled the house soon after and took refuge in a safe home. This is when she robbed our home of what we left in it.
5 separate judges awarded DH full custody, with BM not even given visitation rights. BM is a total psycho- she pretended to be blind in court so that she wouldn't have to pay as much child support, she told the kids' friends that the kids had been kidnapped and were brainwashed, she had her parents (GBM and GBF) disown the kids. (They even came to court and refused to speak to their grandkids).
Fast forward nearly 4 years. Kids still refuse to see BM and she is still showing signs of being unwell. After 4 failed therapy attempts- 2 therapists deemed her unfit, and she quit 2 other times- she has requested the kids to be court ordered into a 5th round of therapy.
Kids desperately do not want to and the 5th therapist wrote to DH and I saying that he did not feel it was right for the kids to be ordered into therapy again, and withdrew his willingness to help.
BM was ordered to pay childsupport with backpay and half of our legal fees, which she did not. Despite receiving a $2.5mil inheritance from her family during the court proceedings. DCSS (dep. of child support services) had to get involved and seize her bank account to get this money. She still does not pay CS, but DCSS pulls it from her account periodically.
BM is only allowed to speak to us via talkingparents, and she is becoming quite verbally toxic. Saying she's disappointed in how we've raised the kids, threatening to revoke child support if we don't do what she says, and attempting to force therapy on the kids yet again. The annoying messages from her have increased substantially now that our 17 yo is approaching 18.
BM recently sent the kids a large package of clothes from a vacation she went on- with each item stamped with the name of the vacation spot she and her parents visit often while sending the kids photos of her vacation telling them they should have gone.
I'm to the point where my hatred of this woman is ruining my life. Any chance she gets to be a toxic person she does it. Including developing a close friendship with relatives of mine whom I am estranged from and spending holidays with my family.
On a good day, I can let it slide and can be my best self. On a bad day, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just wish she would go away for good.
Damn. One positive is their
Damn. One positive is their ages. 4 more years and they are all over 18, hopefully the legal ties will be cut for good and you can cut the rest of the ties (sorry some of them are your own family but if they will associate with the likes of her, it's the trash taking itself out.) Stay strong.
If DH was awarded sole legal
If DH was awarded sole legal and physical custody and she doesn't even have visitation, I would block her on anything, return all mail "return to sender" and eliminate her from your lives. You and DH are in the best position possible since the kids WANT to be with you and your DH holds all the power. DH can share what he is obligated to on Talking Parents, but outside of that, cut her out. Turn off phone notifications, block numbers, block from social media, etc. If she shows up to your home, have her trespassed, etc.
Your BM is spiraling because she has no control and can't accept that she lost, plus the untreated mental health issues. Do what you can to create peace within your home and ignore the rest.
This. There is no reason to communicate with her beyond what
This. There is no reason to communicate with her beyond what is court ordered. She sounds awful. I would absolutely limit communication as much as possible. Make her go through the courts for everything she wants to try. So sorry you are going through this
Yeah, i assumed when reading
Yeah, i assumed when reading that they were only communicating with BM because they HAD to. If it is true full legal custody with no ordered communication or visitation, cut her off. And cut off any family members who serve as her flying monkeys.
Just wow.
Just wow.
I would sue her if I were you. For whatever you can get an attorney to take on contingency. Make sure your family has all of the facts regarding BM. Every detail so they at least can make informed decisions on their interface with her.
Did you press charges when she burgled your home?
Welcome, by the way. I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful input from others who are living the dream fo the blended family adventure.
I feel for the Skids. Having a truly evil shallow and polluted end of their gene pool is a challenge no one should have to address. My SS-31 still struggles with the shit puddle of the SpermClan gene pool. By comparison, his SpermClan is like a Hallmark Movie compared to the BM you and your family have to deal with.
Take care of you.
I’m so sorry you had to put up with all of this.
This woman sounds like a hell hound. I couldn't help but notice that the kids are close to adulthood - can they still be "ordered" to therapy? Especially by a parent that has no legal rights to them? Or do you mean that she tries to meddle for the sake of inconvenience, but you as a family can still refuse?
This woman sounds like she has a severe borderline personality disorder, and they can make their life's purpose to anihilate someone they perceive as having slighted/abandoned/upset them. You say that she's a trust fund baby, with not much else to do, so I can see how devil makes work for idle hands in her case.
With all the harassment well recorded, including the robbery, can you get an injunction barring her from any form of contact/harassment including through third parties?