Can someone help me!!
My step son's mother has some issues and she hasn't seen him since father's day. Everyone might think great it's one less thing to deal with right? wrong! my step son is 4 and he goes to his grandparents which are her parents every weekend. yea it's nice for him to gone and have break but they tell him things like she's sick and stuff like that when shes not. she made a choice not to see him and has no intentions to. i'm just kinda ticked off more i guess at the grandparents because they don't discipline him and every time he comes back home he is a brat. we've tried to talk to them about it and they say they are going to do something but they don't and not only that they call our house all the time and ask him questions like if he's been in trouble and why or is anyone being mean to you. my husband won't do anything about it and im reaching my wits end!!
do
the grandparents have court ordered visits here? While I give them credit for stepping in.. I would have to say if your ss has issues with an unstable mom he does not need the grandparents adding fuel to the fire. It is terrible to think you would have to deny access but why should ss be put through more than he already has. I know from experience that grandparents are the last to discipline the kids I would consider cutting down their visitation, it does no good to you and your dh or the skid any good to do mon-fri with you to have it undone with their actions by sunday. Do you think your dh would consider this?
How Frustrating!
But is it in the custody paperwork that he HAS to go to the grandparents??? Or is it supposed to be scheduled time with HIS MOM?? Have you considered cuttng back the visitation with them? Not cutting it out completely, I am an advocate of not punishing the kids by withholding family because of their PARENTS (in this case his MOM's) issues. But may ve doesn't HAVE to go EVERY weekend... I know the break is nice! Trust me, it took years to get my kids and my SS on the same custody schedule and I would not change it for the world! But maybe every other weekend would be better so they are not embedding bad habits into his personality...
This is more about parenting...
Unfortunately, it isn't about the time being spent, it's about the different parenting styles. And at his age, it's actually normal to have some behavior issues displayed like this because he's learning boundaries.
It's going to take work, but you have to stand strong when it comes to behavior issues in your home. You won't be able to 'correct' any issues coming from the other side, although it's much easier if everyone is on the same page, but you certainly can when he's at your home and he will learn what is appropriate and not.
It's all about boundaries at this point. Of course going to grandma's and grandpa's is sooo much more fun because grandma and grandpa spoil their grandkids, that's what they are for right!? LOL Come on, you remember when you were little don't you?
Unfortunately, it is very sad that the mother doesn't participate in her child's life and that the grandparents feel they have to step in for her. That is quite a difficult situation. I don't however think that you can restrict access to family members, because that is her time and how she uses to conduct her time with him is really up to her. What will happen is down the road, this child will feel abandonment issues, if he's not feeling them already, and start to resent her, or gravitate/cling to her.
The way I would approach this is make sure that your home is consistent, and you really focus on him. Make sure that you really try to tap into his likes, and find something that you can share with him, teach him. If you make rules with consequences, make sure that you stick to those consequences and don't change or waffle around, otherwise he'll learn how to manipulate. This is just a four year old, but you have to buckle down and be consistent on his level.
I would make sure that you really focus on doing things with him, one-on-one time with you and with his father regularly. Build a bond with him and things will go sooo much smoother. Play games, draw, playtime, you name it, and really learn to listen to him. Sometime the behavior issues are because the kids are feeling a little lost and not heard.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
not trying to be difficult but...
just because the grandparents are stepping up here does not mean the needs of the child..your ss are what will come first. By that I mean the needs of their own child will always come first and not necessarily the needs of the grandson. My best friend had a bf who for over ten years did not bother with his daughter, but his parents did, as yours. While she appreciated their help and support, they turned on her when it came to the nitty gritty. At ten when the daughter requested her last name be changed to her mom's, the court battle ensued, and like other bm's out there the grandparents had no problem lying to the courts in regards to the fathers actual involvement over the years, and petitioning the court the name change not happen. While I hate to give the down side here, it is your fiance who is there for the child right now, and you must always protect your own. Re: the parenting issues, I am sure we all go through adjustments between visits, my ss's bm always claims he acts differently when he gets home from our house, but I know for a fact he behaves much better when home with us. these are the things we deal with when there are two homes. It is not restricting access by decreasing their visitation, just watching out for your ss, and yourselves.