I am going to lose my mind
Okay..Where do I begin?? I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years. I am 27 and he is 41. He has two children, which I love and care about deeply. But his ex-wife is bat shit crazy. I don't know what other way to put it. Things have gotten worse over the years. Between confrontations, trespassing charges, me spitting on her, name calling, her accusing me of things I haven't done...god the list goes on and on. I have read other people's posts, and I totally understand where they are coming from. It is hurting our marriage so bad. I have a lot of resentment towards my husband and now his children. We fight constantly. She is the main cause. And I just don't know what to do anymore. We are at the point where we want to separate because of it. I hate that, because it wasn't an option I wanted. We are supposed to be there for each other thru thick and thin. He has told me to let it go, and not to let her get to me. But its hard, because she seeks me out and attacks me. Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to just give up. But I feel so defeated. 
That sucks when the BM lives
That sucks when the BM lives close by. Ugh. Mine was three time zones away and ever since she came back, it really sucked.
That sucks when the BM lives
That sucks when the BM lives close by. Ugh. Mine was three time zones away and ever since she came back, it really sucked.
You cannot control or change
You cannot control or change what other people say about you. You can only control how you react and how you let it effect you. By the way your DH cannot control her either.
First of all you need to take your self out of the equation.
Do not speak to her or have any contact with her. She is nothing to you. These are not your children they are your DH's and hers. They need to work it out what ever the situation is.
Crazo has said things about me and to me via text that I have never experienced in my life and I am older than you. I blocked her from my phone and have managed to only speak about 4 words to her in 4 1/2 years.
I go and do things with my skids, as I choose, and yes I have ran into many people at school functions etc.. that she has spoken trash about me to. I cannot control what she says or does. I let my life and my character speak for itself.
Can you choose to take your self out of her drama...?
^^^^^Agreed! I had some drama
^^^^^Agreed!
I had some drama with the BM of my teen SD until I let her know her opinion of me does not matter. I don't speak to her, I don't contact her. If we have to be at the same event, etc... I act like she is invisible. She is a childish, loud drama-seeking leech. I refuse to give her the drama she seeks. I prefer to lavish my attention on her ex-husband and my own children, she doesn't deserve it.
PS
She has gone from a loud, abrasive jack-@@# to a reticent, unsure bothersome fly.
Dragonfly....
Dragonfly....
That is the best thing anyone could have said to me. And I am glad there are people like you out there that can overcome it. Maybe it will get better.
It will only get better if
It will only get better if you take a giant step back, for the sake of your mental health and your marriage I hope you can choose that.
This site has saved me from making many stepmom mistakes.
It almost does drive me
It almost does drive me insane. To take that 'GIANT' step back...it would move mountains in our marriage. Sometimes, I don't know where to start with her. But then I have to snap out of it and realize I don't have to start anything with her. I have my own ex-husband to handle. And thank god we are stable for our sons sake.
I love the book idea! I often
I love the book idea! I often think BM is so ridiculous it would be funny if she weren't ruining my life! Maybe I should start writing it down too!
I know how hard it is for
I know how hard it is for sure, I would LOVE it if bm & skid were not in the picture. Life in general, our relationship, and our finances would be sooo much better if they weren't around, imho anyway! BUT since I live in reality (
) and that is not an option I try as hard as I can to just deal with that negative part of my/our life the best way I can.
One thing that will and does help is to set boundaries for yourself for/with bm. Make it a point to never talk to her unless you have to, never react verbally or in writing to her, let dh or the authorities handle it if it applies. Like most of us, we never have to talk to bm, so that right there is a huge burden lifted! When she starts her shit just keep reminding yourself that YOU are better than that and YOU are not going to give her the attention and drama she seeks! Let her say whatever she wants because in the end, SHE will be the one to look like a fool! Bottom line, as long as you have your dh, your child(ren) and family and friends who love and support you what ONE pos says/thinks/does to you will mean and amount to nothing UNLESS you allow it to. Those who truly matter to you and your life know and will know the TRUTH and that is all that matters.
oh Honey... I totally know
oh Honey... I totally know where you are coming from.. 1. get the book "Stop walking on Eggshells"
it will help you tremendously! I have an evil borderline Ex Husband and BM in my life. .this book saved me!! B. Yes, disengage and remember silence is often the loudest message. C.. Happiness is the best revenge. she doesn't have the power to break you up. I make it a game.. I now actually adore when the BM talks about me, because all publicity is good publicity! LOL
Good Luck and buy yourself some flowers!
I feel your pain, and I
I feel your pain, and I completely agree with jjmomma about the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells." This book saved my marriage and my sanity when I first read it 3 years ago. Unfortunately BM is getting crazier by the day,and we have recently graduated to hiring a lawyer to help us deal with the constant harassment and bullying.
I get so frustrated when people assume that if his ex-wife acts like this it is because of something he did to her, or that eventually she will settle down. No, it is because she is CRAZY, and after 6 years it is getting WORSE not better. There is nothing we can say or do to change that, and there never was. BM will drive you crazy too if you let her, and the stress it puts on your marriage is real and dangerous. But all you can do is change the way you react and interact, because you can't change this kind of crazy.
Good luck. You are not alone. Being a SM is hard enough when the BM is sane and reasonable! It's nice to know there are people out there who understand what we are dealing with.
One of the hardest things to
One of the hardest things to learn is separating her behavior from your husband and step kids. Takes a lot of practice. They can't control her anymore than you can. As it was stated, you only have control over you. That's it.
I'm on 8 years of this sort of nonsense. Looking back I have only 1 regret, I didn't call the police when I should have. After that event we sent 1 warning that if she were to come on to our property again the police will be called. Period. She never did it again (probably helps that she's on probation).
You are allowed to have your own boundaries when it comes to these CPs.