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I can't even wrap my brain around this!

HS752's picture

New to this forum - and thankful I found it.  I need this space.

Quick background.  I met my SO (significant other) in 2021.  He separated from his BM (baby/bio momma) in 2019 and went through a two year divorce process where she accused him of everything from being abusive, an alcoholic, narcissistic.  None of it true.  They have a daughter, E, who just turned 12.  My SO sees E every other weekend, 50/50 custody.  BM constantly telling E about all the wrong my SO has done - despite this tactic, E and her dad have a pretty good relationship.  We do not say bad things about BM, or discuss prior martial issues with E.  BM checks all the boxes for narcissistic tendencies.  E has disclosed to her dad and I how toxic and manipulative her mother is, but has extreme attachment to her mother.  This poor child has been hospitalized for mental health problems.  She's already showing signs of manipulative behavior - mostly just to protect herself.  My SO is seeing a therapist to help him process this nightmare and to be the best her can for E.

In January (two years after the divorce was final), BM files papers for full custody and to suspend SO placement.  Her accusations are outrageous - I'm even lucky enough to be mentioned!  My SO filed his own motion, but  only seeking full placement and custody, citing the major decisions BM made about E's schooling and mental health care w/o consulting my SO, leading to E being hospitalized for a week and an expulsion from school.  A GAL was appointed and last week, after her investigation, talked to both attorneys and told them she was going to recommend nothing change - that there were no basis for BM claims and serious concerns about BM making unilateral decisions w/o consulting, but that ultimately E was doing well in her new school and that major changes could affect her mental stability.

One of the things BM claimed was that E would self harm if she went to her father's home.  There is no record of those claims anywhere (that we know of) of E telling anyone that.  Not when she was admitted for crisis care, not when she spoke to the GAL, not to her dad....

SO has it documented that E has been spending time at her grandparent's home on BM placement weekends for the last month.  Grandparents house is a well documented stressor for E.  Last week E requested that she not see her dad so she can "spend more time with her mom" - SO told her he would talk to BM to arrange a switch, but E said no.  SO said he would not give up the little time he sees her, and left it at that.  He reached out to BM offering to switch weekends, but got no reply.

On Thursday (a day she sees her therapist - a woman who definitely needs a separate rant about), my SO received a call from E, using her BM cell.  The time of the phone call was during her therapy appointment, but none of this was communicated with my SO if the therapist was present or if they were even at the appointment.  E again requested not to see her father (calling him by his first name, though she has ALWAYS called him dad), stating she wanted to spend time with her mom (her spring break started on Friday btw) - she talked over my SO, said she hated going to his place, got very upset and ended the call....stating she was going to see a movie...

My SO sent emails to the GAL, his attorney and the therapist Friday morning.  To the therapist, he asked if he could see E in a joint session to work through this very new anger and desire to not see him.  The therapist replied a short time later stating that she spent 3.5 hours with E after the phone call and had serious concerns for her mental health.  She told him that a letter to all legal parties was going to be sent and that she hopes "a solution for her duress can be found."  She also rejected a joint session.  30 minutes later a letter was sent to the GAL, the attorneys AND the BM stating that E disclosed she would kill herself if she had to see her father ever again.

BM nor the therapist reached out to my SO to inform him that E was in crisis on Thursday night.  Five minutes after the email was sent, BM sends an OFW (Our Family Wizard) message to my SO, begging and pleading to consider E's mental health and well being...my SO felt he had no choice to to forfeit his placement weekend.

I am so angry.  Feels like BM has basically orchestrated a crisis at her daughter's expense to get what she wants.  SO is seriously considering having the State take ward of his daughter until things are hashed out in court.  This is such a mess. I am so lost.  Angry. Sad. Frustrated.  This child is being dragged into the conflict between my SO and BM by the BM.  My SO is heartbroken he won't see his kid.....for who knows how long.  Next court date is April 18, but fully expecting an Ex Parte Motion to be filed in the coming days completely removing my SO - the stable parent - from his daughter's life.  

Thanks for staying with me through this.  Anyone have anything similar happen to them?  I just want to be as supportive to my SO as possible.

ESMOD's picture

who rejected the Joint session with dad and his daughter?

was it the GAL? SD? BM? the therapist?

Because unless there are some pretty large allegations of abuse.. I don't think anyone is done any favors by bowing down to a teen girl having a fit.. and letting her hide from her problems.

 

HS752's picture

The current therapist.  I could go on a whole other rant about this woman.  She was unilaterally picked by the BM.  SO will be pushing for a court appointed one.  We need new, unbiased eyes on his daughter.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Have BM, SD, or the therapist given a reason for why SD will kill herself if she ever has to see her father again? The only thing i can think of is that she has made allegations of abuse. It's the only thing that would make a sane therapist act the way this one is (though there are some INsane therapists out there!)

My SO's brother's BM did this. Got her girls completely worked into a frenzy thinking their dad sexually abused one of them. After she completely ruined them, she decided she needed a break from them, and when they came for a weeklong visit, she left the state, went into hiding, and SO's family was stuck with 2 out of control teens. Then she backtracked and said the behavior in question wasn't actually abuse and it was all a big misunderstanding.

We were looking into therapeutic boarding schools for them before she decided to take them back. They had made so many false accusations that nobody in the family would have anything to do with them.