My DH Ex's is Bi-polar
Hello Everyone, I am new to this site but I am looking for others who can help with my situation. My DH and I have been married 3 years. I don't doubt his love for me, but he slept with his ex one time and was sexting her. I just recently found out and have been devastated. We have a 5 month LO and 3 skids. My husband came clean because he couldnt take hiding it from me anymore. I have to work on my trust and we are going through counseling and I feel we will be okay. But the reason all this took place is because his ex was threatening court and DH got scared. She was black mailing him in hopes of destroying us. He thought the sexting would make her stop and thats what led to the one time thing. I know you might be thinking ya right just once, but she has forward everything to me and is confirming just the one time. The problem I have is that she thinks I am going to divorce him and is finally being nice to him. We are trying to obtain full custody now. But she keeps sending messages and asking him to come over. DH has been upfront and showed me everything and told me all conversations. I have even checked these against the phone bill. He tells her no and has even stopped meeting her to exchange the kids, his parents are doing it. How do I deal with her?? Oh and she messages me saying she is sorry and wants to be friends and that the kids still need me and telling him I am not allowed around the kids?? WTF I wish bad things upon her...
You might want to think about
You might want to think about mariage counseling.
I think that if he wants to make progress, he's going to have to admit that he was/is a big, big part of the problem. By sexting and sleeping with his ex, he really contributed big time to her hoping that they will get back together.
"He thought the sexting would make her stop and thats what led to the one time thing."
I do not understand that line of thinking at all.
^^^^YEP^^^^^ I agree, once a
^^^^YEP^^^^^ I agree, once a cheater, always a cheater. Take it from someone who has been there, done that.
No man will sleep with a woman because he is scared of her taking him to court, blackmail, or whatever. He did it because he is a dog and you are letting him walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and kick him out.
Woah, I missed this when it
Woah, I missed this when it was originally posted!! I agree with Echo on this!!
Oh he knows he is guilty and
Oh he knows he is guilty and fell to this weakness on his own. We are seeing a marriage counselor and he is making great strides to towards our marriage. I have not let this just get swept under the rug.... He is paying for his mistake...Its my terms or were done. He is keeping distance from her too..
I meant they had been sexting and he met her to exchange the kids and the one time happened..because she had been bothering him and he feel to his own weakness...
I think your right I don't think I will deal with her.. She is his problem and he better handle better than he did before or he will find himself without a thing..
Don't kid yourself that this
Don't kid yourself that this is just going to "go away". Go read some of the sites about infidelity (and it's even worse with an ex) - most people say it takes 3-5 years to recover the trust.
Your DH needs to really really figure out why he did such an awful thing. His excuse is pretty weak. I don't know a woman one who will be "nicer" in court because her married ex beds her a couple of times.
I hope you've been checked for STDs.
My DH had second SS because he slept with BM years after their divorce (decades before me). I have a hard time forgiving him for that as that's why we have that disgusting POS SS in our lives. And I know logically that it had nothing to do with me.
Given this situation your DH should NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be alone with her - not even for 5 minutes in public. He really should never speak to her again. Just written communication between them for pickups.
One other thing. Don't be
One other thing.
Don't be surprised if BM tells the skids that she and DH are getting back together. She will probably leave little hints about their encounter to them even if she doesn't come out and say "we fucked each other".
Thank you... Yes we have both
Thank you... Yes we have both been checked and thats part of my agreement with him... no contact with her and I am checking his phone records. Yes I think your right about her leaving hints to the skids. However I think what happened to them is that he had fallen to her manipulation. We both have seen a therapist separately and his has mention that he suffered from her abuse for so long that he fell back into because she was using the kids.
Oh really? He had to sext her
Oh really? He had to sext her to make her stop blackmailing him in court? Are you really that naive?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Good luck because you will NEVER be able to trust him again.
And I agree with this, on the
And I agree with this, on the trust thing. You are going to drive yourself totally nuts checking phone records, wondering where he is every time he is not in your line of sight, whew, no way man, not me.
I don't believe the once a
I don't believe the once a cheater always a cheater. Many times yes. But there are instances where it does stop.
My DH and BM both cheated during their short marriage endeavors. Both were very young and got married because of a pregnancy. Not sure if BM ever cleaned up her act but DH did.
He was married to his second wife for 15 years and never cheated. And I think from what I've heard that he openly dated during his first marriage. Horrible.
I asked him why he was so awful during his first marriage and not during his second. It was not that he loved the 2nd wife more. He said he just grew up and realized that a man needs to be honorable. If anything he cares way more about BM than the 2nd wife.
I have known men and women who cheat all the time. That's a basic character flaw. Someone can make a one time mistake. That is different from the person who is always looking for a "good time". Only you know what you are dealing with.
In my case because of my personal history with having been cheated on I could not tolerate even an emotional affair with no physical contact. I've made it clear to DH that if I even think he's on the wrong path I will leave.
Don't kid yourself - he had sex with her because he WANTED to have sex with her. Now you have to see if you can live with that and get past it.
I dont know I am kind of
I dont know I am kind of stuck between comments. I mean my boyfriend is SO F***king afraid of his BM. I mean even the mediator at court put that in her report. That when she starts talking he almost like cowards down to BM, So I could see him being afraid and not knowing what to do. On the other hand going as far as to have sex with her?...depends when did this happen when you guys first got together? 3 years after you were married?.....its a touchy situation and I feel your pain. My boyfriend hasnt slept with his BM but he has been caught doing other things that he has talked himself out of...its not that I dont care about him. But I've learned to keep my eyes open to EVERYTHING!!.....now as far as BM goes.....STAY AWAY From her, she is trying to hurt you in every way. She likes it when you are unhappy so even if you pretend like everything is ok, that will drive her up the wall. I dont have a solution but I am always here for you to vent to!!! without judgement!!
Sorry but he'd be out the
Sorry but he'd be out the fucking door and FAST. He's hand feeding you lines and lines of bullshit and expecting you to eat it all up with a damn spoon.
And this would be my reaction
And this would be my reaction to it as well and I truly am very sorry he did this to you, but I also think he is FO SHO feeding you the biggest pile of bullshit ever on this and you are choosing to believe it because you want to. WOW. He was crossing a major betrayal line by sexting her and then he slept with the woman, his EX WIFE, while married to YOU!! I think a lot of us here would probably be on that show Snapped if that shit EVER happened in our lives. I'd kick my DH out on his ass if he cheated period, but with BM, oh fuck no!!!! I'd be on the news.