BM constantly "checking" on BF/SM
Recently, my ss had to go to immediate care for suspected strep throat, that I suspected. I stayed home with other SS while DH took SS to immediate care. On the way to there, DH called BM to let her know; totally understandable. She was at work, so without my DH's permission BM sent her mother to immediate care. DH was not happy about his ex-mother-in-law showing up, but DH refused to confront BM about the situation. This may sound petty, but it is just an example of multiple situations, where BM has showed up or sent one of her parents to make sure that DH has the situation under control. BM continues to treat DH like a child. He would rather avoid confrontation than talking to her about it. I usually stay out of their "business", but this one hits too close to home. It also feels like BM is disrespecting my space as the SM and my ability to care for my ss, her bs. Am I unjustified to feeling insulted by her constant "checks" on us? Also, am I right to be upset with my DH for not defending himself, and our ability to parent without her looking over our shoulder? I am grateful for her involvement in our ss's life, but think that has got to be some boundaries.
You will hear both sides of
You will hear both sides of the coins depending on who is talking - if it is a SM you will hear that she should respect boundaries and let DH parent on his time
But then the BM's will chime in - her kid - her choice if she wants to double check up on DH to make sure he is parenting right.
The only person who can change this situation is DH - instead of calling BM on the way to the hospital - call her from the hospital after you know what is going on - and before anyone flames me cause quite frankly I don't want to even hear it - the DH should be able to tell if the kid is dying or just needs medicine for strep throat so no BM does not need to be called until after the doctor sees the child, DH get the prescription and they are home. I am sure that your BM does not call Dh everytime the kids are sick!!
The kid had strep throat and was not dying - I would think that if you screw a man and get pregnant with him then you should trust him enough to be able to judge if you need to be called before the kid goes to urgent care. When SS lived with us full time we would call BM after any urgent care visits because I as a nurse knew what was wrong and knew that her getting crazy and then calling SS and filling his head with BS was not going to help. So DH would call her after we left urgent care and if it was really late at night he would call her in the morning!! Funny thing was when we called her and could give her all the facts then she really could not create a fuss because she knew we were taking very good care of SS.
Which reminds me one time he went to visit her and 2 1/2 weeks after he came back to us she finally got around to telling DH that SS was having trouble peeing and that DH should probably have that checked out. Also after he went back to live with her full time - he needed to get glasses and she expected us to do it when he came to us for our 2 week Summer visit (SS's choice to visit for 2 weeks only as he misses his friends when he is with us) - so I took SS because DH was working and SS loved the glasses he picked out - we sent a picture to his mother who liked them until she found out I took him for the glasses and then she called him up and told him they were not cool enough and he needed to find a new pair - well he started crying because he was already self conscious about wearing glasses and we spend $300.00 on those damn glasses and he never wore them again - our BM is such a bitch. I also remember once he was not feeling well when we went to visit my family and we dropped him off at his mothers and I had given him medicine and I told her about it and she said "did he eat" and I said no and she was like really if he does not eat the medicine will make him throw up - I said nothing because I did not want to start a fight with her because I knew for a fact that he would not throw up as 1 the medicine was not that strong and 2) I had been giving it to him all week without food and he never once threw up with me -
so when we went back to pick him up he crawled in the back of the car and in a snotty voice said - "You know MOM I threw up from that medicine you gave me with no food - and I turned back around and looked at him and said "You know it is so sad that you made yourself throw up in front of your mother so that she could prove me wrong - because you know and I know that I have been giving you that medicine everyday for the past week with no food and you have never thrown up from it but hey if you needed to prove to your mother that she is right and make yourself throw up go for it - cause in case you forgot I am a nurse and I know about these things - yes SS even more than your mother whose job is about as far away from a nurse as you can get - so I feel sorry for you that you needed to go to such extremes to prove to your mother that she is right!!"
That shut his snotty little voice right up. Actually when SS lived with us and when he visits and with our DD I am the only one in the house who is allowed to administer the medicine - in any household that should be the standard that way no child is ever given a double dose of medication especially when they are too little to tell you that they already got the medicine - so I am the only one in the house to dispense medicine to everyone!!