BM's 3 year old is a spoiled brat
Hi all,
I'm new to this forum. I married my wife in January, and she has a 3 year old son from a previous marriage. She is now 3 months pregnant with our own child.
Don't get me wrong, he can be sweet and a good kid, but his mother has always spoiled him. The issue is that if we are in Walmart for example, anything we pick up to look at for us is when he says "mine!", and tries to grab it from us. We (mostly I) say "NO, it is not yours", yet he continues to wine and then bursts into tears yelling "I want it, wah wah wah". Of course, since my wife likes doing thing's the easy way, she just gives it to him and he immediately stops crying. I say to her "you realize that he only throws a tantrum to get what he wants?". She says "well at least it shuts him up". I just keep thinking in my head that it's the wrong thing to do, as he knows he can get what he wants if he throws a tantrum. I am more strict than her, but I can't discipline as much as I'm only the step father.
It just really annoys me, as I always hated seeing kids in stores throwing tantrums. I didn't want to be the parent with that kind of kid. She tells me he's just a 3 year old, but I, and the rest of my siblings (all 5 of us) did not behave like that.
What can I do?
She is raising a monster. If
She is raising a monster. If this is allowed to continue, it will most likely rip you two apart so it needs to be stopped now. I've never understood parents who don't teach their children accountability. You are the boss, if you say no, that means NO! If he wants to throw a tantrum, he needs to be punished. My fiance's daughter is 3 and she has only thrown one tantrum in public. We were at Chuck E Cheese and she was being bratty because of something and pouting around. I explained to her that she had no reason to pout and that if she kept it up, we were going home. She started screaming and crying so I picked her up, sat her down and told her she has two options: stop crying and continue playing or go home and go to bed. She obviously wanted to stay and the tantrum was immediately over. I'm not a harsh stepmom but I refuse to allow bad behavior to continue unchecked. Kids are going to push and they are going to test boundaries. By constantly giving in, your wife is essentially saying that his behavior is acceptable. I also do not believe in the "too young to know better" excuse. Of course your child is too young to know better, that's why it's YOUR responsibility as a parent to make sure they learn these things. There is no age too young to learn that actions have consequences. If you behave badly, you are punished. It's the most basic thing you can teach a child.
My son did the temper tantrum
My son did the temper tantrum thing in Wal-Mart at around 4. He laid down on the ground and kicked and screamed over a coloring book. My mom was with me and I threw the cart at her, gave her a credit card and said I am leaving. We will be in the car and I threw the kid over my shoulder and off we went to the car. He was screaming the whole way. It happened one more time when I was alone with him and I left the cart behind and walked out with him kicking and screaming. This time he was more scared and the screaming became a whine. Ultimately we sat in the car until he calmed down and then we went home. He was grounded in his room for the rest of the day. The tantrums stopped as soon as he figured out I wasn't embarassed to just leave the store. He had been having these with me and his dad and his grandparents. Ultimately they were bribing him to calm down. I wouldn't do it. I remember him doing it at a restaurant and he and I just left and sat outside the restaurant while he screamed. When he calmed down we went back.
He had suffered a recent trauma and these temper tantrums were his way of acting out.
My technique worked with him.... He is now 16 and a really good kid.
You just have to come up with a plan and do it. When he does this, why can't you just leave the store with him and wait it out. Maybe if she sees that this works, she will do it herself.
Everything has to come to a stop when they behave like this or they will not take you seriously....
Smile at her and say "Let me
Smile at her and say "Let me take him outside the store to calm down. We won't be long."
Then you sit there and wait for him to calm down and tell him the next time he behaves like that he is going to be taken outside the store even if it is raining and will have to settle down before being allowed back in the store.
Someone has to teach this kid how to behave and how to be a man. I think that person is you.
If his mother throws a fit ask her if she wants to give in to tantrums when he is 16 and demanding a car. Or demanding a new laptop. By offering to start the ball rolling by stepping outside the store and waiting it may make it easier on her.