Custody Conflicts with Vacation Time...
I have been with my SO for over 4 years now. He has 2 beautiful children, SD 15, SS 12. For the past year, the BM has been trying to get us to agree to every other weekend of having the kids, rather than the schedule we have followed for the past few years which is shared custody...we have them Sundays, Mondays, Tuesday mornings and Fridays. She is supposed to have them the rest of the week. She has been involved with a millionare for a few years now...he is a traveler. And as of the last year and a half, he travels for long periods of time. And will invite her to go see him for a week at a time here and there. She's already been on vacation twice in the past two months. She was home for less than 24 hours and threatened my SO with court if we don't agree to every other weekend of custody. Claims she needs every other weekend in writing from the lawyer. My SO works long hours so when he is not home, the work of childcare falls on my back-even when BM is supposed ot have the kids. I never thought she would get to this level of threatening court-I have never liked or gotten along with her, but I figured she knoew how good her and her kids have it even given the divorce situation. She's truly the type of person who is never happy unless she's making everyone miserable. I just don't know what to do or what to feel at this point-I'm so incredibly angry at her for neglecting her children and not putting her role as "Mom" first. I'm mad at my SO for being a pushover just to use the excuse "I want to be with my kids even if she is supposed to have them". It feels like a neverending battle...
So is she wanting to be the
So is she wanting to be the NCP with EOWE custody? If so, then take her back to court and she can pony up the money for daycare, half of all medical expenses, and CS.
The thing is that if she doesn't want the kids, then your SO has to take them. But, if he's going to do that, he needs to get CS and daycare, etc. He probably ought to do that whether he goes to EOWE anyway since she isn't taking her half of custody time.
If you want the games to stop, you either convince your SO to stop playing games with BM OR you leave. You can be upset that she's a crap mother (I feel that one), but you can't convince her to be a good one to make your life easier. That responsibility falls on SO.
So the kids are old enough to
So the kids are old enough to fend for themselves in a way...SD15 has been self sufficient for a couple years now. SS12 has a ways to go in terms of taking care of himself. I guess it's just that I feel like the kids need parents at this point in their lives. And BM is treating it like they're 20 years old, about to fly the coop. She doesn't do what she's supposed to do as "Mom" when she has the kids, nevermind asking her to see one of her son's baseball games on a day that is not "her day" with them. We live 10 minutes from eachother and she refuses to pick up forgotten items for the kids when that happens. Leaving me to do those things because if I don't do it, then she surely won't. I also feel like I get offended by her lack of "giving two craps" about her own children...I feel like the kids know she doesn't care as much as she should. And I get defensive for the children. Maybe I need to take a large step backwards in the "caring dept".....easier said than done...
Just my experience to add
Just my experience to add here. When SDs were younger, 7/9 until OSD hit middle school, the schedule was Tues/Wed ever other week and then Tues-Sunday every other week. It was difficult having those split weeks. So BM and DH agreed to an every other week schedule, Mon - Sun. Worked great for everyone and that's been consitent with minor changes here and there for activities.
Is your reasoning you don't want this because your SO isn't home during the week? If the skids cannot fend for themselves much at 15/12 or if they are so needy that is the bigger issue (and lack of parenting). Will an EOW schedule make it so the skids are with you MORE? If so then a custody change as outlined needs to be negotiated. BUT I get you - if YSD15 is here then DH is the caretaker, not me. And NO she's not independent enough to hold her own much at all and lord forbid if I make her actually try to be responsible.
It's not that I don't want
It's not that I don't want the kids, but BM is trying to finagle her way around the schedule so that she can have as much time spent away from them as humanly possible, without it being completely obvious. Yes, the kids can be a handful-more so SS12 than SD15. But they're also children and they are the result of the environment that SO and BM have produced for them. My fear is that she continues to ask for specific weekends/weeks off since she is continuing to work from home. It gives her the capability to leave the children with us and for her to take off and fly to wherever her boyfriend is...and in that case, I just don't think it's right for her to NOT be completely present with her children during the times she is home with them. Her boyfriend is 20 years older than she is. And he is clearly making plans whether she can tag along or not. And I think that's why she is trying to get this every other weekend scheudle right now-because she needs to babysit the boyfriend while hes gone as often as he is. Unfortunately, I feel as though her absence is detrimental to the kids and they don't voice their opinions about it-she has completely brainwashed them into believing her way of parenting and her neglect is the way parents are supposed to be. They consider us "overwhelming" and "too attached".....